“A hundred years to a steadfast heart are but a day” - Maleficent

A snowstorm hit the night of our first date back in Boston; a good storm always takes us back.

Trying to convince my husband not to sing “Simply The Best” by Tina Turner but in his vocal impression of Greta Gremlin here at this bar and I am not winning

Flakes falling in Philly. Fuck yeah, bring it on!

Who among us has not chipped a tooth while going for gold* * I should not have tried to swig Bailey’s from a handle that St. Patrick’s Day in 2011

Titfucker! Give your balls a tug.

I’m the sweatiest man on earth, generally. But especially today.

She refuses to get out of bed for less than 10,000 dollars a day

Asked the woman who runs the wine place: who emerges victorious when Meg Ryan and Melanie Griffith meet at Ragnarök. She couldn’t decide right away. Watch this space for updates.

Massage my forearms while I tell you a tale from my days on the sea

“La vie en Bros” by Edith Piaf

I’d make a cool Caesar because I’d just be like “dick and balls for the people of Rome”

Can’t get the fall apart scene from “Boy and the Heron” out of my head every time I hear “House” off the Wuthering Heights album

Starting to think the first floor Roomba is absolutely into feet

We’re not spending enough time talking about Saturn leaving Pisces and entering Aries and/or the beginning of the year of the fire horse. We need umami broths and hand-drawn noodle. We need to adorn ourselves with symbols of our intention; we need to CONVENE.

I had a dream about the rise of the machines. They were devastating but as a disappointment. They redid the “Happy Birthday” song and their version just sucked, but people adopted it anyhow, even the misspelling and resulting mispronunciation of “hu-mon”.

When will my daughter return from war

I find myself saying “Babe no that’s crazy you know how much I love turning off the gas stove correctly why would you even think that” more than I expected to this week.

I am allowed a spoonful of mayonnaise as a treat

Bringing buffalo chicken dip to the Super Bowl party so I can eat buffalo chicken dip at the Super Bowl party.

Someone just took a video recording of me walking home from the gym because I’m wearing shorts. What? Like you’ve never seen a crazy person before?

If other people are comfortable with heart palpitations I can, I guess, appreciate the notion of different strokes for different folks there. But my main curiosity around guys pounding a Monster or Red Bull at the gym: how the hell are you dealing with the carbonation? I’d be burping nonstop.

The rule is that they can stay in the rotation until my entire nutsack can escape out the bottom and this pair is fighting for its goddamned life

Having this space to myself for once means I can pecdance to the beat of my music without feeling like a dickhead

Dragged myself to lift on a Friday night after a taxing eleven hour workday. Universe coddling me with some light snow as a treat that I get to walk through on my way and messages from friends.

I grew up doing the Highlights hidden objects puzzle not knowing it was training me to be immediately repulsed by AI slop

We, as a society, need to do something about my feet

Me: “I should get the shiny for this absurd carry.” Game: “Honestly? Yeah.”

It dawned on me recently that a LOT of Pokémon is just throwing rocks. Trouble with a flying dragon? Throw a rock at it. Sentient ice cream? Rock. Giant moth emitting flame? Rock. Evolving your Eevees? Rocks. Looking to subdue an enraged shadow raid boss? There’s a rock for that.

Sleet has arrived. Time to get a bit dramatic.

Any time I notice the slightest bit of strength progress in the mirror this year in my head I say “Ooooh Creatina Turner you’re simply the bessst” but in this specific tone

I’ve loved “Sue Me” since Sabrina Carpenter released it in fucking 2018 and I just found out that it’s “that’s my shape, I made the shadow” and not “that’s my chain, I made the shackles” and I like what my ears thought they heard way, way more.

We’ve hit the part of the year where I’m so deprived of vitamin D that my skin completely revolts. Chest and neck zit season in full swing.

“There Are No Cats In America” (Thunderpuss Remix)

Raining on my island. Strictly come ‘canthing. KYXHP the more the merrier I’m just doing laundry

Switch code is SW-0813-3292-3815 if anyone wants to add me there. If you have a spare Nice Painting in ACNH I will offer favors of the flesh for it at this point. (Had to repost because I made a typo in the code the first time through — thanks for the heads up, @vravl.bsky.social!)

It wasn’t a ton of snow to work with, but my nephews managed to scrounge up a few snowballs with which to pelt me, and were taught the ways of making a snowman.

Daisy Mae wipe that fucking nose before you try to sell me any produce challenge

Huge snowflakes falling outside, and my Nook Miles ticket brought me to an island where there’s a thunderstorm. It looks like *I’ve* got the best of both worlds.

GYM IS A SNOWGLOBE AND IM RATCHETING UP THE WEIGHT ON EVERY SINGLE LIFT WITH EASE SATURDAY UNFUCKWITHABLE

Gym can wait a little. The sharkin’ is good this morning.

Gonna just vibe and hunt bugs and fish in Animal Crossing tonight. Opened the island up, Celeste is here, it’s southern hemisphere. Code is 1D4XQ if anyone wants to drop by.

Baby broccolini and wild mushrooms over spaghetti in a white wine garlic sauce.

I’d forgotten how fucking fun catching sharks is

Chest/back day so good I’m deploying the Vivacious runway walk on my way home

459 bells per turnip on my first check back in over a year who wants to come over

Well, I forgot that I have at least one of my island residents referring to me as “Beer Can”

While ACNH was an all-consuming thing for me from the onset of COVID into, really, 2024, the new content didn’t really excite me. I was, and am, hoping for a fully new game. That said, my island is a monument to mania and seeing a few folks I enjoy on here getting back into it tempts me to join.

Skimbleshanks, the railway cat The cat of the railway train

Pokémon Go to Hell