My favorite part about my first Philly apartment, aside from the spacious layout, was the gorgeous windows that turned into mirrors at night.

Screaming

Always a good day when @midwestache.bsky.social comes to town :)

Is anyone else tracking Tyra Banks’s new business venture? She moved to Australia, had her very first glass of wine, and started an ice cream company that just invented “hot ice cream” and I’m so confused. Is she trying to make up for giving everyone eating disorders in the early 2000s?

This is so beautifully demented

Saw Gianmarco Soresi’s set in Philly tonight. He killed as usual but extra killed me specifically because he showed up onstage in what I can only describe as lifeguard drag. My man has been lifting and I be fainting.

This skeet (lol) just sent me back to the glory days of pre-pandemic NY twitter. Parties! Journalism gays with blue check marks! Socialite con-artists! Fuck, we used to be a real country.

It’s always really awkward when a follower decides in their brain that you are friends even though you’ve barely engaged with them directly. If all you’ve given someone in the DMs is silence or one word answers, how do you respond when they start sending off-color memes?

Ugh. Typecasting much?

Was absolutely the oldest person within at least a ten foot perimeter tonight but dear god Addison has put together a great show and it made for a great camera test on my new (16 pro, don’t come for me) phone.

Like they are all such little dingleberries. Sorry you’re too ugly for Hollywood, and too annoying for a normal real world person job, but somehow politics is where you can go and wield power as the most unlikable walking talking wet fart????

Political violence is bad blah blah blah yeah whatever but you know what we all *should* be doing? Bullying and making fun of all these loser politicians in public - like if I saw Mitch McConnell shopping I would just point and laugh and be like hey Mitch why are you buying such a large cucumber???

My old ass is seeing Addison Rae tonight. Send prayers.

The 100% hot rating seems to indicate a bit of delusion that should push the crazy ranking higher but what do I know. Date me?

Oh my god.

I got to the part of “Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth” where you’re basically playing Animal Crossing and I’m embarrassed to say that it’s sucked me in.

Fennel is such an undersung hero

Just had to call out sick from what was most likely my last international trip of the month. Send warm blankets and decongestant plz.

I’ve got a straight guy massage therapist in Philly who I absolutely love and have a great rapport with but sometimes I wish I could rewind back to our first session together. There’s something so hot about the whole will-they-won’t-they with the little cover sheet and I miss that.

I could absolutely afford to be less timid.

Dear friend: Just ask the cute guy you’ve been aimlessly flirting with for years to get a drink. You’re not going to regret it.

Another trap from the vault. #fcf

Democrats: “we must remove tax credits for parents and slash obamacare to appeal to the middle of the country” The middle of the country:

Always makes me a lil misty when I see a gay bestie bday shout-out on IG with photos that go back over a decade. It is so rare and special that a non-family connection stays relevant for that long.

If this was a real country denim shorts like these would be mandatory.

Chopped up some shrooms and put them in the French press with my coffee grounds and I cannot tell you how blissfully wired I feel.

Anyone else absolutely love rushing onto the wrong train and ending up four miles north of your destination before you can course correct?

BRAT tour was amazing

Best one I’ve had in months

Got a last minute invite to go see Japanese House, Blood Orange, and Lorde tonight with @ruraljurorvevo.bsky.social and even though I’m exhausted and delirious, it’s not like I’m gonna say no. I’m really keeping Celsius in business over here.

Oh look! Me and @samjcohn.bsky.social hanging out in another city!

I think Oscar Wilde would get a kick out of how incredibly horny this production is

Here’s another throwback visual of my penis because I desperately need a distraction from the vibes.

Made it to London. Time for a nap.

Need someone to take me cock ring shopping.

God I love reading. “Why is any one book different from any other book? They are different, A.J. decides, because they are. We have to look inside many. We have to believe. We agree to be disappointed sometimes so that we can be exhilarated every now and again.”

I don’t text people that often and I fear that sometimes makes newer friends think I don’t care about them much. Not the case. I’m an over-texter in recovery. This cool and aloof demeanor is, if you’ll believe it, an improvement!

If you buy a pint of ice cream from a local establishment to eat alone in your Florida hotel bed and it tastes awkwardly icy and not nearly creamy enough, it’s legal to put it down. You do not have to finish it. Signed, Bloated and unsatisfied

If you crank the definition and sharpness sliders up, the vascularity goes crazy.

It’s catching on

Life's too short to not show your 🍆 to strangers on the internet.

So apparently H&M has clothes I like again? Wild.

Apple fitness is tracking what now?

As an experiment, I just switched my setting to allow anyone to reply. I’m apprehensive! Be kind!

Might start casually fucking my friends again as a bit. Thoughts?

Thinking about the man I saw yesterday taking a nap outside the Barnes with his pitbull while his two chickens vibed in their shopping cart. Hope they’re all thriving.

No clue what the metrics are for this bot but I’m apparently a small fraction more upbeat than the baseline. Check back next week when I try on a mood ring.

@sentimentbot.bsky.social what are the vibes giving?

Well thank god

Can’t wait to find out how many of you named me in your wills when you get raptured this week! 😃