I hope the next POTUS renames it the Barack Hussein Obama Ballroom

GASTON IN HIS BATHROOM SIX HOURS AFTER HOSING FIVE DOZEN EGGS: (in a rich baritone) UGHHHHH. UHHHH. aaaaAAAAAAAHGGG

EMPLOYER: Please take this anonymous survey. We are desperate for your raw, honest feedback. Completely confidential! THE SURVEY: Hi Josh :) When you submit this form, the owner will see your name and address ;)

EMPLOYER: Please take this anonymous survey. We are desperate for your raw, unvarnished feedback. Completely confidential! THE SURVEY: Hi Josh :) When you submit this form, the owner will see your name and email address ;)

I'm excited to be back in the world talking to readers about my book BLACK WOMEN TAUGHT US with the Dayton Metro Library on Nov 6 at 6pm ET. This event aligns with Shirley Chisholm becoming the first Black woman elected to Congress in Nov 1968. dayton.bibliocommons.com/events/67f81... #booksky

Mr Homolka? Stop eating my sesame cake. STOP EATING MY SESAME CAKE.

[Buffalo Bill working an office job] “I hope this email finds you in a well.”

Some guy you went to high school with on facebook: the radical left is out of control

Tried it once but it tweren’t for me

Real talk, though: DRACULA DEAD AND LOVING IT is an underrated gem in Mel Brooks’s oeuvre

Watched Coppola’s Dracula film for the first time tonight. My thoughtful review:

Technically it should be called the Monster SMASH. It’s only a “Mash” if you peel the monsters’ skin off first

I was not expecting there to be so many references to Taylor’s nether regions on this album

When in Rome…

Was really fucking cool to see THE LAST STARFIGHTER on the big screen with my pop last night. I’ve probably watched it 50 times, but this was my first time doing so in a thee-ate-er

do you remember when new outlets would embed tweets in their stories online & people would change their twitter username or alter their content so that it pointed out how their post was used without consent or misrepresenting what they originally intended? do you have... screenshots. or examples

Ah, the cost of liberty…

Older religions were way more horny about their gods than we give them credit for. Yeah, gods were revered and also feared, but also, they be banging.

Proof of life / office fit check

Remember

The entire Latino population in the U.S. is 65 million. She means all of us.

I had my vasectomy on Monday and I’m wondering if I should sadly daily photos to document the healing process

Finally, a word that perfectly describes how I move through this weird, beautiful world

god damn he's cooking

The way my brain first interpreted this as “Queen of the Farts”

Nothing but the best and the brightest running the US federal government

“Witness me,” he murmured, logging onto his work computer after being off for a week

Trump: But have no fear, the Government will, in the end, WIN! Live free or die, government-stay-out-of-my-business, MAGA bootlickers: AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

“I don’t know why this happened to me”

How the poker scene in CASINO ROYALE should have gone

Me if I were a desktop icon: yesssss drag me daddy, put me in the recycling bin where I belong

Have they made a Mortal Kombat yet where you can fight Indiana Jones

If Disney treated the Indiana Jones series the way they did Star Wars, then we would have a whole ass tv series telling the origin story of the guy who gave Indy his hat (and whose entire look Indy co-opted)

They should rebrand the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie as “Tropical Goths of the Caribbean” and see where it takes them

I hope they didn’t finish this masterpiece because something bad happened to them, like they got the shit kicked out of them or something. That would be so sad.

Happy Mother’s Day! Shitter was full!

SINNERS is everything you’d hope it would be for a movie like SINNERS (a compliment)

Whenever I have to try to make a touchless faucet activate, I feel like Doctor Strange doing a magic trick

I just belched with such great thunder that it jolted Kirby awake 💅

This shirt rules. Like yes, we do need more shirts have nipple tassels

I wonder if anyone ever called Sisyphus “Sissy” and, if so, would he have hated it or would he have just been like “yeah, it’s me, ya boi, Sissy”

New Orleans, 9 years ago. Me and Rin were drunk and/or possibly stoned on Frenchman Street.

inject this shit directly into my veins star wars is a ridiculous universe with space wizards and laser swords and apparently all I ever wanted was someone to take it completely seriously as a "how does this work in practice" study of fascism the way Andor does

Based on my experience of watching CONCLAVE on an airplane a few weeks ago, I am proud to announce that Fox News has hired me and is sending me to Rome to cover the selection of the new Pope for them

hannibal smith fought injustice - “ If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the a-team” - it is unlikely that he would agree to the use of his catchphrase and cigarillo as the boast of a rich person who just abetted a human rights disaster.

Also, The Middleman TV show was so important to me and it can be found here for free. archive.org/details/the-...

THE MIDDLEMAN is hands down one of my favorite tv shows ever. If youve never seen it before, tou should watch it. If you have seen it, then 1) kudos to you and your dazzling and rakishly good tastes, and 2) watch it again.

Happy (belated) National Sends Nude Day to all who celebrate(d) 🤠