I made this daily word game a while back: word-worms.com

Steve talks about Dry January and everyone’s all supportive and encouraging, but as soon as I mention Wet Feb it’s all “that’s gross” and “please stop saying that” and “stay away from my kids.”

Once again weeping that I can never create something as funny as "1 day blinding stew"

Furries

If you see this, post your favorite Pokémon.

Apocalypse At Your Earliest Convenience

Jean Valjean // Jort Valjort

Just put the Bluesky app where the Twitter app used to be on your Home Screen and let muscle memory take over.

Mai Tai

Negroni cocktail alignment chart 🍸🍹🥃

Barrel-aged rum negroni after 10 days. It kinda just tastes like a slightly milder negroni. Gonna keep it in there another week at least. 🥂

I aged some Wray and Nephew for 4 weeks in a new charred oak mini barrel. Just drained it and put the final product in the vintage grenadine bottle after. It got so much color added from the barrel, and it went from super funky unaged to super oaky and spicy. Next up will be a mai tai with it.

back in daiq

back to Mai Tai mode

Flying my Thin Parrothead Line flag at half mast for the next week.

Board Shorts

ACAB includes anyone who flips over when going down that tube slide

lmao

Karaoke, except instead of volunteering and picking the specific song and doing it on stage, the week before you go to karaoke someone just secretly records you singing along to a song when you think nobody’s around and then at the karaoke bar they show the video to everyone.

Obama as a clarified piña colada milk punch: Umm let me be clear

I did everything right and they indicted me (several times)

Back to tiki/rumposting, via a visit to Three Dots and a Dash. - IDLE HANDS (Banana Clarified Barbados & Jamaican Rums, Super Banana Cordial, Lime 2.0) - POBLANO ESCOBAR (Blanco Tequila, Mezcal, Poblano Pepper, Lime, Pineapple)

Pedro Pascal’s Wager

Being rich is not having to stress about getting every last bit of toothpaste out of the tube before you throw it away

*obama being hired in retail* uhhh…let me cashier

i love new twitter

Made a Beachcomber tonight

Me: (sets dishwasher to “heated dry” mode) The Dishwasher: you fool. you absolute imbecile. you really think I’m not going to leave little water puddles on every concave surface? laughable.

if you eat lunch before noon you are either a child or a psychopath, I’m sorry

People on Threads: Wow it’s great! Just a flood of content with no ads or spam! Threads: We only have one feed, you can’t control what content appears in it, and it’s full of brands and celebrities

“You must never feel badly about making mistakes, as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.”

The secret to a life well-posted: Post like nobody's watching, no drafts just hit publish. Repost like nobody’s following, like as if likes aren’t public.

It’s a Wednesday but I’m doing my morning time theft like it’s a Monday, baby

Today I’m wearing a red shirt, blue shorts, and white shoes to represent the flag (of Serbia)

manga is the feminine form of mango

Did a blind tasting of four wildly different lightly aged rums: - St Augustine: disappointingly strong ethanol smell and taste - Probitas: balance of Jamaican funk and Barbados well-roundedness - Clairin Casimir: briny and incredibly notable green olive - Papa’s Pilar: insanely sweet and syrupy

Merchant’s Reserve Mai Tai with an OFTD float to kick off the weekend 🍹

Made a daiquiri with Stade’s Beach Vat #1 rum tonight

The Purge but it’s just white collar crimes like insider trading

Me: Then why would you have that sign? Host at “Bottomless Brunch” restaurant: I explained to you last week that the sign is not about pants, sir

JFK stands for Jesus Fucking Khrist

I made a sushi rice Kingston Negroni

using your popular account to try to get followers for your alt:

Your Honor, I’d like to plead Not Guilty, whenever you get a chance. No rush! Please let me know if you have any questions, thanks!

being able to include line breaks in the Description on your profile page is why Bluesky will win

The Chipotle bag said the chips were “lovingly crafted,” but at first glance I though it said “lovecraftian” and got excited

Them: what’s your favorite kind of bean? Me: