in memoriams don’t usually include how they died

F--- it. Just give the million dollars to Sol and tell him he can only spend it on vests. #Survivor

Won my #Survivor pool by a whopping 20 points… and I had Rachel as one of my 3 winner picks 🤓

Twitter is extremely creepy these days because 90% of the responses are bots and it’s not exactly clear why. Usually it’s not even political, it’s not selling anything, it’s just bots pretending to be people. The vibe is like boarding a city bus and realizing none of the passengers have faces

I am ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED for Dylan’s crash and burn final week on #GBBO.

I’m glad they’re editing Sue to be as pointlessly bitter as she is. #Survivor

This might be the best Survivor pool anyone has ever had. Apologies to my sister for already winning no matter who is in final 3 😮‍💨

“You better not be soaking wet stunting looks in a vest when I get there” #Survivor Me:

Yoooo that was such a good episode of #Survivor

Trump filling out his cabinet and adding Matt Gaetz as AG:

Yet again, I see that People Magazine is too cowardly to admit who the real Sexiest Man Alive is:

I will outlive both the crusty orange and the musky rat and that is what's gonna keep me going through these trying times

Seriously, if I could stop getting these tiny little colds that would be fuckin fantastic.

Aim for his fat neck next time….

Sometimes I think the thing that will cure me is just a nice Iced Americano

SAG-AFTRA Strike, explained

You can pretty much condense the last decade of tech into these two posts

Most of me is very very very excited to go to Italy in 39 days but the morose and pessimist part of me thinks I am going to get hit by a meteor or scooped up by a giant hawk and that I won’t get to go.

This is what I want in an “Everything App”: - ability to post memes about ITYSL - ability to follow other people who post about ITYSL - ability to see those posts and share them - zip lines - TABLES - a good steering wheel that doesn’t fly off while I driving

I’ve been on MSN messenger, Neopets, Nexopia, Habbo Hotel, Open Diary, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and now I’m here. 🤘