Slightly dull semi-final so far but at least we've got that non var intervention on DCL's non hair pull, which has probably given some Man United fans a stroke

The lad who started up front for Newcastle has some of the longest legs I've ever seen on a player, he's class

On the night Chelsea won its second European Cup, the current interim Chelsea head coach Calum McFarlane, was on Twitter downplaying Tuchel’s tactics.

There's a faint glimmer of hope that Burnley could get something while it's just 0-1 but I've seen City title run ins before, that's a trap

Those poor men were barely aged at all

It's so unfair that we both had versatile academy left backs breaking through last season and City's became their player of the season while our kid forgot how to run

Big Google trends spike for "115 charges" as Arsenal fans desperately try to find a way to deflect from the team bottling it yet again

We had a lot more chances than I expected, so in a way this was a good match, but in a more important way it was fucking awful and we'll never win anything under this manager

I mean it's a red card sure but also the ref's ignored everything between those two all match and it's been really fun

It's not quite throwing the kitchen sink at them but we are about to put a wardrobe up front

There's a lot of things about this match that I won't say for fear of tempting fate but I'm happy to post that it's fucking ridiculous Haaland thinks he can score from outside of the box

Immensely concerned about the level of Barclays shown in the 2pm kickoffs

It's nice that the European championships are starting today because I might have to get really into weightlifting again if the football goes badly

Van Hecke's been class today, apart from that time he gave away the ball for the goal

De Zerbi keeps shouting at his coaches to get them to yell at a player, does he just not know his players names yet

Classic Porro game. Nice attacking play, aggressive slide tackles, unmarked left winger at the back post

Always really admired Lampard's second stint at Chelsea. That team was fucked and could do nothing but suck and he stood on the sidelines ruining his reputation just so Pochettino could get a clean slate in the summer

Love a new Premier League team. Coventry ofc not actually a new team but I have no memory of them as I was 8, they're new to me

Bet if would feel so good standing in the kitchen at night eating slices of Grey straight from the fridge

Counterintuitively I wasted more time while bluesky was down because I keep checking to see if it was back up yet. Distracted by even more nothing than usual

Love how every 10 minutes Vincius gets the ball and is the most exciting player I've ever seen and in between he just strolls around

Lol at anyone watching a Martinelli-Gyokeres-Madueke front three instead of Bayern and Madrid

Very funny how often you see something going wrong for Real Madrid and on replay you see Alexander-Arnold standing nearby, almost being a defender

Missed last week when everyone's takeaway was "Neuer still has it!" so I can confidently say he does not still have it

Dudzyyyyy on the bench

Being responsible and saying that if I really wanted a snack I'd eat some fruit, which means I've spent days carrying around the same apple

The rate at which champions league knockouts deliver great matches is so good

Tempting to laugh but managers only say this when they are very stressed

Nice of Arteta to add a little mystery and excitement to these depressing updates

Trying to judge how long I have to sit in the cold back yard before it stops being embarrassing to go back inside because I insisted "no there's a bit of sun it'll be ok out there"

Really funny to hit the pope with attack lines for politicians

Today more than ever.

It's a good job the early kickoffs were fun because there's no way I'm watching City creep ever closer

You know those "if your life was on the line and you could pick one player to take a penalty to save it" questions, idk that answer but if I needed one man to put himself about a bit to save me I'd pick Brian Brobbey

Taking the middle ground on arsenal fan arguments, we'll see out the league but we need to sack the manager as soon as he gets his medal

Not really enjoying White Lotus. This show about unpleasant rich people is full of unpleasant rich people?

A team getting a red card then conceding straight from the free kick is one of my favourite things in the sport

Quite funny that Arteta went for the classic away first leg tactic of slowing things down and keeping the crowd quiet while trying to nick one goal and it's worked perfectly yet driven several fans mad

Nice to have proof that the only reason Arsenal went for a bunch of short corners at the weekend was we didn't have a player we thought could take them properly

Pleased to discover that many of the back yard herbs I ignored all winter are starting to recover

Get those mascot helpers in there!!!!! Oh the humanity!

Southampton's manager has a very evil face

maybe i don't need to finish googling "do the fa cup quarter finals go straight to penalties"

‘Well done you big fuckin weirdo!’ A lovely tribute

disappointed by that Chelsea opener because I cba with Arsenal fulfilling this weekend's Magic of the Cup quota

Chivarreto boxing is live! www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo4e...

Roughly once a month I want to see a hundred screenshots of bad twitter jokes and this website always delivers

Thought it was mad the ref let this go even before I realised it was a hair pull

Very funny that Arsenal haven't conceded in the last five minutes