i’m starting a list of reasons to believe again in 2026 1. jake paul getting his jaw broken in two places 2. andrew tate getting knocked out 3. zohran mamdani

woke 2 electric boogaloo

zohran when asked if had any thoughts about dick cheney dying

“hot girls for cuomo” ladies he does not want to fuck you. mainly because you’d be willing participants

i can’t explain it but i know in my heart that blastoise is black. like, ethnically

34 and running for mayor? he should be at the club zohran:

“is rené a black woman’s name or a french man’s name?” me, grabbing my drink from the barista: i have no idea man

i’m not okay with what happened to tyreek hill, but tyreek hill would be okay with what happened to tyreek hill

i disrespectfully agree

i would pay top dollar to watch whatever episode south park was supposed to air tonight

nothing says you’re bisexual like your mom asking if you’re a lesbian

sending the national guard to dc who were ultimately assigned landscaping duty tells me we’ve always had the ability to mobilize resources to support communities, but we just fucking don’t

being an academic is wild sometimes. i’ll be reading about the psychometric properties of a clinical assessment tool and realize - oh shit my boy tony wrote this. i’ve seen this man chug beer

going to an academic conference, call that a nerds cluster

i will take every opportunity to bitch and moan

the embarrassment of buying a vibrator that arrives broken and having to contact support to complain

we’re going to dismantle the federal government group chat by group chat

my husband of ten years watching me eat an oreo: have you always eaten them like that

it’s almost international women’s day and my husband hasn’t asked me to be his woman

Every day I have to hear about some asshole

happy president’s day to kamala harris and kamala harris only

i hate how we don’t have memes anymore. we had rage comics and infamous characters like bad luck brian and scumbag steve. then it evolved to iterations of iconic tv and vine moments. and now there is just…nothing.

i need a 52 year old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife . i am worried our offspring wont be sufficiently feeble and/or annoying

wait so like which executive order actually helped working class families

not sure what can get me through these trying times, even if just for a little bit. maybe a new luigi photo op

pete buttigieg doesn’t use bluesky but if he did, i’d tell him to be meaner. like way meaner

Take back your attention.

holy fuck i’d take mitt romney at this point

i need to see glenn close play cruella de vil again. the disney re(re)make we didn’t know we needed

y’all can’t even find greenland on a map

biting is stabbing with little bones in your mouth

i’m a big fan of women doing anything

you can’t punish people out of poverty bro

headline: people are being silenced. here’s what they shared with us during their four hour interview

“how many calories are in this edible?” girl it don’t matter you’re gonna scarf down 3,000 calories from munchies alone

the best part about my cat’s auto feeder is when he sticks his paw up the dispenser like it stole his dollar

i’m a victim of fanfiction. a fictim, if you will

having a baby is a natural himan instinct that everyone strives to achieve. so natural that we must force it by law

i get a slight sense of dread when my uber eats driver has a rating below 90%

i will dismantle the establishment penis by penis

dog walks into the room: hi sweet baby :) cat walks into the room: hey you piece of shit :)

they should make healthcare for women

nothing compares to the bliss of a lime skittle

hey guys remember that beach that made you old

whoever coined the word “squiggle” was spot on. that shit is a squiggle

idc what kind of milk you prefer but can we all agree we’re not having it by the glass

“fan girl” and “bad bitch” are gender neutral

using the work laptop for fanfiction 👍🏻

it really sucks that shitty people can also be objectively funny