That's cool, because I'm open-minded about not voting for him

My boyfriend is like a decade older than me. Cancel him

"Pride isn't about what happens in my bedroom" Speak for yourself! I'm very proud of what I do in the bedroom. Some of my best work 😅

I do love an ice lolly

Me: *explains the salad I'm planning on making* Them: No tomatoes Me: Fine Them: I find them wet and gross Me: like my blow job technique

I'm so hot

Shirtless pics > dick pics I said what I said

Me (looking at a large storage box): That would easily fit a body... Maybe even two Them: But wouldn't you want something that chilled them? Me: with the cost of energy maybe you just have to make do

Metamours? Oh, you mean my sister wives

Depending on the bear, I reckon I have a shot 😏

Rock, paper, scissors; egg & spoon race; dance battle; and conkers (unfortunately not in season)

Tummy

The US military has 22 sites in the UK. Every day long range US bombers are taking off here to drop bombs on Iran. This is a rogue state carrying out war crimes, and threatening more. The UK Government must grow a spine - and stop our bases being used for this war.

I think inventing creme eggs might have been Jesus' greatest achievement

Me: *compliments bf* Bf: I *am* a bit of alright Me: okay Mary Berry Bf: ...but *she* doesn't like soggy bottoms 💀💀💀

Ina Garten Brings In Intimacy Coordinator For Shot With Fresh Lemon Tart https://theonion.com/ina-garten-brings-in-intimacy-coordinator-for-shot-with-fresh-lemon-tart/

Fuck Apple! When authoritarian governments are bringing in shitty laws it's useful to see which companies will go *above and beyond* them. This isn't required by law and yet Apple were horny to comply in advance www.theguardian.com/technology/2...

I caveat this by saying I don't know all the intricacies of American politics, but everything I have seen about this man makes me think he's terrible www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

Don't get me wrong, you can come to anxiety later in life, but unless you start early, you'll never be an expert 😌

Tell me I'm not the only one that reads this as "I'm forever and ever in love with pole"

Good evening, people in my phone

Can I interest anyone in a squirty topping??

Post Oscars thought: I wonder how many statuettes have been inside someone 🤔

Poppers?

My safe word is "grapefruit" because I can't take it anymore

Would anyone like some chocolate orange babka?

I have strong opinions on this 😅 Currently, I mostly write with a Fisher Space Pen (shuttle or bullet) but if I need to write a lot down I'll always go for a Bic Cristal Grip. Always black ink. But if I had to choose, I'm reaching for 7

Me, trying to explain chastity: he dungeoned my dragon

Or whatever Kpop Demon Hunters sing

Me when I'm looking at the restaurant menu

*opens front camera* Is there ever a time when my hair is not messy??

One of the benefits of going on a road trip with me

Unhinged thing I've said to my boyfriend: "Yeah, I'll tongue fuck that naughty lil creme egg"

Went to the store and they had stolen my diary

Look how @capitaloftexas.bsky.social bullies me in DMs 😭

I find it terrifying that 23% of people polled didn't know who controls the House and Senate. Also, this isn't me shitting on Americans, I'm sure it would be much the same over here

Me, talking to a top, pointing at my ass

I made challah and the braiding could be neater but I tried my best and am pretty happy with the end result

Age verification? I saw Shrek in the cinema

Nearly every BBC News article about the Epstein files contains the line "Being named in the Epstein files is not an indication of misconduct." I really want to know whose lawyers insisted on that

I feel like social media CEOs are under the misapprehension that we're there because we love their company when we are there only because it is currently the least worst option

I totally disagree with the premise. The left's general idea is "everyone should be better off" and the right's is "No they fucking shouldn't." Why would the left want to "win back the internet" if it involves having to spend time arguing with those losers? Echo chambers are pretty great, actually

I think I look my best in bed 😅

This is what I have to deal with from @arieskadmon.bsky.social.... actually, I can't pretend I don't enjoy it

Stitched this over the weekend

Hey

I'm just that good 😌

Thinking of changing usernames. On the one hand, I made this username eight years ago after about five minutes of consideration. On the other hand, when anyone changes usernames it takes me like six months to remember who they are

They McDonald's my coke until I fountain