Tired: Married couples taking you to The Eiffel Tower. Wired: Married couples taking you to The Magic Lounge in Andersonville, IL

Anyone else remember this absolute banger?

On the way to Chicago and waiting for this coffee to hit. Side note: any time I’m on an airplane out of uniform I feel like I’m doing something illegal.

Tell me it’s your first time riding the subway without telling me.

Free range cattle ranchers be like

I love frot dogs

Anyone else excited for summer?

Y’all every time a shame wave hits me and I delete my whole media tab

Throwback to stealing everyone’s sunglasses yesterday

I’ve spent the past five years griping over the fact that I can’t enjoy 🍃 due to job-related drug testing. Well, I’m off work for the rest of the month so I hit a friend’s pen last night and fuck it was brutal. Turns out maybe I don’t miss it after all!

Bday sorted

It wouldn’t be my birthday if allergies weren’t fully kicking my ass. So glad 2026 is keeping up the tradition!

Okay so the Phantom of the Opera haunted house experience is honestly incredible. Between the talent of the performers and the ridiculously intricate theming of the spaces they guide you through, it’s just so impressive.

Only because @ahoyawhore.bsky.social and @libertyshortie.bsky.social asked so nicely.

Y’all. The books are disappearing.

Only because @ahoyawhore.bsky.social and @libertyshortie.bsky.social asked so nicely.

Ran into oomf at the gym and he said he missed seeing my cock on here.

One of the best things about group sex situations is that if your jaw tires out mid-BJ you can just give up and someone else will take over. No harm, no foul, no TMJ.

Currently reading Larry Kramer’s “F*ggots” and I don’t mean to be homophobic but I’m kinda bored. There are just too many characters and none get established that well. I’m about a quarter in and tempted to drop it but I fear gay retribution will strike. Does it get more engaging??

Person I talked to for five minutes at a house party just invited me to a clothing optional game night and I decided to smash that accept button because this year we are choosing to agree with people when they say you’re hot enough to be naked in public.

About a month ago I started a project of drastically winnowing down my IG following/followers lists as well as my many grid posts. I shaved off thousands from each list. As of three days ago I’m getting at least 10 follow requests from gay men a day. WHY?!

Not gonna lie, being with my family the past week has been pretty peaceful. I haven’t had much space or privacy to check social media so I have no idea what’s going on and the feeling is lovely. Will I keep this up when I get home tomorrow? Resume hours of doomscrolling? Only time can tell.

Cooking with my new boyfriend.

Suburban dad cosplay this week while I’m visiting the rents, sister, and niece. Baby food is next level these days btw. Puréed chicken with ginger and thyme?? Get them on those farm to table vibes ASAP.

You can tell I’m back on my gym grind because my top artists aren’t on my sleep playlist.

I fear some of you did not get the joke.

My cock looks so angry this morning. Someone should do something about this.

I just archived over 3,000 instagram posts. Painstaking work. Whoever tries to nostalgia trip you into thinking it was better when we posted literally everything to the grid is lying to your face. It was so much worse.

If you and your man are having trouble connecting, all you need to do to fix it is make out with me. 95% of men in open relationships go monogamous within three weeks after one dry humping session. I should start charging!

Hello my pretties

Just sent out invites for my 40th bday lunch that’s happening 2 weeks from now. I made a reservation for 10 and I truly have no idea if I’m going to need to cut that in half or double it.

Current happy fixation: a random DM chat about the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago spun into actual plans for an oomf meetup next month. Who said social media isn't social??

“Project Hail Mary” translates beautifully to the screen. Pretty faithful adaptation too. I think what I’m most grateful for is the use of largely practical effects to create the alien lifeforms and structures. CGI just wouldn’t have had the same heart as puppetry.

One of the greatest things I’ve learned as an adult is that you’re allowed to not finish things. Book not hooking you? Stop reading. Video game boring? Turn it off. Jaw hurting and no audible moans? Pull off that dick, my brother, and get you some ice cream!

Bought season tickets to a local Philly theater about a year ago and I’m supposed to see Romeo and Juliet tonight but I truly don’t think I have it in me. If anyone is in Philly and free at 7 with an interest in Shakespeare, hit me up. No charge.

Just went on a wikipedia rabbit hole and landed on this blast from the past. Was I the only one absolutely addicted to playing Battle Chess on his dad's work computer? Red queen was so insanely caked up.

Whatever

This was just a great adventure to go on. Seeing the film adaptation in two days. Have any of you ever had that quick of a book to movie turnaround before? It’s a first for me.

Had my old mattress hauled away this morning. The pickup service sent me a link to review them and it took everything in me to not type “If you need someone to handle your junk, give this guy a call.” Anyway - if you need someone to handle your junk, give Philthy Junk Removal a call.

Looksmaxxing implies the existence of Looksminning, no?

Just finished playing through “Stray” for the first time. It’s a perfect little dystopian cyberpunk stealth adventure and it’s making me so mad that I’m allergic to cats. 🐈

Worked last week with a brand new hire who kept complaining about the headaches she was getting at altitude. I asked if she was having any sinus congestion due to allergies. She tells me, shamelessly, “oh I’m full blown sick right now.” …guess who has a chest cold now.

Is there anything better than walking into your own home and taking your shoes off?

I’m always saying this

Wrapped up my NYC visit with an especially ridiculous evening of cabaret from the minds and bodies of @johncoons.bsky.social and @showoffjonah.com. Love these two.

Not reading this playbill in solidarity.

A true American tragedy. I’d forgotten exactly how sad this story is - all the sadder for the parallels with our contemporary life.

I’m so glad Encores decided to take this on. It’s such a bleak story that I truly cannot imagine a commercial revival being successful, but the score is fucking riveting and hearing an A-List cast perform it is such a treat. This is what the Encores series was built for.

After roughly 15 months of buzz cut recovery and relapse, my hair is finally back to my trademark look and we are fucking thrilled.

This is the future liberals want