Plot twist: we were all raptured and this is hell

Every day, I pray for a world where everyone is kind and respectful of each other, regardless of gender. May unreasonable attacks against transgender people end🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 May today be filled with happiness and love for you all🤍

To summarize the outage for the non-technical people: Bluesky got raptured. But there was too much talk about horny stuff so it got sent back. Keep posting those spicy things so the site can stay on earth where it belongs

Telling her I have upstream network problems so she understands why I flirt so poorly

Oh I like butts too, I forgot to mention it recently

Good thing bluesky came back because I was gonna post girldick into the void for fun 🫶

Buying a double ended dildo aspirationally

Narrator: later, she did post it. It wasn’t as funny as she thought it was at the time

“Upstream network problems” is what I call it when she’s got a piss fetish “Firehose and other services” is when I’m into it

Sometimes I start looking at fairly inappropriate content on here without liking it because I don’t want anyone to see what I’m doing 🫣

Disney: hey guys, come on back to Disney+ and Hulu! To sweeten the deal, we even raised the prices for ya! Their entire marketing department must be brain dead

call me a fertile plot of land with how much I want to get plowed

hearing about the slang and catchphrases of the youth and having no room to make fun of it due to a tweenhood spent repeating, "i need tp for my bung hole"

Extra virgin olive oil? No thanks. I want that shit slutty as hell

An autism drug you can get over the counter? And it’s a pill? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase.

Every time I take Benadryl, Jerry shows up and starts skeeting nonsense at me

I’m autistic and horny. There’s a train I’m interested in but it’s not the one you think!

Ladies, gentlemen, and enbys, I can report that the virus has moved from causing congestion and sneezing to destroying my intestines. Incidentally, mixing NyQuil and Pepto Bismol works better than ipecac syrup I think. 🧐

I end up liking and sharing so many of the autistic memes because I feel them so strongly. When one of them talks about “socks feeling wrong” or having obsessive interests, it makes me feel less like I’m a weirdo and more like “hey other people are like me, I have a community after all”

If you get raptured right before you cum will you show up in heaven with blue balls or do they like, let you finish up?

I’m autistic. Not because of Tylenol. Not because of vaccines. Not because of some headline. I’m autistic because that’s how my brain works. Stop treating us like a problem. Start listening to us.

Ran across this, cried laughing at the replies, like physically injuring myself from sobbing in hysterics

they should make more teaches of peaches

Just accidentally read “priestesses” as “pisstesses” and I think I probably need to replace my glasses

I’ve heard Fatboy Slim is fucking in heaven

From the makers of I can’t believe it’s not butter comes I don’t think these are medical professionals and I’m pretty sure this isn’t real life

In the future this is how they’ll do phalloplasty…just run wiener.exe

It's all fun and games until a cop handles a Tylenol gelcap with no gloves and within seconds their socks are bothering them.

NyQuil and chill (because I won’t be able to do anything else due to the unconsciousness)

The trick is that I didn’t say “cum” or “mouth” so no one knew what I meant

rapture thighs around my face, girl. i'm ready to meet god

I’m using all my energy to not go home early and overdose on NyQuil so I can breathe normally and then pass out I though you got colds in winter 😡

The Nostromo didn’t need touch screens and flat monitors as much as it needed dehumidifiers and a cat tree

My posting has been a little unhinged and low quality tonight, and I have to admit the truth you guys. It’s because I took some Tylenol.

Tynenol made Charlie’s neck do that

The vehicles in these Fast and the Furious sequels just keep getting stupider

What they don’t tell you is that if you take Tylenol PM, you grow a pussy. You don’t get to pick where, though

Forget autism, the real health crisis is finding out what causes Republicans.

Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?

Just woke up a little while ago shocked that I wasn’t raptured, then heard they’re saying Tylenol causes autism. Aha, so I was raptured into hell.

It turns out ibuprofen causes space madness, but they don’t ever tell you THAT. Thats what happened to HAL

‘We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the Tylenol began to take hold’

Thighs >>>>> breasts This is a post about chicken

The stupidest display of toxic masculinity I’ve seen recently is the assertion that eating boneless chicken is a sign of weakness. 1: that’s really fucking stupid 2: if you have to assert male dominance by ensuring your meat has obstacles, you definitely like sucking dick and dont wanna admit it