Social media should only be accessible from a computer that's plugged into the wall. Your phone should only have texting, calling, a camera, and solitaire on it. I think this would solve a lot of problems.

Am I crazy or is Marco Rubio constantly zooted out of his mind these days? The guy looks like his brain is in a different dimension every time I see a clip of him now.

Tomorrow I have to do a major car repair. And also the new album from The Format comes out. So I'm either going to end up associating that album with an awful time, or a surprisingly successful time.

The thing about Lloyd Doggett is that he says a lot of dumb things but is also a dependable vote in the right direction. I knew yesterday that there was zero chance of him voting for DHS funding even while people called him a Republican on here

Oh man this hits hard. I never met him but I spent a single day working at his ranch and it changed my whole outlook on nature and conservation.

Floss is low-key goated when pho is the vibe

We're gonna need a bigger hell

Costco Design Meeting: "So we'll put the registers right here 👇" "Hmm that leaves nowhere for the customers to line up." "They can bunch up over there 👈" "They won't be able to see the registers though, how will they know when to filter forward?" "We'll yell at them and insult them!" "Perfect"

One of the great things about the future is that "where were you when it happened?" will replace "where were you on 9/11?"

The two states of the kids right now are: 1) being incredibly loud but getting along 2) being a reasonable volume while trying to torment and kill each other

Ah time to spend a few days tinkering in my large commuting machine. Why do I have to have such a machine? To get to work of course. Why do I have to work? To pay for my commuting machine of course.

I really really hate cars and I really really resent the people and systems that created our system of car dependence.

The dentist showing me crown color options: "I recommend this one, it will look natural, not too white." The dentist showing celebrities veneer color options: "I recommend the whitest one. When you smile it should look like the midsole of a brand new pair of Vans slip-ons"

One of the eye opening aspects of parenting is seeing how often people actually encourage their kids to be negative or think in binary terms. Yesterday an adult asked our five year old, "so who are the bad kids in your class" and "is your teacher mean or nice?" Why even ask a little kid this?

The two year olds's super power is that he can take a single chocolate chip and somehow cover 80% of his face in melted chocolate with it

Dead Man's Walk is a great example of how removing your character's agency can diminish a story. Gus and Call make basically one decision in this whole book and the rest of it is them just getting dragged along with a group

Did a late grocery store run. Bumped into a family a few times who had a kid who kept jumping into shelves and stuff. Just throwing his body around into stuff for no reason. The last time I saw them they said his name and, I swear this is real, it was Luka.

Five year olds don't know how good they have it. They can just lay down all the way inside of a bath tub! I'm lucky if 60% of my body is underwater in a tub.

There's already countless ways to do this exact thing! We solved this issue decades ago! My car's make and model is logged in every system and it tells me what parts fit my car. Amazon, Walmart, Discount Tire, eBay, etc all do this! AND SO DOES THE EMPLOYEE AT THE TIRE SHOP!!!!

I went ahead and cursed my children this morning with Tom's Diner. Enjoy hearing that melody in the back of your head for the rest of your lives kids!

I haven't watched The Pitt yet but I did dig a deep splinter out of my kid's hand last night

I bought a clearance Whitney Houston shirt last summer and tbh I have to thoughtful about when/where I wear it because so many people will come up and compliment it

How do we free grandparents from the stranglehold that the toy industry has on them?

I thought the Stranger Things finale was fine. The show basically had the same issues after season one and only season four kind of mitigated them.

I should be able to bookmark my spot in DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ albums

Been listening to so much Short Porch so far in 2026

I'm wearing shorts and there's a sunflower taller than me about to bloom in the yard. It's.....January?

A thread of kids books that we've liked so far:

Do you think that Bob Schneider knows that all of his songs on Spotify have a terrible AI video running on the canvas? Apparently this would be something his team uploaded...

I thought this was a really good episode of two people putting words to concepts that we probably all innately know somewhere deep in our brain folds

Absolutely. Tacos of Texas has been holding this line for a decade now. This isn't some reactive fact, it's just the truth; immigration is good. And the people who immigrate are typically paragons of American values! kutkutx.studio/tacos-of-tex...

You should utilize the power levels on the microwave

First day back to school and the FBI is watching our school because somebody threatened it online

Does Trae Young still do that thing where he stops suddenly to get people to run into him from behind?

Obviously this is obscured by having an account that nobody sees, but I think this site is the least toxic social media? It's just very easy so far for me to avoid or ignore people I don't like on here.

Well this is kind of awkward. I'm caught between the moon and New York City but for the life of me I cannot remember what's the best I can do.

72 minutes is the ideal kids movie runtime

The older kid won't change his mind for anyone or anything, while the younger kid changes his mind every other second. And so I begin the process of teaching them to fuse like Picolo and Kami

My whole life, advocating war has been fed to me as “the adult position,” akin to drinking your coffee black or reading the business section of the newspaper. Let’s be very clear — war is the childish nonsense of impulsive destructive idiots playing baby-brained video games with real human lives.

No matter how much hate you have in your heart for the United States and the imperialist regime that has ruled here for so long, the capitalism that demands empire, it is not too much. It is not enough. Even if you are choking on pitch-black bile, they deserve more bile

people talk about stealing resources but this is about the wounded masculinity of Americans and the desire to feel powerful by hurting, conquering, killing, taking, this is about Americans understanding ourselves as masters of the world and lashing out in rage at a world that won't just submit

If you feel tempted to use Venezuelan politics to advance your own political agenda whilst being completely clueless about it, you are as also a part of the problem. Americans, please leave the rest of the world alone, ffs.

if you are talking today about how bad maduro was and were alive, at all, during the run-up to the iraq war you are potentially the dumbest person to ever live

Another day of relating more and more to the guy who just stands around with a "repent" sign

Me: *reading the clearly marked acetaminophen bottle three times before taking some to make sure it's what I think it is* Random Grandma on the news: "so I found these candies labeled MAXXX HIGH GUMMIES THC WEED and gave the grandbaby oh I don't know...fifteen of them or something."

This year I'll be hanging it up y'all. That's right. I'm retiring. From my career. My career of buying tickets to professional wrestling live events and wearing a particular shirt in view of the hard cam. You don't have to call me a hero, but I would.