*taking rapid drags of a cigarette, eyes darting around the room, sweat pouring off my forehead, resting heart rate of 168* Everyone is using AI, right? We're all doing it! Like who even cares, right?

this is what some of you look like in short sleeve button-up shirts

You don’t hate country music, you just hate the same 100 songs of bootlicking corporatized trash about saluting the flag while drinking a beer in your truck at a football game next to your pretty silent wife in daisy dukes who also knows how to fish.

Yet only one magnificent time has it been Pale Fire.

Once I figure out how to inflate my throat sac it's over for you hoes

I have a duty to warn… 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗶𝗱𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗣𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗨𝗻𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗧𝗼𝘂𝗿 Nine cities. No frills. ♦️♦️♦️

This is coming from a place of warmth and acceptance… -It’s ‘sleight of hand’ -It’s ‘bated breath’ -It’s ‘lo and behold’ -It’s ‘one fell swoop’ -It’s ‘brass tacks’ -It’s ‘free rein’

real eye opener to find out that Punxsutawney is not spelled anywhere close to how i guessed it would be

A breathless crowd of oil traders gathers to find out if Punxsutawney Don will see his shadow today or not. Six more weeks of the strait being closed? BUY BUY BUY

“if your mother says she loves you check it out” is an old journalism adage i subscribe to in my work and in my daily life. why wouldn’t i apply it to a new technology that’s shown its flaws.

3rd assassination attempt has the same energy as ppl who say “it’s my bday month!!!” I will not explain further

This is not the time for wild speculation about what happened. It’s time to bet on Kalshi about what happened

Two copy editors high-fiving so hard right now

Just had to troubleshoot the computer on my office's water dispenser to get it to fill my glass. Not to sound geriatric, but what are we fucking doing

Dialing into the Costco earnings call with analysts to ask when pizza rolls will go on sale

imagine if you were a vampire that lived for 100s of years but you just had a regular guy's memory. Like a normal person. "What was Venice like in the 14th century" Ahhh, I don't...I don't fucking remember. There was a guy, Vincenzo? Maybe that was the 15th century. Wait, did I live in Venice?

I gotta say, "the Pentagon uses a high powered laser to shoot down a party balloon" feels like enough symbolism for awhile. all full up thanks

the Epstein files are really devastating because they remind me of how many girls and women miss out on professional opportunities, mentorship and careers because of how many powerful, rich and influential men only view girls and women — and interactions with them — through the lens of sex

Found this 2019 classic at the end of a thread about Epstein but it also feels so relevant to the Melania film and endless other applications for our modern-day scourge. Just a real piece of perennial brilliance.

Why, in the year of our lord 2026, are web designers still using pop ups?

Jeb!

new godawful corporate jargon just dropped

One month till we play Loud Minority Fest here in Houston!

Spending my Friday perusing Texas natural gas pipeline informational posting sites to see how concerned they sound. Just fun Houstonian things.

imagine gaming in the ERCOT control room

Playing a pair of shows this weekend. Which town will you see us play in?

The funniest thing about this specific time in history is that right when the divide between the haves and have-nots is the widest it's ever been, rich people shit just completely sucks ass. Look at this thing. I would attend this only under EXTREME duress

My mother, my stepmother, my former mother-in-law and every single one of my aunts are represented on that first slide.

the NYT hates ampersands so much that it's willing to watch the whole world burn

✨NEXT SATURDAY✨

Thank you to @houstonchronicle.com music critic @joeyguerra.bsky.social for including us as #5 in his roundup of favorite Houston albums for 2025! Joey is right, Houston's scene is on a trajectory and "if you're not already, it's time you start listening."

Did a big update to the Album of the Year spreadsheet now that list season is slowing down. The sleepers tab is also now live, but it produced some amusing results this year.

Number 615: cigarettes with electrolytes in them

I believe.

“sleigh bells ring are you listening???” yea can you relax

⚡️Next weekend!⚡️

TIL that on truth social a repost is called a "retruth". That's really hitting the spot for me today, boy howdy.

💥ᴍᴀʀᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴀʟᴇɴᴅᴀʀꜱ💥

TONIGHT

"Teenage Wasteland" is maybe the best two-word phrase in rock history and frickin Pete Townshend had to name the song "Baba O'Riley"

What’s up Texas? 🤠 We play Houston tomorrow and Fort Worth on Sat!

This Friday!

dawg not the steakhouse wedding font

A pass so hard that it crushes diamonds.

the best year for music is whatever year you lost your virginity

Just asked a guy who was dressed up for the office costume contest if he was Jerry Seinfeld in the puffy shirt ep. Turns out he was trying for Jim Morrison. Well, my work is done here

Next up for us: