Nicknaming NYC “the Big Apple” was a psyop to keep people off the trail of the apple industrial complex and it worked

Donald Trump was born to participate in a NYC mayoral debate

In this Indiana diner, everyone has three questions: How's the breaded tenderloin? Is the quarry hiring? And why isn't Zohran Mamdani doing more to win the trust of Times columnist Bret Stephens?

This is a great idea for a program but I thought this person snuck a seal into the photo

You can just black out tattoos you don’t like anymore, like it’s extremely easy if you want that tattoo gone

I haven’t gotten sick in almost two years but I have felt like I’m going to wake up sick tomorrow basically every day since then

My therapist told me I would be a good parent and that feels like something he isn’t allowed to say, legally

Food stamps should cover batteries

Just remember the first time I went to a therapist at 16yo I didn’t want to talk so she had this jenga set with different questions written on all the blocks, like what a fucking bananas way to try to get someone who thinks it isn’t safe to open up to people to open up to you lmao

Saw a sign downtown today that said “no morbidly obese billionaires,” like not even a bad pun or a poop joke or anything

The thing about working at the lowkey anarchist preschool is I said we had to be quiet because it was quiet time and this girl yelled, “you don’t control me!” and it shook me to my core. All I could say was, “yeah, you are right”

phone autocorrected “trying” to “TRYING” is this who i am

Getting my suicide assisted at Claire’s

I really love working at preschool but a thing no one warned be about is the kids love the song “Who Let The Dogs Out” and now there’s a really good chance the song “Who Let The Dogs Out” is stuck in my head at any given time

Never shoulda bought that giant canister of coffee on clearance for 81 cents because that’s basically the cheapest coffee could be and now all other deals look like garbage in comparison

There’s a cashier at the circle k who always tells me (and only me) to “stay safe out there” and I desperately want to know what he thinks my deal is

mr pope

Under the rug is actually like the perfect spot to sweep things

When you accidentally startle a wild rabbit. That’s a bad feeling. That’s up there with when a dog doesn’t like you.

Managed to set myself up with a five-day weekend with zero work-free days 👍👍

Dear trans folks: please publish your personal stories in zines. Let us help you do it

Shoutout to my anxiety brain for giving me a timeless classic nightmare in these trying times, “You Have to Go Back to Seventh Grade”. Nothing topical here, thank you very much!

One of the big rules of ketamine treatment is “don’t read bad news during it” and ketamine does its part to make it very almost impossible to read, but here I am. Reading bad news with one eye squeezed shut

Man apologized for sitting near me while smoking a cigar and the look I gave him made him get up and leave

What do you mean, Karl Rove is “still alive”

Left the function early because I was sleepy, got bored waiting 10 minutes for the bus to come, walked 3 miles home instead

Got an ad for a product that “smashes pickleball’s status quo”. Calm down

What the fuck happened that made people think upcycling means buying perfectly good clothes from thrift stores and cutting them up to make patches

We should be allowed to blow our nose but for ears

haven’t really talked to anyone about this but i’m kinda getting into diet pepsi

Did Jar Jar Binks end up doing any other movies

I keep thinking about how the Colorado shooter probably got roasted by his brainrotted internet buddies about not even making the news

Kid at preschool likes playing with my scars and yesterday he was like “I’m making a fire with the scratches. I’m roasting marshmallows on the flaming Jesus.” ???? I mean hell yeah man, I love marshmallows, have at it

Had no idea Neil Young looked like that

I think there’s a difference between being glad someone was murdered and being glad that person is dead. That’s nuance, baby

Dreamt about a game that was a combination of Scrabble and Jenga. It was terrible. Absolutely dogshit game.

Very funny that he ordered flags be flown at half-mast on a day when they are already flown at half-mast

Noticing a lot of folks only care about shootings when they are decidedly not mass

Stanley Rubric

I was sitting on my stoop and my neighbor who I’ve only talked with once walked by and said smiled big and said, “did you hear the news?!” and it was such a nice glimpse of what it’ll be like when it happens

Shoutout to the mail carrier I saw walking their route in Doc Martens. Are you okay

Sometimes not having a car is so embarrassing because not only are you walking around crying in public but you’ve got a backpack on

Damn, they're snitchjaketing the president now?

What’s Dennis Kucinich up to. Is he on Bluesky

Maybe, like me, you thought a Cybertruck couldn’t look any stupider. But let me tell you: today I saw one with a “student driver” bumper sticker slapped on the back

Fully convinced that if I can just put this shelf up in the bathroom then all my troubles will go away

Saw a pair of pants for $19.99 at Goodwill today. The west side Goodwill! $19.99. We’re done for.

Much like "crab", industrial music is constantly re-evolving from first principles basically anywhere where there's a bunch of metal and plastic laying about