getting waffle house at midnight after thanksgiving to prove i’m a real american

happy thanksgiving joni has arrived

labubong?!

from the makers of Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix

inside of you are two otters

from the makers of Shasta, Faygo, and La Croix

inside of you are two otters

They get money from Pete to buy 20 cakes. Then they go to the store and get 21 cakes for free with the card. They give 20 cakes to Pete for the sketch. They go to the store with one cake to show how its misspelled and 20 empty boxes from the other cakes. They get money from the store for the […]

Autumn walk: This used to be the track of the old railway line from Berlin to the town of Potsdam. Opened in 1838, it was the first railway line in Prussia, the second in Germany. Whilst most of it is still in use, this branch has been closed in 1980, after […] [Original post on berlin.social]

TIL, "Canadian Cobra Chicken"

my dad thinks i have a drinking problem because i was unemployed, depressed, and he had a full bar last time i lived with him... so, anyway he sent me a wine advent calendar and proceeded to make me feel like a lush by saying "remember it's meant to last 12 days" 🙃

Knights 2Old2Republic

Domino's App feat. Hatsune Miku

r.i.p. jackie chan, you would have hated rush hour 4

benevolently annoying

chatgpt just like me frfr; i learned how to type an em-dashes on a mac in college and proceeded to use them Far Too Often

there are four people in my department: 1 is retiring in April 1 isn't having her contract renewed 1 put in her 2 week notice yesterday 1 is me FUUUUUUUUUUCK

i’m all for gay rights And crimes i’m against whatever instagram ads targeted specifically at “bottoms” is

if teens can make a chatbot their first girlfriend, certainly i can make this large pepperoni pizza my first boyfriend

you’re gonna need both your hands at 100% when you enter the middle southern alabama handjob competition if you’re gonna make nationals

Wicked is the earliest personal example i can think of of me just straight up pretending not to like something because I disliked the people who liked it. Because, in high school, you could Only like Wicked or Rent--not both.

"endorsed by gaming experts"

you’re gonna need both your hands at 100% when you enter the middle southern alabama handjob competition if you’re gonna make nationals

watched all of celebrity traitors spoiler free today and i’m glad i did; what a ride

> keep reading A.I. as the human name Al

i’m all for gay rights And crimes i’m against whatever instagram ads targeted specifically at “bottoms” is

accidentally ordered beer from a town over on doordash and now i’m watching it get here like im playing The Oregon Trail

he wants soup

you know i'm seriously behind when i send out a mass "if i attempt to talk to you between 1 and 4 please yell at me to get back to work" text to all my friends

Solidarity with the trans community on this Trans Day of Remembrance, and every day ✊ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_Day_of_Remembrance #transrights #transdayofremembrance #transrightsarehumanrights

Tummy problems, who's got 'em? I've got 'em too Tummy trouble, we've got double Don't know what to do (nana na na na)

it’s happening again https://mastodon.social/@schwegler/115568066311171652

if teens can make a chatbot their first girlfriend, certainly i can make this large pepperoni pizza my first boyfriend

github, rn: what fucking file are you talking about, mate? i don't know of any file by that name

a freshly fermented novella

RE: https://mastodon.social/@schwegler/115572738287584720 just fucking TOILING away reading all them books working up a Sweat over the stove reading them books

"read books from scratch"? dafuq?

TIL Melanie Lynskey is in Don’t Look Up so i guess i'm finally gonna watch That now

i complain when i'm busy i complain when i'm bored clearly the problem is just Work

remember Akamai?

"you're at work and should be working so you can't get mad that None of your friends are responding to your texts" i tell myself in the bathroom mirror at work while wiping away the tears

RE: https://mstdn.social/@TechCrunch/115570832621118690 OH I CANT SEE HOW THIS COULD GO WRONG IN ANY WAY

literally only one bee out today and it was hiding behind the leaves

idk what you mean, i Love being overdrawn at the bank a week before pay day :-/

birthday reminders for people you can't remember

it's AI's fault the infrastructure of the internet seems to crash bi-weekly now, isn't it?

Down, indeed!

if they aren't making more, will scarcity eventually raise the value of the penny?

RIP John Mastodon or whatever

what? like You’ve never traded all four railroads in monopoly for a blowjob?