Meme idea: bad smart boyfriend vs good smart boyfriend vs ASCENDED BEING OF LIGHT

Game side quest idea: you get scammed out of your money irl

Pet play but its a salt water aquarium. You sit on the counter and I occasionally stare at you

Update no one asked for: hand written notes and a heavy amount of help led me to a repair store that had moved. Then I realized there was a more local place. Walk there, can't get in, walk back, email asking how I get in the building, walk back, drop the phone off, walk home. Nothing since.

Like actually died, not chargeable dead. Hitting me again and again how dependent I am. "Well I could write the directions down on the notes a- no I can't." "I could order an uber... but if I need MFA..." "Could call s-" "Could call someone on another phone if I check my cont-"

My phone just died and my dependence on it for GPS is rapidly setting in.

I miss when you could have gif avatars. This would be mine

I still love how my searches end up being fodder for targeted marketing that still misses the target. I searched for replacement mop heads for my Movahome mop/vacuum. Please make all of my ads the robot I already purchased. I am ecstatic I don't have to see anything else.

I'm going to be even more controversial. The edibles *themselves* should do something to make them less appetizing. Not picking on cannabis, as I think gummy vitamins are not safe as a product concept either. It shouldn't taste great to dose yourself with anything.

Some put men into the sea, and some put the sea into men. Thats why its called semen.

i drink grapefruit juice on prime numbered days specifically to confuse my pharmacist am I a bad person

This brought me joy.

Its always "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" and never "I feel like I ate a horse" Really says something about the greed in our society.

oh to be a creature splish splashing in the mud

I've programmed an AI video lady with giant honkers to read my posts on youtube in order to Reach The Voters

Nobody can teach you how to grieve but death itself, and I loathe every lesson given.

How grandpa looks when grandma hands him the phone and he has to listen to a five year old babble as he tries to keep his eyes on wheel of fortune

The biggest obstacle to immortality research is that every person who wants it wants it for themselves, but all medical advances stem from those who want to help others. It's almost poetic.

Calling boobs "big ol' slappers" pisses of the bourgeoisie.

This shirt, but the condition is "sadomasochism". I'd wear it.

Drank two more. I wanna drive a F-350 right now.

Plugged the drinking into a bac calculator. I'm dizzy as fuck and impulsive. More than I've drank before. IM STill below the fucking driving limit??? what the actual hell is wrong with this country.

Why does alcohol make me dizzy. Is the vestibular system stupid?

Happy 4/20 everyone I am sorry to inform you that this appears to be real

I broke my leg and am bleeding heavily. First thing I do, obviously, is check Yelp reviews for the best rated hospital.

I’m sorry but the rest of your life is going to be spent finding out about some new weird annoying guy, and then finding out he died

We're all one big fappy hamily

On today's episode of Philosopher or Serial Killer: "Terror and atrocious suffering turn the mouth into the organ of rending screams"

🎩 🇮🇩🇮🇩🇮🇩 👁️ 👁️ 🇵🇱🇵🇱🇵🇱

Salesforce showed a survey in the documentation "how likely are you to recommend Salesforce to a business having similar business issues" MF you ARE the business issues.

smash. Next.

You don't end up in this predicament by making good choices. He deserves to be there.

I am actually conceived without the seed of man, just like Jesus. it is just a coincidence that the conception happened on my parent's honeymoon.

I had an idea for a dumb AI thing: input any tweet/skeet/comment, and it decides which deadly sin it most closely represents. This would be sloth, for example.

I’m at Godot Airport. My flight hasn’t shown up but an employee there assures me it will be here soon. #TSA #GodotAirport

"Blueskee"

Guy who wants to say a girl is a work of art, but doesn't know how to pronounce Louvre: I think you should hang yourself in the loo.

Out of context DND: *Party is talking to a horned devil who wants us to kill a dragon and bring back his head.* "What do we get in exchange?" "What if we accidentally destroy the head?" "Have you seen my grandma?"

Favorite voice acting is when someone is yelling, but you can tell they live around people, so the yelling is clearly restrained. IDK why it is funny to me www.youtube.com/shorts/4W-a0...

Like right now, Youtube has a bug where I can't watch anything in a playlist, because the playlist will go to the next video after 10 seconds, even when paused. This shit didn't happen before the AI coding initiatives!

"redact my pages" Slenderstein

I was born one morning on Saturday night

Some people have burnt monkey testicle problems, I have burnt monkey testicle solutions (new snack sensation)

Are you a lapper? Or a slapper?

After a lengthy appeals process and productive discussion with the Blue Sky safety team I will no loinger be sending George Thorogood lyrics to beautiful women on here via DM. Thank you all

Deleted Minecraft's META-INF, just in case it felt safe.