How it feels to be free

I need a nose job but to have a big old honker installed I crave air

Ominous tarot interpretations as a public service

Ya-haha! You found me!

When I go get my tea I wanna wear the crab classics

The existence of this video was just brought to my attention. Immediately in my personal criterion collection and a solid candidate for when I wrest control of the TV at… well I guess we’re not supposed to talk about it.

What if I got under a blanket on the couch? Little* goblet of red wine? Murder She Wrote episode I’ve seen ten times on the television? Who could even touch me?

Philly is about to be home (again) to the world’s largest video game. But only (again) for one day. Here’s more from one of its organizers, Technical_ly’s @christopherwink.bsky.social!

Hello good evening it’s neck zit season it’s always neck zit season

Never fails to put some wind in my sails during a lift

GOOD MORNTING

Photos are in from the intimate March wedding and I am tickled by this one in particular. Baby brother is all growed up 🥲

Had to dig out and charge up an older phone for something and took a brief stroll down memory lane via the photo album. Covid isolation was one helluva thing.

Respected law firm Klmno & Pqrst

Spotted these handsome friends enjoying a luncheon in a parking lot a couple of days ago

The first rule about the pec deck at my gym which has exactly one (1) pec deck is that it is actually mine get the fuck off of it

I think it was Gandhi who once said “It’s not always enough to have incredibly fat balls, but man does it help”

While I’m bummed I won’t be able to do this one in a normal way, there’s a decent chance I get to hunt the first few minutes on one continent and the final few minutes on another. Would be neat to catch a shiny in two different countries from the same Community Day event.

In another life I was a glassblower in Vermont with chickens and a compost pile

Porter Martone is my daughter

A hockey player with his nose all fucked up? Fucked up and bloody?? Kissing booth. IMMEDIATELY.

I want a lamp of the Kool-Aid man but, like, a classy one

I need someone to take a rolling pin to my hammies

I love when luxury gyms have a knock-off CrossFit program named something harsh yet motivational like “BLAST” or “SCORCH” or “FLOOD HIS GUTS” I just know the ladies in that class are killing it

My husband is mean-mugging crying toddlers in passing by strollers at the airport. “She knows when she has lost,” he says to me after staring one into horrified silence.

We’re just gonna talk about dong all summer so

It’s shorts season now so I let everything out the bottom of one leg to silence the critics and the haters

Some uncut guys will whip it out and it looks just exactly like this

I believe it was Sheryl Crow in 2002 who lauded the benefits of soaking up the sun and I am following in her footsteps here today

I’ve heard it said that poop is just weakness leaving the body and I guess I feasted on the weak yesterday

Celine Dion waited on my table tonight I don’t know what else to tell you

Spotted a baby hummingbird this morning in Scottsdale, Arizona

If this Lyft hits one more bump I’m gonna need someone to get me a towel

I have acquired a loaf of bread

Lycopene? I love it! Dohohohoho

Barely remember the dream but: - workshopping the setlist for a “lip sync” performance which uses the downstairs set of lips - throwing a local politician out of my home for door-to-door campaigning for a pet ballot initiative - bunk beds - bisexual mustachioed twenty something smooching me

FUCK YEAH ITS OUR BOY

So @rockfact1181.bsky.social and I have been talking about doing a Dynasty Warriors weekend for so long I should’ve known he’d pull something like what I found when I hit the guest bed at 2 AM

WTB vaginal honmoon rejuvenation, honpoon rejuvenation if you will

RIP Zhuge Liang you would have loved to thworp

Marcy fell in with the wrong crowd and the next thing you know she was doing creatine

Honestly I’m still shocked that Binyah Binyah Pollywog was not hunted for its meat.

The dodo is *just now* extinct

First NHL game on the books and we lucked into a fuckin’ banger

So my boy Crunchwrap found a forever home and now miss Coco Loco is working the eyes goddamn

Question for guys who hit the punching bag at the gym: how do you know when the fight is over? Is it a number of hits thing, a length of time thing, or do you just really start to feel sorry for the bag? If I boxed I would be the third one that is when I would probably stop.

If you’re wondering what’s on my mind (a ponderance against which I would recommend strongly), it’s just that specific part of “The King and I” where they’re putting on their rendition of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” and the Thai chorus chants “RUN ELIZA! RUN FROM SIMON!”

Most mornings I roll out of bed, fire piss in all directions, make a protein shake and set myself to the tasks of the day. But today I decided I needed a red bean matcha with strawberry milk and birthday cake foam (it is not my birthday).

Also do other guys not take out their balls when they piss? Just the snake? That’s wild to me. You gotta air out the twins.