Let Matt be Matt, but if you watched this you saw he should get be making more than his indie wages with less indie hustle.

Obligatory Aurora shots

I bought a house and moved to St. Paul four years ago next month happy with the vision Melvin Carter was executing. This wet fart has me looking for any low tax exurb where I can live to myself.

Say what you will about the death of Dick Cheney but it kinda blows to lose the man you’re trying to outlive out of spite when you’re on day five of a gap in your antidepressant

Hey in case the idea of two Cruchfields, a Cook, and a Lenderman doesn’t immediately make you jolt out of your seat, this slaps

In case you missed the brilliance of this joke: Lucius Lamar, the ex-Confederate officer whose election to the bench as the second oldest nominee ever was seen as a dumb concession to reconciliationists, is posed against Kendrick Lamar, a top wordsmith who shares his last name with a judicial dweeb.

Riot Fest is crazy because you can see a heavily memed performance with John Stamos fronting The Beach Boys and then just bounce to the bathroom to prep for The Damned

No card for SPA on that foul on Rosales. Ref has lost the plot. #MNUFC

When he survives this and inevitably says that the level of gun violence in this country is still a fair price to pay for the 2nd Amendment I’m going to be mad that we immediately decided not to joke about this

I turned the Vikings game on at 15:00 in the fourth. If you want to sponsor me helping the team I only watch for Teams chat reasons I am accepting donations

Look, post to your heart’s content about creepy age gaps, but remember that the Belichick-Hudson gap is a perfectly normal 49 point difference that will happen later this year.

Ruin a book by adding “Tom Clancy’s” to the title: A Hundred Years of Tom Clancy’s Solitude

The world may be incredibly bleak these days but at least we saw keeper pens and a 4th division team beating Man United, there’s always a sunrise after the darkest midnight

Imagine how bad the Q Swifties would get if Travis gave her one of his Super Bowl rings as the engagement ring and they’d have to interpret which win personally and collectively was the most meaningful and why he gave her the least meaningful ring

I like Doyle as much as the next nerd but even if it fits theory you don’t really want to show correlation by posting a dot plot that looks like the side of Bambi’s mom.

Based on the camera angle and walking direction there’s no way this guy could have heard the otherwise silent drummer so I assume it was Jens being off beat again

The Speaking Truly Anthem

Giving fans the false hope of your impending departure before doing the Jordan Belfort “I’m not leaving” speech is a level of diabolical that I honestly didn’t know existed, it’s like a Bond villain cast in an A24 psychological horror movie.

When it happened I legit wondered if the rule about referee interference only applied to them hitting the ball versus fully clearing out a player off the ball. Trapp had an easy play on the ball and the referee ran a screen that led to the decider.

Fun fact: the only living member of the Apollo 13 crew was played by the only one of the four actors who is no longer alive

When “love the wrestling, hate the company” destroys the storyline

Cuckchair dot gif

We know the only way this ends is having to go to WNBA venues and remove our neon green dildos at security like they’re shoes

Look idk what to tell you, when I have to not drink during a game to appear responsible I lose the ability to use my arms like a normal person

In honor of Hulk Hogan’s passing I fired up WWE2k24 and did a ten man gauntlet match as nWo Randy Savage against Rey Jr, Great Muta, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, DDP, Lex Luger, Booker T, Bret Hart, and Iron Sheik (not Hogan, fuck that). It came down to Randy vs Sheik. I tapped the Camel Clutch so fast.

Hulk Hogan died.

Counterpoint: If we impeach over Epstein we’ll never hear the end of cancel culture

Here’s ten: A Blessing and a Curse Who the Fuck Are Arctic Monkeys We Are The Pipettes Modern Times The Things We Carry Sam’s Town The Crane Wife Boys and Girls in America Back to Black Sound of Silver

A DP on his second MLS team destroying the Shooting Challenge after a YouTuber beat a Liga MX player and a USMNTer is American heritage

Friends don't let friends do the wave

Friends don’t let friends do the wave.

The MLS roster rules committee is about to approve this deal in an unsigned one-paragraph opinion on the shadow docket over a vigorous Jackson dissent

What if PK had fireworks eyes instead of just laser eyes

The strongest muscle in any Loons fan’s body is the sphincter

Red Loons show up for the Open Cup.

Google AI is so bad

As a white dude I self-censor. At least three times a day I want to tell my coworkers that their brain matter would be better used as pigeon feed, but have I ever said it?

World Cups or continental tournaments hosted since 1990 (save for cities in 2021 Euros) 🇦🇷 1 (2011) 🇪🇸 0 🇫🇷 2 (1998, 2016) 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 1 (1996) 🇧🇷 3 (2014, 2019, 2021*) 🇳🇱 0.5 (2000 with 🇧🇪) 🇵🇹 1 (2004) 🇧🇪 0.5 (2000 with 🇳🇱) 🇮🇹 1 (1990) 🇩🇪 2 (2006, 2024) 🇭🇷 0 🇲🇦 0 🇺🇾 1 (1995) 🇨🇴 1 (2001) 🇯🇵 1.5 (1992, 2002) 🇺🇸 literally 17

Don King Kruger is when you think people go to boxing matches just to see how tall your hair is that night

Okay, now I see where the confusion is coming from. Indivisible announced about an hour ago they are canceling events across the state *that are not already underway.* Many events are already underway. I'm hearing that those events may be cut shorter than originally planned.

The deaths of Melissa Hortman and her husband would be tragic enough as the loss of a gifted, committed, and compassionate public servant. But their murders come as part of a targeted attack on democracy. We need to pull our country out of this death spiral somehow.

HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK

Hey hey friends! Good news: 54 Loons fans saw us sing Wonderwall in Seattle for the first time! Better news: Tickets to see Minnesota’s best Road Warriors (sorry Hawk and Warrior) are available now! Just posted matches from July to October! shop.mnwonderwall.com/collections/...

Sun’s out, blue skies, Loons play in 3.5 hours, dude busking in front of the Space Needle is belting out the Pokémon theme like his life depends on it. The vibes are solid.

I will have structured three trips this year around away games (LAFC, SEA, and SD) and in so doing will have flown 8,932 miles in case anyone asks why MLS doesn’t have as much of an away fan culture.

Make America(n Football not be the only emo band that younger forebear bands think is) Great Again

I mean I have two girlfriends despite peaking in at best college, that’s gotta be worth something

It’s a shame that Man United have been so impossibly bad because a last second equalizer would’ve been the funniest thing

Green Giant so I can hide behind him Caesar so I can have a snack Kool Aid Man because I dehydrate easily Colonel Sanders because I’m sure he has a gun