theijf.org/article/pro-... The Canada Revenue Agency is attempting to revoke the charitable status of HonestReporting Canada, a notorious Zionist harassment and misinformation vehicle. HRC is challenging that decision in court, but the details of that audit + revocation are extremely funny:

Remember when those grade school kids begged Dianne Feinstein to do something about climate change and she said condescendingly "we know what we're doing" and then fell over and died

being young means thinking that behaving like "the thing" (1982) is the only way to get ahead in the world. that’s fine until you're ~35, but growth? maturity? that's realizing that "the thing" is a bad role model. it's that realization that will stand you in good stead til the end of your days.

when i invented lunch, there were only two meals (the 1st: breakfast. the 2nd: dinner). anything else you ate during the course of your day was just a snack. the result? no one ever thanked me. well, so be it. it's a cruel world. but i *made* lunch happen. so, if you ate lunch today: you're welcome

hey man, not sure if you're getting my messages, but i need to know if you still plan to take me down to the river and tell me about how i get to tend the rabbits. no worries if not, but it's already sorta late in the afternoon. i can't make alternate plans until i know what's up

always have a pretty easy time making friends with the ladies. when it comes to boys, though, it can be tricky. i find it best to be on opposite sides of the law and have one of us reluctantly kill the other out of adherence to a moral and professional code that is both keenly felt and inscrutable.

can’t sleep because my boss is going to be shooting me out of a cannon at a cinderblock wall just before lunch (no helmet, either). and it’s rent day. but on the plus side, then it’s the weekend

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the fellers and i are going to consign ourselves to the dustbin of history tonight if you wanna join

i'm the guy at the north pole who fires the elves out of a cannon. i don't work for santa and it is not an official form of elf punishment. i just like doing it. the authorities are trying to arrest me for serial murder, which is why i use nordvpn. nordvpn is a cost-effective way to protect your pri

[nodding as a primordial fear builds in me like a tiny capuchin monkey that just heard the throaty rumble of a nearby predatory cat] right on, right on

who wrote this fuckin headline, the gift-horse-mouth-looker?

were i a rabbit, my name would probably be thumper. the problem with this, of course, is that there's already a famous rabbit named thumper in a disney film, which leaves me in a very awkward place. it'd be like if there was another musician going by "prince." i would need to kill the other thumper

hamnet... sounds like the sorta thing a feller might use to catch himself a hog

i'm not even a big bad wolf myself, and i have no dog in this fight... but there is something about the ways and manners of the three little pigs that has me "seeing red" when i think of them

one needn't like them to admit that both father and son have a certain "je ne sais quoi" when it comes to car rides

five days later and i am still watching this over and over, hoping that the outcome will magically change somehow. i lost $372,424.91 on this fucking game

It is absolutely bonkers that Canada isn’t stepping up here. Aside from the tourism ties, it is a looming humanitarian catastrophe. If Canada led, regardless of Washington’s position, others would surely follow.

meeting my friend 8 so we can race to the bottom

given that we have reached the necessary temporal distance for clear and sober reflection on his legacy, i have no problem whatsoever with saying that the man should have been known as president wrongald reagan

elmo has been shot in dealey plaza. more to follow

i’d pay good money to see this smug sack of shit try to tackle an icy hill in the blackest depths of a canadian winter. ridiculous vehicle. fuck you

There is exactly 1 way that this sort of thing is put to a stop

they’re doing this specifically because they know it upsets people, they do not give a shit about being ratioed on twitter

getting up to check the DoorDash arrivals board and having it provide me with the first indications that 9/11 is happening again

checking in once again with the all-time king roy orbison. got a sweet little playlist cooked up on tidal with a bunch of my favourites: crying, only the lonely, running scared, engine on in the garage, golden gate bridge, desperate (make it stop), pretty woman, no funeral, and of course, ooby dooby

calling Monster Mash a "halloween novelty song" has proven, time and again, to be a massive miscalculation. seriously one of the most poorly aged takes of all time. it is a song for all occasions and all times of year. it was played at queen elizabeth II's funeral for a reason.

i think if i walked around with the assault on precinct 13 theme playing it would be cool. and potentially slightly badass as well.

thanks for the milkshake, man. you didn’t have to. [sipping thoughtfully] say, are you trying to lull me into a false sense of anything, by any chance? i won’t be mad, i’m just curious

INTERVIEWER: As you know, we are a nation beset by myriad horrors. What are you doing to fight back? SCHUMER: I have been reaching out to the horrors, many of which are friends, in hopes of working together on this for all Americans. You demand we descend into hell? Well ok, but let's do it right.

just saw a few squirrels staging and attending a production of waiting for godot at coordinates 43.6875438, -80.4403747

let’s get carson back next

not going to work on tuesday. going to tell them i got raptured. then when wednesday rolls around and i show up at the office, i’ll explain that heaven sent me back because i forgot my puffer. my co-workers don’t know i’m not asthmatic. should be easy enough to fake an attack or two per year

got a customer service email from eventbrite's own [squinting] Himmler...?

saw a trailer for the bruce springsteen movie and they basically do the "bruce springsteen has to think about his whole life before he plays" thing. we can't go back to this stuff. i'm sorry. hollywood cries out for the cleansing fire of another dewey cox film

yet another day of being black bagged, shoved in a car, driven to a second location, shot in the head, and dumped in a muddy culvert by my enemies (rhetorically)

[five beers in at the bar, i pull a crumpled photograph of myself and another 5’9 guy out of my pocket and tap on his face with my finger] that’s my buddy gravy dave. we was munchkins together in oz. [tearing up] he didn’t make it. witch got him. they’re pretty sure it was her. never found the body

had some gruel at a restaurant last night that i hadn’t had before— oatmeal congee. can’t stop thinking about it. woke up at 5:15 am thinking about how badly i wanted another bowl of slop. crazy flavour profile. one of the best things i have ever tasted. and you could shoot it at me with a big hose

might treat myself to a garment from the limited liability bean clothing company this autumn… if i deserve it. i don’t right now. i couldn’t justify it right now, on the basis of my behaviour of late

this amounts to less than one surprise per day. was business insider simply not able to find a writer with a more developed sense of wonder

just hit an elf with my car. no damage at all to the vehicle. his head exploded like a melon, but the bumper is pristine. my condolences to his family. i left the body in the east-side ditch of guelph line, just about 750 metres north of mohawk raceway. his collar said “brayden” on it.

i hate the game politicians play where they back israel 100% until it starts killing too many people too fast, then they start calling for peace until the killing slows to levels acceptable for them. they're not opposing genocide, they're negotiating how quickly it should proceed

“Israel is pursuing an extensive PR effort to remove itself from blame for the starvation and killing of Palestinian civilians in Gaza in the face of overwhelming evidence that it is responsible.” Forceful and necessary pushback to Israeli propaganda by @peterbeaumont.bsky.social

got double chicken body burger from a&w. delicious. and small diet root beer for my figure

i would cave gargamel’s skull in with a hammer. i would rip his guts out. i would die fighting for the smurfs. their new movie is in theatres on july 18th. rihanna is smurfette

i keep calling mean girls "a major touchstone of post-9/11 cinema" and nobody knows how to stop me from saying it, so they just get mad at me and leave cartridges in my mailbox like i'm russell crowe in "the insider"

every deceased ancestor of mine died in quicksand. probably something to do with scottish genetics somehow. whatever the cause, i hate seeing that shit depicted in the movies. to me it's no joke. there's nothing funny about it. it's not like diseases or explosions.

you’ll never catch my prudent little ass getting swept away by a twister and into a wizard of oz-style kinetic situation. with every move i make, i measure twice and cut once. not like dorothy, to whom the weather just “happens” (poor planning)