Someone made a YouTube video using my Instagram posts narrated by an AI voice and I genuinely don’t know how to feel lol They also could’ve chosen better pics lol

One of my favorite setups from the photoshoots I did

Me traveling around in the city that I’ve lived in for 8 years: „where the fuck am I?“

Shoutout to my local cafe that costs more than Starbucks, is labeled on maps as a co working space but has a poster that says “sorry no WiFi. Talk to each other” all while the barista was defending war crimes

I am appalled by the fact that everybody thinks I have an OnlyFans only because I post and behave like I have an OnlyFans and you can literally see my cock when you google my username

I really would appreciate it if the US government would stop discounting my stock portfolio. That’s my retirement/apocalypse fund after all

Unfortunately, whenever I’m near a beach this is me

I have some great nudes but I think this is the hottest I ever looked

Justice for one of my favorite pics of me. That I had to take down from Instagram 📸: @panchoassoluto.bsky.social

I don’t want anybody else using my phone. What if an embarrassing text comes in? Or worse, what if they open the calculator and see that my last calculation was something like 5+8?

2 years ago and I look sooo different. I feel like we all lived 12 lifetimes since then

The days between Christmas and new years truly feel like the liminal spaces of days

Begging the universe to give me one boring day. But here I am trying to talk myself out of starting a production company with my Uber driver.

Twitter about to tumblr to its death

Maybe 8 hours of screen time is too little. I almost had a thought there

I’m starting to fuck up the grammar of vines that I remember. I might actually turn into an adult after all

I loooove shutting up. No wonder I’m so miserable most of the time. I never actually do

Getting “😍” reactions to the stories that don’t actually feature yourself is a hatecrime btw

Nobody prepared us… things… they never stop. (In this case having to accept the new Spotify price until December 31.)

Blasting the first few seconds of Speed Drive on loud so the girl next to me on the bus knows I’m not a threat.

Not sure if I should continue to hang out with my friends. Liking me seems like a major red flag

Me to both of them

Graphic Designers xkcd.com/2598

“This lighting isn’t doing me any favors” something I say whenever there is a light source

Absolutely devastated that soon I’ll be a mid twenties little teenage boy who just graduated 7 years ago and is experiencing the big city for the first time since 6 years and counting. No responsibilities pls I’m just an innocent child with a retirement plan

I'm not saying chiropractors should be illegal, I'm just saying they should have to have cigarette style warning labels in big print on their waiting room walls saying "The guy who invented this says he learned it from a ghost."

Why does everything have to be like this

I sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t share every thought that I ever had. But then I’m like, no I should. This is important context for when I eventually ascend into the next astral plane / live inside the McDonalds dumpster with my squirrel friends.

✨Minimalism✨but it’s actually just being poor

Cleaning my apartment isn’t enough anymore to satisfy that itch. I need to call in an airstrike

I love how they’re recycling everything from the random shit they used for the new sign to the whole idea of the app

Letting everybody pass in front of me to be polite and then judging them as I speed walk past them.

[boiling temperatures, rising sea levels, a deadly virus still running rampant] trans people are the biggest threat to our society

As this barbie awoke one morning from uneasy dreams she found herself transformed in her bed into a gigantic insect.

At this point the alien news is just an “Okay…. And?” story. For one part of the population it’s just not as important as the real problems that we have. And for the other half it’s not a trans person they can harass

From the genius mind that brought you this UI comes: X the App for everything. Messaging, banking, and signing official documents all inside X (but you can only send money to Twixter Blue subscribers that have committed a hate crime)

Hey babe can you check if the air isnt breathable or we have a flash flood warning today? I want to dress for the weather

[speaking to costumer support] “Do you know who the fuck you’re talking to?!”

Not gonna lie. Kinda pissed that not even my multiple personalities are following me on Bluesky

i can’t wait to deadname twitter

“The city is much more pleasant this time of year.“ And with “this time of year” I am referring to since I’ve bought noise canceling headphones

When I was a child nobody prepared me for chatting with the same person on 4 different apps because we send each other tweets, posts, stories, videos, memes, and messages.

*going absolutely batshit insane 😤about the downfall of democracy, 🤬the collapse of our eco systems, a global cyberwar arms race, 🫠actual wars 🤯 and somebody consciously coughs into my face in the bus🤮* “Whoops sorry. My bad to be standing here ”😇

Are there any Queer / LGBTQ creators, jokesters, jesters, general rascals and menaces to society on Bluesky that I should follow? I want my feed filled with jokes and gay stuff that makes me forget that I’m in a minority.

Very excited to announce that I woke up early and will in fact feel a little nauseous for the rest of the day. 𝕱𝖊𝖊𝖑 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖌𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖉! 𝖂𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖊 𝖙𝖗𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖔 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖜 𝖚𝖕!

Choosing a tough profile pic for my Bluesky debut so people know not to fuck with me 😤 because I will instantly delete if I get critiqued even a little 😭