Exhibit number infinity of my struggle to figure out if I just distrust everyone from the beginning and that means I'm usually right, or if my mildly spectrum-based spidey senses notice these things but I don't realize it's obvious to everyone else

We need to adopt as a nation a politics of kindness and empathy and peace. And to do that we do as a nation unfortunately have to put a bunch of specific people in the ground

The weekend is here so that means it's time to get on one end or the other of the lakeside picnic table

"My kleptomania is a disability, so if you question me stealing your things that's a HIPAA violation"

"And didya hear this? Now someone used a knife to cut a hole in the granite and make algae grow"

Think I'll work on winding down the day with some Father's Day tuneage

Me and @ap-cdn.bsky.social today

Happy Father's Day

I'm currently under the impression that pre-teen me getting hornt up over Jessica Rabbit is what spun us into this simulation that is clearly a "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" one off, but I know a week from now things will be exponentially stupider and my previous hypothesis would sound ridiculous

We need fewer faux-thinkpieces about mundane topics

Sometimes I watch Vanishing Point, particularly the final scenes, and everything makes a lot more sense to me

Really excited about my new group chat I started that's all about the importance of awnings

I wish I knew a way to properly articulate the whole thing about how you can build an entire life for a bunch of people who then just decide to leave you behind when it's expedient for them.

Was at the hardware store. "Joey" by Concrete Blonde came on. I transmogrified into a white pair of New Balance low tops

Saw a display at the grocery store showing off all the stuff for grilling out. Figured they'd be pushing Halloween candy by now

🤘

Tactical Kegels is the name of my Faster Pussycat cover band. We play Tolbert's next Wednesday, downbeat at 8:30

"Whether it's Paxton and his various mistresses that frequently are brought up in his messy legal battles, or Talarico and his previous girlfriend, it seems both candidates struggle to find "the one."

This is funny because it got put in my TL by someone who is not a p1 even though OP is probably a p1

I don't see it

The Rs in Texas are perfectly functional, nothing to see here

"My idea: a two-hour medley of 'Bawitdaba/Country Boy Can Survive/Proud To Be An American.'"

On the plus side, my kids will all be with their moms this summer (like they are the rest of the year also) so I've got spare time

I'm still figuring out how many catalytic converters I need to sell to the scrap yard in order to be able to make the trip

Mewn

Every time Memorial Day happens to fall on a Monday it throws off my whole week

Mewn

Fun fact for people who know an aircraft *can* operate with only one of its two engines: an aircraft operating with only one of its two engines has reduced its backup plans by approximately 100%

TIL: when you ask "what happened to the weirdo libertarians in that one New Hampshire town?" you have to follow up by saying "no, I mean the other one"

Thinking about how when Bear Grylls got exposed as a fraud he just leaned into it and basically said "I don't need to be credible, I just need to be entertaining" which is dubious enough, but then he gained popularity after that. Gained. Everything makes sense now

I used to know far too many people in Fort Worth who rarely traveled more than a few miles outside of Loop 820, had most dinners DoorDashed to them, and considered hitting the movie theater and Chili's in Alliance Town Center as an eventful night out

Just a quick shot of the moon and Venus

Thinking about the time I went to a McMurtry show many years ago and an attractive woman kept trying to talk to me, using the playbook one would use if one were trying to flirt, asking me about myself, about McMurtry, etc. And I was very dismissive because I was there to see McMurtry

It's like this guy never watched Adrian Beltre play third base

Woke up this morning confused about the time, day, and where I was. 2/10, do not recommend

The only thing you might want to check up on is whether she managed to get a dude to pay for most of the house until she reached a point to where the dude wasn't useful to her anymore, then swindled the dude out of the house. Ask me how I'm familiar with this scenario.

The fortune teller told me nothin', That I wouldn't have found out on my own

I imagine a world where on the afternoon of May 12, 1986, preteen Bob and preteen Dan were sitting around advocating for the firing of Rangers Hitting Coach Tom Robson

I think margaritas are good

You should "stop hitting yourself," according to person who is currently grasping your wrist and repeatedly pushing your fist into your chest

Youtube has told me to watch The Lost Boys and I have a feeling this isn't going to hold up well

I do not want to earn points on this purchase. I do not want to sign up to receive emails about future promotions and sales. I do not want to log in with my account ID. I do not want to provide feedback to your chat bot. I do not want to leave a Google review. I want to buy these trash bags

"I literally know nothing about the world outside this county and think the periodic table comes from IKEA, but I damned well know what I have paid for gas every week since 1980."

Why is it cold outside? I specifically ordered uncold

I'm not sure about having a garbanzo bean on my hand, however...

It's all people who are totally incapable of understanding science is an attempt to accurately describe the universe, and who understand it solely through vague emotional attachments to things they learned as children and feel personally wronged when the science changes

I take brage with this skeet

Saw these adorable little kids running a lemonade stand in their front yard so I stopped to talk to them. They're raising money to cover their mom's cancer treatment, I told them I'd like to purchase one lemonade. They demanded to see my ID so I went to the courthouse and voted several times instead