“Edmund, you’re exacerbating my hay fever again. I did warn you! You see the rolled end of my shawl in my left hand? I borrowed Constable Smith’s truncheon for just this eventuality…” #GirlsOwnCC

“Florence, my wife cannot bring herself to speak to you, so I must inform you you are dismissed. You were told to hang the new net curtains, not attempt to hang yourself with them” #GirlsOwnCC

My darling Euphemia, I have been locked out, away from the Blue Sky and butterflies for far too long. It is wonderful to be back here on a Sunday evening. #GirlsOwnCC

So pleased to be back in after going round in circles! Forgot my password, and couldn’t seem to copy the rescue codes correctly. Sometimes it’s not easy to tell O from 0, or distinguish between lower case l, capital i or the number 1. Now sorted - so, how’s everybody been?

“Thou shall not pass!” yelled Emily desperately. Next year, she reflected grimly, she would not be travelling with Mordor Tours #GirlsOwnCC

“Delia,” said Gerald, “It’s tragic you’ve only the one foot, but that alone won’t qualify you for the Invictus games. You’ve never served” “Service” commented Delia darkly “can take many forms…” #GirlsOwnCC

“George, it’s coffee! If you ask once more for a skinny latte with pumpkin spice and extra creamer (whatever that all is) I swear I’ll set Rover onto you…” #GirlsOwnCC

“Hmm! I see that Mr Leslie Phillips is flirting again” “Yes sister, but - but - actually I think the way he says ‘Well, Hello!’ and ‘Ding Dong!’ is actually rather sweet…” #GirlsOwnCC

Esme had thought it would work…. the rich but dim suitor had arrived at church but then - only asked the pageboys where the bride was. “Mama’s having a quick snifter” George had replied, “then putting the twins down for a nap” She’d never imagined the groom could run that fast… #GirlsOwnCC

Gran glared with disgust at the grey sky and rain. “It’s all Mavis’s fault” she declared flatly “How come?” asked Mam “It’s obvious! A bit o’ sun for a few days, and the daft girl only goes and buys a sundress and then makes it worse getting garden seats. Asking for trouble…” #NewAlanBennett

“Oh ma, I’m so sad to tell you, but we’re leaving the island. I’m taking little Donald to a new future in the USA” Grandma reflected grimly that as her grandson wasn’t very bright but showed a definite aggressive streak he’d probably end up as President #GirlsOwnCC

“Come on Grandmama, it’s just a small loan so I can take Johnny to the circus, he so wants to be a ringmaster! Surely you can spare a bit of your Widow’s mite?” “Widow’s mite? I’ve told tha before Ethel, this widow might not!” #GirlsOwnCC

Ethel was still in shock after seeing the steerage passengers attack the breakfast buffet. As nobody, not even her husband or the Captain, could ever persuade her to return there she was seriously contemplating eating her raffia tablemat #GirlsOwnCC

“Is Her Grace enjoying the voyage, Your Grace?” “Seems not Captain. Silly old me misheard SS. Brittany and told her we would be on the Royal Yacht Britannia. She’s been staring into space like that for 3 days now” #GirlsOwnCC

“Ethel dearest, why do you never take off that ugly leather glove? I want to hold your own dear hand…” “Well Stanley, now you mention it…. You remember you said you never wanted to get - hooked?” #GirlsOwnCC

“Oh Elsie, Your mother was so proud, she was crying” “Sadly no Jane. She only found out today that my degree is in Astro Physics. All this time I said I was studying domestic science” #GirlsOwnCC

Mabel felt their progress would improve if they both rowed, but Clara resolutely refused to dip her oar in the water. “It’s solid wood, with a lovely shine” she explained. “I don’t want to get it wet” #GirlsOwnCC

Emily smiled politely as Mabel boasted how George, aged 3 months, had somehow bought her chocolates for Mothering Sunday. Anticipating describing how her own little cherub had flown round the room scattering rose petals on her, she looked forward to years of Mother’s Day one upmanship. #GirlsOwnCC

“Emily, please, please keep him talking whilst I sort this out. I swear, I’ll never buy knicker elastic from Grace Brothers again” #GirlsOwnCC

“Gerald, do you know what they are celebrating?” “Clara my love, you are so woefully ignorant of world affairs: Italy just avoided the wooden spoon in the Six Nations of course!” #GirlsOwnCC

"Hey Wayne!...oh, where's Wayne gone?" #GirlsOwnCC

As Meg, Beth and Amy worked on the mending, Jo started to read aloud to them from a book on Eastern Philosophy she’d found in Papa’s desk. Well, that’s what she assumed the title, The Kama Sutra, meant… #GirlsOwnCC

Neither Cecily or Miss Prism could quite understand why the assistant was proffering them a tray of tear’n’share bread, when they were quite clearly in a draper’s and haberdashery emporium #GirlsOwnCC

I wanted to avoid political stuff when I joined BluSky, but this one is too important. Whether you like Trudeau or not, this is a calm, adult and quite magnificent speech.

As it's Friday, Maude'll be going shopping at the busiest time to annoy all the working people. Being retired, she could go at anytime. Today, she's feeling frisky so she'll deliberately forget her purse, create spillages & ask for a price-check on each item. She's living the dream. #NewAlanBennetts

Ethel didn’t understand why the Verger seemed so cross. The Vicar had asked her to come and take the place of the organist for this service, which is exactly what she had done. He’d never asked her if she could actually play… #GirlsOwnCC

Maude waved reassuringly at her niece, reflecting that as the silly brat had swallowed the story about pirate treasure ‘somewhere in the caves’ she now had time for tea and a tête-à-tête with the new curate. Who knows, they might even have enough time for some French Fancies… #GirlsOwnCC

Their lack of skill in Semaphore was not immediately obvious to either of them. Ethel enthusiastically urged Flo to bring their sandwiches to the shady cave she had found, whilst Flo in return made an urgent request for more poo bags for Fido #GirlsOwnCC

Ernie was quietly chuffed. Despite having to endure Hilda’s taste in viewing over most of Christmas he’d managed it. Started his Christmas films with Die Hard, and now on 5th January he was finishing with Where Eagles Dare. Tradition matters… #NewAlanBennetts

As Cyril snored by the fire, Muriel put Die Hard on the DVD. After all, it was Christmas. That white vest, she reflected, suited Bruce as much as it had Marlon Brando years ago. Such a shame that it had quite the opposite effect when worn by Cyril #NewAlanBennetts

‘Winnie’ said Mam, ‘come to us Christmas Day. Don’t be on yer own’ She paused then asked quietly ‘How long since Fred died?’ ‘8 years’ said Winnie ‘or last week. Take yer pick’ Mam touched her gently on the hand. ‘See you on Twenty Fifth’ she said #NewAlanBennetts

Mavis had just discovered social media and was busy updating her profile for the tenth time that morning. ‘Mavis’ said Mam gently, ‘that’s not a dating site’ ‘So?’ retorted Mavis ‘I’m not looking for a man!’ while stealing a furtive glance at her latest follower numbers #NewAlanBennetts

“Meg, Beth, Amy!” yelled Jo, “Quick, everybody hide, it’s Aunt March!!” #GirlsOwnCC

Sandra has taken hours modelling her devils on horseback ready for the big freeze. Enid asked, "Which one is the MP for Clacton?" #NewAlanBennetts

@russincheshire.bsky.social Russ, is there any news of a publication date for Tories: the end of an error?

“Jump Laetitia, before the train speeds up! I’ll catch you!” “No Frederick, I have to leave, for the shame. Oh Frederick, I left the baby in the handbag…” As the train chugged away,Fred Chasuble couldn’t make out Laetitia Prism’s words. He did hope they weren’t important. #GirlsOwnCC

Mam was excited, she and Mavis were going to the theatre to see Bleak Expectations. “Don’t worry” she told Dad “I’ve not forgotten your tea, Nan’s going to cook it for you” In that case, reflected Dad, Bleak Expectations sounded about right to him. #NewAlanBennetts

Benjamin Zephaniah "If you didn't have troublemakers, most women wouldn't have the right to vote, a black person wouldn't be talking to a white person and I'd be back in slavery. We need troublemakers to challenge the establishment. I want to be one of those people."

With 12 people coming on Christmas day, Sandra's already got out the double dining table extensions or as Mike calls them the wallpaper paste tables. Sadly, there's no space for chairs. Standing room only. Sprouts on the boil. Disappointment looming large. When will it all be over? #NewAlanBennetts

As it's NOT bin day tomorrow, Roger has put out all his bins just to see if he can't create panic in the close. #NewAlanBennetts

The moon and the Tor. Taken a few moments ago.

The Isle of Avalon. Taken this morning looking through the archway of St Michael's tower on Glastonbury Tor. "After the Storm"

Mam’s best stockpot lay smashed on the floor “Muriel” sighed Mam, “you’re so clumsy” Muriel protested she wasn’t, she just had congenitally impaired manual dexterity From the parlour Nan could heard muttering darkly about swallowing dictionaries and ideas above stations #NewAlanBennetts

“I’ve learnt about colours at school Grandmama and I don’t think there are 50 Shades of Grey” “Silly child! Just keep reading…” #GirlsOwnCC

“Why” demanded Nan, “isn’t anyone asking or gettin’ in touch with other people anymore?” Mavis was bemused “Aren’t they?” “No” Nan replied crossly “they’re all ‘reaching out’ no matter how far away they are. They must” she added thoughtfully “have ridiculously long arms…” #NewAlanBennetts

“Oh heck” exclaimed Dad turning off the radio “Putin is claiming some US missile debris has landed in Russia” They both fell silent “Well” said Mam briskly “he shouldn’t have invaded the Ukraine then, should he?” She paused for a moment “I’ll put kettle on” #NewAlanBennetts

The sisters were depressed They’d moved from a rather rowdy neighbourhood to one with a beautiful view of the clear blue sky, only to find The Artist Who Couldn’t Draw Hands had followed and was next door. So much for their setting up a nail bar… #GirlsOwnCC

Ethel resented her sister Amy treating her like a Lady’s Maid, ignoring Ethel as she pinned on her corsage, Amy quite lost in dreams of Lord D You wait till the ball room heats up, Ethel thought… you haven’t even noticed I’ve included wild garlic #GirlsOwnCC

I’m watching today’s ‘A voice for King Richard III’ event in York (online from home). The 1st sessions were really interesting - and Prof David Crystal is due this afternoon. Anyone else logging in rather than attending?

@karinel.bsky.social Hallo Karin, how nice to see you here. I only arrived earlier this week and have also found everyone so friendly, and easy to find