Domino’s don’t give out honey mustard dips with chicken strippers any more

Chimney Envy…

ARMBS

Boop boop

He is quite simply the best boy xx

Imagine being someone who doesn’t like custard doughnuts though. I just couldn’t.

1740 HOURS: ALL CATTS PRESENT AND CORRECT 🫡🐈🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

Can’t remember if I ever posted these before but anyway here you go…

What are the rubber things that go either side of the cleats on a cycling shoe called? Mine have worn down and come off, and I'm all clicky-footed again when I'm not on the bike.

The shortest distance between two points is a CATPATH 🐈‍⬛🐾 🐾 🐾

“Therrre’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow. There’s Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.” You’re welcome for that lil’ earworm 😉

Nice.

Oscat is being 73% extra clingy today

Dos dedos mis amigos

Just got my quarterly feedback from my team via my line manager and it’s so obviously been spewed through the big ol’ AI machine 🙄

I'm on the "Ralph, This Better Not Be About Your Cat" blocklist

Me trying to be normal

A sense of consideration for other people

Worst WILTY guests of all time: Louie Spence Janet Street Porter Terry Christian Sharon Osbourne Des O’Connor

🧵-> 🩷 My paintings for sale 🩷 As we didn't have a proper Open Studios weekend at the Arches this summer (due to ongoing building works nearby) and I usually sell a few paintings when it's on, I've decided to promote the paintings I have for sale on here...

Have you watered your plants today?

Friends fear he’s downloaded the Couch To 5K app again

Cat complaining that I smell of spring onions. Yeah, well, you smell of fish.

Haircut tomorrow and I. Can. Not. Wait.

Please allow me to share this amazing high quality photo of a woodpecker #BadBirdPhotos

🐈💬 i aint afraid of no mompsters

Oh

Forgot I hadn’t changed the clock in my car so I’ve just lost an hour AGAIN. That’s the third time now 😔

Happy second anniversary of Posie and Pootle day to those who celebrate. Two years of putting up with these numbskulls 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

Look at his beautiful ginger hairs 🥹

I couldn’t find Posie just now, worried that she’d found an open window and escaped. Found her in the corner of the room asleep on the washing pile. Cats 🤷🏻‍♂️

🚨 ALL CATS HOME BEFORE 6PM KLAXON 🚨

Need to do a socialising tonight but donwanna 😢

🐈‍⬛🐈💬 hello yes we are doing a sunbathing

This morning I have been a busy little beaver 🦫

Today, in "Things I've Seen But No Way Can I Ever Discuss Them": Ho-ho-hooooooooly shit... 😲

Your boyfriend refers to "The Prodigy" as "The Progidy"

Cost of Living Crisis? Cost of Profit Gouging Crisis, morelike... amirite?

Grandpa’s been watching Raiders of the lost Ark and gotten himself all confused again. “I swear, all these spirits come out and melt people’s faces, I SAW IT”

Work pal 🐈‍⬛

Pootle has been out in the rain and now somebody must pay for it

Wednesday’s jam…

Google is an utter menace. The slightest thing happens, and they decide your account is in violation of their terms and that's it: deactivated. Screw any third party services you may use linked to your Google account or email address. Avoid. Like. The. Plague.

The garlic bread has a use by date of 11th. Do we feel lucky?

BUT WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CHOOSE A NEW KITCHEN SINK AND TAP THOUGH 😭

I’m so looking forward to going to bed tonight

A tin of French Onion soup weighing in below 100 cals for lunch is suddenly seeming like a bad idea... 😵‍💫

Just a lad whose just had his Secret Lonch

Molly Monday