My latest on Substack! substack.com/@carolemontg...

Hey Erie (PA)! Mark your calendar (11/20-22) Funny Women of a Certain Age will be appearing at Kellar's Magic & Comedy Club! I'll be sharing the stage with @carolemontgomery.bsky.social and Missy Hall! Here you go! See you there! kellarsmagic.com/tc-events/fu... #JoyisResistance

I love when people tell me not to be political. Are you fucking kidding me?? I'm a woman, I was political the moment I was born.

Hey Hudson Valley! Join Funny Women of a Certain Age this Saturday at the Paramount Theatre in Middletown NY!

JUST ANNOUNCED! Get ready to LAUGH with Funny Women of a Certain Age at the BNH Stage on January 18th!!! Featuring Creator Carole Montgomery, Leighann Lord and Liz Glazer!!! Tickets go ON SALE FRIDAY at NOON! https://www.ccanh.com/show/25000521

What regular people or as we in the biz say "civilians" don't get is that thousands of people work behind the scenes of the shows live or televised including Broadway. Some of them are even his supporters. It's not just the "star" you're hurting. His widdle ego just lost jobs for his voters

Blue Skyers in New Hampshire we're coming to the Flying Monkey in Plymouth.

When feminism came around in the 70’s guys didn’t mind it. Free love and bra burning yes please! Equal rights? Fugeddaboutit.

Looks like the Democratic Governors are doing what Congress should be doing. ABOUT FUCKING TIME!

When you reach "a certain age" comfy becomes a huge part of your vocabulary.

My husband just told me that when I first feel hungry I do not have to eat right away. I think any judge will acquit me.

Men think they run everything. But if it wasn’t for women they wouldn’t be able to find anything.

His base won’t care that he’s named in the files. The fact that he’s trying to hide it means it’s something REALLY BAD.

This is how you do it. youtu.be/TwOLo_U6bTw?...

The world's on fire, come see some really funny comedy!

Every time I do household chores I think it's not that hard. Billionaires should try it once in a while. Might give them some perspective. Who AM I kidding, they're greedy, lazy SOB's.

I finally can be a Presidential speech writer!!

The speech was longer than it takes him to cum.

I'm just waiting for RFK, Jr to join the feud.

Wednesday Wisdom

Next up my second solo show in Las Vegas. Tickets at falloutfringe.org

I love being on Dean’s show. And this crew was lit!!🔥

Every morning when I wake up.

This Saturday if you're in town, come to Astoria! Only 5 bux.

Hey Long Island, a rare appearance just by me! brokerage.govs.com/events/107416

You never realize what you’ve done until you get to talk about it. zeam.com/publishers/8...

I’ve found the secret to losing weight! Become old. Then you can’t eat past six anymore because it’ll keep u awake all night with heartburn.

I guess bankrupting a country will be his seventh one.

For the right: “Woke” is the new hippie.

Which one do you want to go prison first? Bondi, Patel or Hegseth?

Looking to develop a solo show?? Hit me up!

Be the type of friend that when someone calls at 3 AM and say “Quick I need a shovel” You show up with one AND garbage bags.

If regular women add access to the glam squad a celebrity has, we'd look great all the time too. Me? I like pizza too much.

Instead of the Grand Old Party, just change it to Grifters' Old Party.

I like this interview because comedy IS an art form. www.hollywoodsoapbox.com/interview-ca... Come see us in Easton, PA at the State Theatre!!

Hegseth has tattoos AND has committed crimes. Send him to El Salvador ASAP.

I adopted a senior dog so we could be incontinent together.

When young women are mean to me because of my age, I reply: “I don’t bleed monthly anymore. I WIN”

This is something we can all do.👇🏼 File a complaint with the FL and DC Bar to have Pam Bondi disbarred for not complying with the 9-0 Supreme Court ruling to return Mr. Garcia from El Salvador.

I’d rather live in the world where Bernie shows up at Coachella. More please.

These baby reveal parties are getting out of control. Pretty soon they’ll have parties to watch you conceive…..oh wait that’s called porn.

Great interview with my gals @juliascotti1.bsky.social and @leighannlord.bsky.social We're in the Traverse City Comedy Festival this weekend. Come see us. youtu.be/0Ejt1Dv8k38?...

There are two parents in every family. The mom and the person who watches mom do EVERYTHING.

I'm almost at 10K followers which is great.....I just would love more interaction on here.

Nice to know the money I put into my IRA for tax purposes is gone before it cleared my bank.

Look on the bright side. When it all goes to shit we can all go live on a commune. (Commune=camps)

If you think I’m going anywhere….guess again.

Great, thanks to the tariffs, my $6 Temu sneakers are now $4000.

My body thinks it’s still a Russian peasant so it’s holding onto my fat for reserves like it’s walking across Europe. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Ya know, all of this could have been prevented if they had just let him hang out with the cool kids at Elaine's.