A man of my age should not be getting this many zits when does puberty end

Lads lads lads

Alexa, tell Siri to play “The Mariner’s Revenge” by The Decemberists.

I think I’m going back to the well for Halloween this year. This was too much fun to wear last time around.

Yeah?!

Just absolutely fucked up a bowl of instant ramen. Just fucked it on up good.

When dudes say they contain multitudes, this is what they mean

Husband spotted this pigeon on the street in front of our house this morning, badly injured but alive. I rushed her to the first wildlife place that confirmed they would take her, but once I got there I found that she’d passed on the journey. Rest in peace, my little crumb bum.

“You look like Mac from It’s Always Sunny! I’m sure you get that a TON.” Thank you, intoxicated heterosexual woman two seats down from me at the bar tonight. You don’t know what you’ve done for me.

I am prepared to declare the Mega Starmie design an abomination unless it’s caked up to high hell when seen from behind. Can anyone confirm?

And now, it is time.

Fresh pasta Sundays are back (so back) after a very long hiatus.

HOW I LONG TO HUG YOU WITH MY NEW HUGE MUSCLES.

‘Til death do us part! Glad we finally got around to this.

Someone remind me tomorrow that I had beets tonight

Getting a couple tattoos as the long rainy weekend settles in 🫦

Time to fire up some Vinny P

We need a high budget cinema spectacular about a pack of gay werewolves that just fuck a ton

Casting very powerful spells. Taking requests.

I think I want to learn to make hand-pulled noodles.

Mount Rainier is such a stud

Returning to Philly but Biang Biang Noodles in Seattle has made its mark on me

The announcers just mentioned Cal Raleigh’s nickname and this queer dive bar let out such a horny roar

Tiger cup secured.

YEAH

What I wouldn’t give to put jungle juice and crazy straws in any of these.

My friend took a pretty good photo of me

My kinda pal

Guy on the train yesterday I guess listened in to my entire conversation then told me he thinks I’m really funny right before his stop, and this morning a young woman pointed at me as I was walking by and yelled “You’re just so THICK and I LOVE IT!” What are you buttering me up for, Seattle?

Oh we are in DANGER

October is when I begin to shine

I have styled my name for the spooky season, yes

Yet again we are here.

If your plans don’t involve breasting boobily do not invite me

Jinkx was great, but my cap goes off to the founder.

Threw on my husband’s briefs this morning to get coffee from the kitchen without flashing the neighbors. Haven’t worn briefs in over a decade and was pleasantly surprised by the fit on the body I’m in now.

Sometimes I wonder if my body’s constant craving for salt is because I am the sweatiest person alive or if it’s because I’m just a horrid and disgusting goblin.

I could fuck up an entire pizza right now.

I am completely blown away by how the website for my preferred line of workout clothing somehow telegraphs “we maybe did Jan sixth” but also “dudes give each other tug jobs all the time and nobody makes a big fucking deal of it” so successfully.

I’m certain that all you need to do to sell almost any product to a straight man is describe it as “tactical”

Completely tapped into this for my last few sets of a great leg day. Feel like I’m walking home with some tree trunks down there.

Yeah to be honest, I kept the key to my uncle’s hideout in the Pyrenees. Can you imagine me throwing it away to keep his secret safe? In *this* economy?

My lil’ Fall Risk

You might think you’re hydrating adequately, but let me tell you something. This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world.

It’s so nice of Pokémon to give Mistress Isabelle Brooks a mega evolution

Look if you’re gonna build a new building in this city you’d better put some gargoyles on that thing. Just, fuckin’, garg it up. Tell them I said so.

As I continue to sift through what are apparently the wrong bins in looking for my Halloween decorations, I’ve found these postcards. In my twenties I was broke as fuck, and when my friends would travel the world, I’d ask them to send me postcards wherever they went. They were kind enough to do it.

Unpacked a bin I’d been meaning to get to since moving into the new house. Found my grandfather’s hat from when he served in the navy in WWII. “Addie” is written inside, short for “Adeline”, which was my grandmother’s name.

Hi I’m Ron. If you get into a teacup with me, you will puke.