You don't even have to know a single thing about the politics this butterball is talking about to know that it must be so fucking lame that it will fail just because this rizzless ass man is screaming about it. Is he for free soda in your dorm? Man sucks to be you because you ain't getting it

I mean Jesus Christ when I get to the point in my life where all of my skin stops acting like real live skin and my hair stops acting like real live hair I want a legal order rhat people must STOP TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS OF ME This Cuck straight up gets off on it

It's hard for me to imagine what it must be like for people in other countries to watch all of the absolutely heinous illegal terrifying things the US does and not feel like they need to actually do something to stop it like right now with a fucking axe because what else can you do?

They're just fucking with us now, right?

It's funny because this is the only thing this guy ever cared about his whole life and it comes exactly when literally no one uses paper money anymore. "It" will happen and he'll go down so so happy about the money thing meanwhile no one on earth will notice

We throw around the term "a special place in hell" a lot, and it's cold comfort to be sure, but if there is any such thing as cosmic justice these people will spend eternity rubbing shoulders with Hitler and Goebbels

Project Hail Mary was certainly a little goofier and more kid friendly than I would have expected from the book but it was also, dare I say, A Hell of a Good Time at DA MOVIES

I know nothing means anything anymore, but if a poll shows 100% support for ANYTHING you have by definition polled exclusively people who believe that thing and it is therefore not a meaningful poll of anything

If they could just inject fentanyl into you through your phone they would 100% be doing it. It's all just an approximation of that until they figure out the logistics. And I bet they will

I'm just fucking EXHAUSTED. It's one thing to know people like this exist and can/do rise to enormous wealth and power but it's another thing to just get pummeled about the head with ever more insanely blatant examples of their lack of basic fucking human decency 100 fucking times a fucking day

This has been frozen on the TV in the bar for an hour and I kind of want them to commission an oil painting of it and hang it on the wall

An entire dying generation watching the lights go out as they realize so long after the rest of us that the USA hasn't produced the best baseball players for many many decades...

I keep making jokes about how Chris Kattan had his neck amputated like that ITYSL sketch but I'm starting to think he actually did have to have some kind of radical neck reduction surgery and I've just been really insensitive

It would be so fucking funny if it was Biden

"World War 2. That's the Hitler one right?" Might be the first time I've genuinely laughed at an awards show joke ever

As silly as it was to build an entire world economy on liquid dinosaur bones you can set on fire, it should have been a clue when there was just this one tiny little waterway on the whole planet that could basically shut the whole thing down

I realize he's just bad at it the way he's bad at everything, but a little weird he keeps OVER estimating. You'd think he'd look at Rubio and be like "So you're like a 7.5 right?"

Shut up I'm not crying, you're crying

Disregard all the ways he is just genetically stupid and incapable of talking like a head of state, how do the people around him allow cameras and microphones anywhere near him?

Baffling to me that people are mad about "losing an hour" when this is objectively the best night of the year. The 5pm sunsets are done for 8 months! This is literally my Christmas

Oh, did Trump hype the stock market right before launching a mideast oil war on a Saturday that crashed the stock market? The irony...I wonder if anyone close to him might have some financial records an independent SEC would investigate... Guess we'll never know

Just got off the phone with my dad who is a diehard Reagan republican but, thank god, swore off politics after Trump I to enjoy his golden years I had to explain to him "No, the guy's name is Markwayne. One word. No, not hyphenated. And somehow he looks and acts even dumber than that name suggests"

Time's a flat circle and all but given the efficiency of govt contracting work it's becoming more and more likely Trump won't even get to set foot in this thing before 2028 and no matter what else happens that is EXTREMELY funny

All this Markwayne Mullin shit has me thinking about other suckasses who seemed primed to move up in this admin Remember Jim Jordan? How the fuck is that guy not on TV every day clucking about like "essential lethality" or whatever? They just cycle through these guys like toilet paper

It's damn near Q2 2026. If your streaming service (and for some reason individual shows) don't have a skip recap/credits button you should be locked up (I'm looking at you, The Pitt)

This absolutely broke my brain so badly I had to Google "serial killer gacy" That is some first ballot HOF posting

Apparently it's a famous joke but...why wouldn't anyone like the Velvet Underground? I can understand not knowing about them but I honestly don't get just not liking it. Maybe the Nico stuff isn't everyone's cup of tea but like White Heat era stuff? It's like not liking Exile on Main Street

When Kristi Noem inevitably tries to do a turn to MSNBC resistance lib with some juicy insider gossip I am going to take note of every single one of you chumps who falls for it for even one second

The next leader of Iran?

Kristi Noem… Noem… No’m gonna be working here no more, anyway.

He actually thinks he's creating S.H.I.E.L.D.

You guys, I know we've talked a lot of shit about the other app but did you know you can now extend your Grok Imagine videos? We might have been a little hasty with our judgement

Were we already done when we invented the telephone? Was that too much of a leap for a bunch of apes to ever hope to deal with? Certainly radio/TV was a step too far but I wonder if the writing was on the wall even with like the printing press

We are absolutely cooked as a species. I don't see any way out of this. It is going to keep getting exponentially worse until someone hits the button. It would take some kind of large scale EMP intervention that destroys all modern technology to even give us a chance

Setting aside that this guy is a senile moron, WE ARE THE ONLY COUNTRY THAT HAS EVER USED NUCLEAR WEAPONS

I need all of these people to be put underneath the prison and that is me being EXTREMELY GENEROUS because I fundamentally don't believe in capital punishment

Kanye West took out a full page ad apologizing for his antisemitism and acknowledging that's what he was doing. It's not good when someone running for senator can't meet the moral bar of "Kanye West"

I don't agree with it, but I can understand a military official touting the idea that extreme violence is a necessary part of national security But you're not supposed to openly derive pleasure from it Punching someone while they're down is not something you BRAG about

You live your life sheltered in the west and read this kind of thing every day and you can't help but let it just slide off of you, but the sheer casualness with which this particular barbarism is being conducted is just...I mean the guy just started rambling about his drapes while announcing this

My doctor told me I might be pre-diabetic today and it was a real kick in the ass that made me rethink a lot of life decisions and then I came home and saw that apparently we're just all about to meet the Horsemen so I made a frozen pizza and ate some ice cream

I don't know who this random substack person is or if this is just some Onion shit but could we please get some real reporting please because if true this is the most horrifying thing I have ever read in my entire life

Real question: has anyone done a breathalyzer on Pete Hegseth recently?

THESE. PEOPLE. CAN. NOT. BE. IN. CHARGE. OF. SERIOUS. THINGS. THEY ARE STUPID PEOPLE AND I DON'T CARE IF STUPIDER PEOPLE ELECTED THEM!

Before starting a war: we won't discuss hypotheticals During the war: we won't debate the war while people are dying in the war After the war (if that ever happens): that was in the past, there's no reason to discuss it now

so, torture. they’re torturing them as federal policy. entirely predictable, but that doesn’t make it any less evil

Trying to imagine how the fall of Rome would be recorded via social media if it had somehow existed. Accepting packets But also, seems likely that it would have happened WAY earlier if social media had existed

I have Possum Kingdom by Toadies stuck in my head except he's signing "So help me Teenjus" It's becoming a real problem

The byline will absolutely SHOCK you