They had to stop serving fish tacos at my high schools cafeteria because at the time they were considered too gay. The stone is heavy and the work never ends but it is moving forwards

I’m a Barry Goldwater volksfront

The only way to stop a religious fanatic with five thousand nuclear weapons is a secular fanatic with five thousand nuclear weapons

Malcolm is a portmanteau of milk and cum

Hey siri blue man group origin story

Sudokus made my brain as hard as a rock

I wish I could tell you about some of the things goofus did that didn’t make highlights for children but they made us sign an NDA

Your phone should cryogenically freeze you while you’re on hold and thaw you out when you get through

Playing the end part of the Burger King commercials where they say you rule! to myself over and over again and smiling

I learned a lot the concept of death from Boston Legal

I thought dentists were just from wrestling until I was 32

My dentists office has been playing the same dead milkmen cd every time I’ve gone there for the past nine years

They should make a toilet where the poop gets sucked up from the bowl and sprayed all over your neck and back from the top of the tank

Nice. Perfect timing.

Taking my vitamins on an empty stomach. Who even cares anymore

I either need to eat fifty grams of protein or expel 200

Refrigreatables. The snack you can put in the fridge

My first dentists practice was in a crawlspace and the second one was in like a mud room/foyer and the third one was in a hut built out of particle board in the middle of some guys basement. Disbarred after that. Or whatever the dentist version of that is. Dishonorably toothcharged

Dentist offices will just open up in any style of building. That’s punk rock

Street art pisses me off so bad. That space was supposed to be for gray

Sitting in my ofice job drinking a cold can of Coke Zero. Doesn’t get much better than this

Coke Zero is just cosplay to you

I know there must be heaven because brother I’ve seen hell would be a beautiful slogan for Safeway

Chicken Garlic Mushrooms Chard thyme White wine Salsa casera Hagen daszsz bars

First morning in Horses Instead of Pigs Twin Peaks, Diane. Breakfast at the Double R Diner; delicious. Black coffee, two eggs over easy wheat toast and bacon so rare it was still neighing

Every problem can be solved by some combination of tummy time and a gun

My goofus days are behind me. Now I just need to track down all those handguns I misplaced

Me and goofus are remaking planet of the apes except instead of being in the future where apes have replaced mankind it’s going to be two and a half hours of things that are good to do vs things that are bad to do

The email I got said my post got me four strikes. Just pick another word at that point

Small today. Big again tomorrow. Busy week.

Watching The Good Fight was an hp lovecraft level insanity inducing event for me

Boston legal between songs music: mhhhmmmmmmm ooohh yeaaaahhhh ohhhhhh yeahhh mhmmmmmmm Me: preach brother

Sharpening my scythe on a whetstone in the breakroom

War of all against all happened to my buddy

Need oxygen? There’s a Prodigy song for that. Bitch acting up? There’s a Prodigy song for that. Groping your way blindly through a dark and hostile world? That’s right, there’s a Prodigy song for that

jewel, 2025

Nothing funny about toxic shock syndrome except for two small things

Hey siri can you get toxic shock syndrome from a paramount+ commercial

Your scented garbage bag lifestyle has made you soft and weak

Can I borrow your callus I have some handshakes to do

selling live chickens out of my studio apartment

Rfk jr is a pussy for eating potatoes with his tallow

Hard times make men that sleep with their hands in velvet gloves full of Vaseline. Men that sleep with their hands in velvet gloves full of Vaseline make good yikes. Good times make men that sleep with their hands in sandpaper gloves that give you calluses

Asked my doctor about white collar speedballs and he asked to check my hands for calluses

Last time I got a three day I just stopped going on the computer for 72 hours. Nice quantitative way to measure the way I’ve become an appreciably worse person.

@opusdei.bsky.social me dê seu nome de usuário.

I refuse to see live music ever again

Keep the western lands weird

Death be not weird