People joke about it, but making out with your friends on the dance floor really did fix me tonight. Being gay is the best

Finally made it back after being sick!

There’s a big story everyone is missing—but this article hits on it. We aren’t just seeing public health dismantled bc we’ve been taken over by conspiracy theorists and lunatics. What we’re really seeing is the giant, predatory, underegulated wellness industry come to Washington.

This is the final boss of bald men you have to fight. This is me returning to the source of all baldness

We did it chat! Baby girl Maisie already has more hair than her guncle Brandon. She perfect and cuter than a bugs ear. And I’ve been told that there’s a lot of compatibility between her Capricorn and my Virgo natures! Welcome to the world baby, sorry it kinda sucks now

MY SISTER HAD HER BABY! A baby girl! Eeeeeeee!

Tugs on collar nervously….

My sister is having her baby today!!!!

Come and follow me and tell me how to make my boobies bigger

I like to think my gay ancestors are looking down on me smiling because they fought for the right for me to scooter back from the stranger things finale in theaters in time to celebrate the ball dropping with my corgi. I’m gonna do my damndest to make 2026 gayer than anyone thought possible! 🫡

New workout today but the most interesting part was using the gyms red light therapy room which is basically just the prison they lock Superman in to remove his powers. All I know is I couldn’t fly after the session 🤷‍♂️

Think before you shop folks. Tired of landfills being full of hippos people no longer want

Got to make the Xmas Eve roast for the family! Turned out extra delicious this year

Oh fuck. Am I slowly becoming a gym guy??

So I did a thing…never even buzzed my head but it felt like the appropriate time for a gay midlife crisis. I’m hanging up my blond bombshell title for full on daddy tease. Now that I’m this aerodynamic it’s over for you hoes 😘

Remember when the vice president killed him? And that was this year??? Too many terrible crazy things happened in 2025

First pull from the new pack they dropped. Come on lucky draw!

DC breaks world record for most couples kissing under mistletoe. That’s right, DC is for kissing the homies. Who looking to break more smooching related records? wtop.com/dc/2025/12/d...

Just got back from seeing the new #killbill cut at the AFI theater and it was amazing! Such a vintage experience with an intermission and one of my all time favorite movies and seeing it in 70mm was incredible. If you have the chance go see Uma Thurman serving up mother before we called it that

Well I did it! I joined the slutty gym app! It is slutty right? Either way, add me!

More snow pics because I am *what?* a 38 yo child. This pic of me and cheddar would make a dope album cover

It’s a winter wonderland! First DC snow of the season!

Dream blunt rotation

So maybe it was the edible, or maybe it’s just that I’m a basic bitch, but having just seen it (I know I’m late) I really liked Wicked: For Good! It was cute and brilliantly acted and visually stunning. Give Cynthia and Ari all the awards there are!

Let’s start an over 30 selfie thread ✨ 38,

Damn. Is it just me or do these Black Friday deals suck? We must be headed for a massive recession real soon

Tina on bobs burgers be like…

Gay people having a music video night

Dropout is like adult sesame street. It uses its colorful cast of characters and their funny peculiarities to teach adults important lessons like trust in your friends, make the unexpected choices, captialism is at the root of a large number of society's woes, mistakes can be the greatest gift

No single president has been responsible for putting more children into poverty, starvation, and unjust incarceration than this man. It’s utterly insane that he is physically capable of saying this sentence while acting the way he does

Not to be a gay millennial, but Robyn

Wait…this is a bop and a half. Mother’s still got the goods!

Ghislaine Maxwell lied about Trump never going to Epstein's house (directly contradicted by her email correspondence with Epstein), and she was rewarded for that lie with a transfer to a cushier prison. The coverup is happening in plain sight.

EVERY MAN ON THIS APP DROP A SELFIE NOW... AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW!!!

Ok the Planet Word museum in DC is a lot of fun! Can’t remember the context for this but I got to be pickle Brandon!

Should I go with 1) yabba dabba dudes 2) get ready for a gay old time 3) bedrock you like a hurricane?

Well hot dog! You all know what day it is! Enjoy yourselves my hallowienies

Speaking as a man who’s 6’ tall (which means I’m actually 5’10”) when a man says he’s 5’10” it means he’s under 5’4”. Stephen miller must be running through peoples legs at the White House

If this isn’t a recession indicator I don’t know what is

I’m rewatching voyager for the plot! The plot- a transporter malfunction makes a new advanced borg drone who’s caked up as hell and looking to ASSimilate, add your biological distinctiveness to his own, and serve as a weapon of ass destruction

Awww! Today’s the 3 year anniversary of one of my favorite (unintentional) bits I’ve ever done! I was the officiant for my sisters wedding and thought I was being SOOO clever hiding my speech in a bible when I read it not realizing I had the Bible turned upside down the whole time. Thats so Brandon

(Don’t speak to) me and my son 🥰

This quote goes through my head every single time I need to the change the batteries on something

Having a decidedly family day at my moms house today with brother, sister, brother in law, sister in law, oldest friend and her husband, 4 kids and 2 dogs that started with brunch and has moved on to decorating the house for Halloween. How freaking cute is this lil guy

Can anyone explain to me how this was approved and carried out during a shutdown? Doesnt Congress have to vote on this??

What exactly does Amazon think a “cop” is?

I just think they’re neat!