[hears someone cough on a bus late at night] Oh no, am I going to die?

Happy Birthday to my friend @rosspierce.bsky.social, who just loves affection so much 😘

At a bus stop at 2:30 AM: Did I ever really have any dignity?

Adios, soy un bano. Soy un bano

I’m a huge fan of whom ever was running the bus who honked at me-but DID NOT STOP-for me at N NW and 14th as stop that is clearly marked for D50 @wmata

Pancake long John’s jock strap. (Not having a stroke)

With my Panera soup

Snow outside ❄️ Martinis and board games inside 🍸

I can’t tell you how often I try to “Go to Artist” from a playlist in Apple Music, forgetting it doesn’t exist. I mean, who wouldn’t want that shortcut?

Commercial: “Jud loved playing the harpiscord, but now he’s living with prostate cancer.” Me: “Geez, that got dark fast”

Having to ask for my coat, and then for my bag (and keys), feels just as embarrassing as repeatedly asking for the same jacket I’ve left at the same bar three to four times before I ultimately left it there (it wanted to live there, l’m Sure!)

Hold on. So no metro I backwards?

@wmata.com needs to rethink when they hire consultants. After the redesign, they are still not operating as per their OWN website. D50 bypasses stops that they have on their own website. Who designed this crap?

#siri legitimately asked me a yes or no question and didn’t accept or know what to do after I said “yes” #apple

***ugh, eyerolls*** [taps show complete album] #applemusic

Is it just me or isn’t it a little weird that we sell Goldfish crackers by the milk carton?

If Apple would make a setting where NO app/site would override or stop music being played (unless I elected to do so) then I would give them all my money. Seriously STFU

TOTAL BABES 🥰🥰🥰

Wow, It’s oddly satisfying to watch a simple Excel fix I pointed out get completely ignored, leading to a math error that messes up every region but mine. Competence has its perks, I guess?

When Apple keeps ANY APP or ANY AD from stopping the music I’m listening to, I will give it sooo much of my money.

So liberating! I just divorced my left sock at a bus stop at 2:00a cause it kept slipping too far down. Idk about you but I had a great V Day! 😂

I DONT HAVE SNACKS AT HOME

I binged the sh*t out of a show last night about a man escaping his reality to go to a new one. Wonder why I was so enthralled with it 🤔🤔

I never remember my dreams, but last night it was mundane yet unrealistic. I was at a water cooler, talking to a colleague I dislike, and I BROUGHT UP last night’s game from some sports playoff—I HATE watching sports, and work remotely…haha wonder what my unconscious mind is telling me? 🧐🤔

still kind of pissed that they paved paradise and put up a parking lot :///

Been wondering tonight, what DOES impress Shania Twain??

If your president-elect and members of his cabinet have mugshots, you're doing democracy wrong.