Anyone wanna go on a road trip to Baphiana, Mississippi? How bout Idspala?

One of my favorite TikTok genres is GenZ listening to 90s rock and FEELING IT. Like Pearl Jam’s Black. Because yes child, let it out. Let it all out.

Two years ago today I came in second place in a comedy battle in Memphis. First place was a professional touring comedian who said I would have won if he didn’t know half the audience. Life peaked that day tbh.

Vacation time!!

How many scones from this conference can I sneak into my bag?

I’m heading to Indiana Tuesday morning. When will I start packing?

I want to thank everyone for following me on Threads, an app I don’t recall ever having been on

I want boudin.

Dreamt that I married Hasan Piker

I overthunk but Heavy, Kiese Laymon Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson Uncle Tom’s Children, Richard Wright I’m gonna go overthink some more tbh. Heavy is without a doubt my number one but the rest are a challenge

Everything is four grams of fiber! Every single thing! Four grams! About to start beansmaxxing à la @finchinabq.bsky.social, man. I can’t live like this.

“Just because you meet three people with level three autism doesn’t mean they are going to be the same,” Shavvone Williams said. “If you meet one person with autism, you just meet that one person. It’s literally different in everybody.”

Started using inverted pyramid in my work emails so I guess you could say I’m definitely using my degree

I’m gonna vote for whoever doesn’t fucking text me

My 3lb preemie baby boy will be 20 in a few weeks and surely that’s fake news? How does time work?

Agreed. This is the Hall of Fame schedule release video, nothing else could come close.

If you have long eyelashes and wear glasses, can you give me advice on what kind of glasses I can get that won’t be constantly smudged from my greasy-ass eyelashes?

I take a tiny bit of psychic damage every time someone uses the video I took on the scariest day of my journalism career as sports trash talk fodder so these last cpl days have been a little weird for me. Thankful for a busy job to keep me out of my head.

pure cinema

Logged in, got extremely angry, realized I was on the Discover tab, did a little sliiiiiide to the right, felt much better.

Old sea captain ass dog

I think my favorite political dynamic in America is "person mad at their mayor," it's perfect. The stakes are real. You might just run into the mayor. They get annoyed and have really low-turnout elections they can lose.

Hey bro, could you pass me a puff & chunk www.samsclub.com/ip/built-pro...

@finchinabq.bsky.social you’re not gonna FUCKING believe this

Mississippi is so DAMN pretty. Sheesh. 😍😍😍😍😍

Mom: “did y’all stay up late talking?” Big sister: “we watched fart videos until I went to bed at 9.” Me:

This mfer was on the ground for almost 70 miles. I drove across that line yesterday. It is an actual miracle that nobody was killed, but the destruction is incredible.

I’m in an area that was hit by this week’s tornadoes and I’ve never seen trees look like that except on TV. Just horrifying.

Drove an hour with a Japanese maple sapling tickling my ear

Asking “does the sex start soon” every couple minutes during Mission Impossible

Should I get an upper bleph

Coast to coast, wall to wall, it’s all Mississippi. The actual Mississippi is just on the bleeding edge of Mississippiness. Everywhere else catches up or catches on eventually, more or less. But our food is better than y’all’s. Y’all haven’t figured that part out yet.

Whole damn thing!

Damn it, not Canvas! Canvas never did anything wrong! Attack Blackboard!

I had just such a dream last night and it’s left me wanting to date again. I don’t want to want to date.

License plate: FTINGTGR My brain: “FARTING TOGETHER”

The news out of Mississippi in the morning is going to be incredibly bleak. I hate tornado season.

Been following the Ridglan beagle story and 🥹🥹🥹🥹 folks 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

I’ll bite, what’s hantavirus

When Alan Dershowitz dies I’m going to rent out an entire coliseum for celebration. His entire legacy is skeezing. Just a revolting man.

Get your bras on and your teeth in, Mississippi.

Good golly,

Have you been thinking about how you were accidentally a little rude to the mailman for four days or are you normal

White Toyota headed Southbound on the Northbound shoulder all the way through the stack before I lost sight of them. Must have forgotten their go box at Denny’s

Happy 504 Day to my NOLA babies!

2 years ago today Alex Jones accused me of starting a race war. I have lived one thousand lives.

by = ✍️ buy = 💵 bye = 👋 Bye Bye Bye = 💁🏼‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️💁🏼‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

In 2014, I fell on my face while impaired and got the most beautiful black eye anyone had ever seen. This was about a week old. My poor (now understandably ex-) husband didn’t want to be near me in public lest people blame him. A friend bought me an eyepatch. So glad to be sober.

Eastover, YANA, Rankin County 20-year-old trying to score drugs on Northside