I wonder what fresh horrors await me at the office today.

Anyone wanna keep me company while Jason does his overnight sleep study tonight?

Welp.... someone hijacked my steam account. Fingers crossed the recovery ticket goes through.

*Flirts with you by liking your selfies/nudes and never speak to you*

On my commute this morning, I saw a firetruck turn onto the road where my office is and silently hoped the building was on fire.

"the R slur is coming back" not within slapping distance of me it's not

Raise your hand if this job market feels hopeless 🙋‍♂️

Now I just want to take a whiskey water bong rip. Thanks, Allie

Sometimes we'll make boeuf bourguignon for dinner, other nights(tonight) we make Kraft Mac and cheese and Hotdogs. And i love that about us.

Can you have toooooo much miso soup? I hope not.

Man, the digimon movie really was peak. The writing. The animation. The soundtrack.

I was singing too loud on my drive home and gave myself a headache.

Im so glad my horrible stomach pain from last night finally cleared up in time for me to clock into work. I didnt want to enjoy my time off the clock anyway!

In one of those "there are so many things I want to do, but dont have enough time because I have to work 40 hours a week." Kind of moods.

💋🫴 ❤️ and to you

Fuck it, Zordon Mamdani

My biggest Op at work got let go and I can hear the angels singing hallelujah.

I love you so much, friend-shaped creature

Gays be like "I needed this." And its just a bears tummy Tuesday story on Instagram. Its me. Im Gays

Silk robe. Lavender tea. Hydrating mask.

Screw this boy, I've got Tomodachi Life Pedro Pascal falling for me.

Had to shave my chest (for an EKG/cardiac stress test) and we're anmt the VERY. ITCHY. Part of growing it back.

At some point I developed the cuntiest vibrato and you all have to deal with it.

Yall this is not my fuckin week.

Man I could really go for a Funyuns Sour Cream & Onion Funyuns Onion Flavored Ring.®️ right about now.

Today wasn't bad, per se, but it was definitely shifty.

I keep forgetting to take my meds and it kind of just ruins the whole vibe of the weekend.

Anyone have some good subreddits to follow?

The move to Portland is starting to feel real and its not for another 5 months.

Too many Willem dafoes in the world. Where can I find me a willem dafriend 😞

Me, interally: They don't know I'm fighting for my life against this tummyache right now Me at my desk:

YEP.

I need a big daddy bear with a beard thicker than mine to make out with me, stat.

I fear I've love @pbjase.bsky.social to Tomodachi Life.

My friend secured us tickets to Kesha in May and I WILL be crying during Blow.

I reaaally need to pivot out of customer-facing positions.

Chat, how do I subtly let all the men at this mechanic shop know that they could pass me around like a rumor in middle school?

Funerals are weird. Such a sad occasion but brings out a strange beautiful thing of community, family, and love. Farewell Dave. Thanks for being a great Father in Law.

Update: here's us being hot for our concert tonight

Going through some old photos from my Mother in law and it really struck me how much weight ive lost over the past 7 years. The right picture i took tonight Don't get me wrong, I'm hot in both of these. But goddamn I look good now.

Got to tell a coworker the corporate equivalent of "go fuck yourself" today and I've never felt better.

Just watched my MIL write a $13k check for my FILs funeral. Immediately told Jason to just cremate my ass, throw a party at home, toss the urn around like hot potato and have everyone sign me like a yearbook.

Maybe i'll get into making very niche Playlists.

Remember, this is who died for your sins of having stuff up your butt. 😘

Spinosaurus, but pronounced like rhinoceros.

I’ve never seen The Pitt, but according to my feeds it’s about a hot daddy doctor and his sad twink boyfriend

Goooood Morning, Divas. Ive spent the last 3 months yearning and I think im finally over it? Let's celebrate that.

The realest baddies take omeprazole and Tums before going to the club.