Aunt Julia says... When you're feeling low and down in the dumps, go down to the dumps and see what living there would be like.

It's an old and obvious pattern. An unpopular president - failing on the economy and losing his grip on power at home - decides to launch a war for regime change abroad. The American people don’t want to “run” a foreign country while our leaders fail to improve life in this one.

America...I am doing what I always do in times of turmoil and crisis. I'm making meatballs.

Remember that, kids…. The Marilyn Monroe Doctrines….are important doctrines. Maybe the most important doctrines.

So, when can Maduro expect his pardon?

Just finished watching Rob Reiner’s production of “The American President.” I needed this.

Arthur Miller's most famous work had several working titles among them were... 1. Sprained ankle of a Salesman 2. Bad Breath of a Salesman 3. Roman a' Clef of a Salesman 4. Sidney Neff is a Salesman 5. Tone Deaf was the Salesman. I am finished.

An ad for someone called Master Lu says that If I do his tai chi, I will be unrecognizable by New Year's. Haven't I had enough issues with identity?

Look within. I recently abandoned the idea of teaching a "MASTER CLASS" online when I realized I'm not that good at anything.

Zelensky heard to privately complain about the breakfast buffet at Mar-a-Lago. "You call this an omelet?"

There's something about seeing a herd of deer in a snowfall that makes me want to paint the scene on plates and convince people to buy them for $29.95 as a limited collectible.

Release the Rockford Files!

When did "sleeping late" come to mean getting up at 6:30 am?

Tomorrow is the winter solstice. So put on your best pagan outfit and start chanting OOGAH BOOGAH! OOGAH BOOGAH! repeatedly out in front of your house at 9:02 am.

So far it looks like the only ones not in the files are Pinky Lee and Clifford the Big Red Dog.

So, now that he's taken over, when is the Kennedy Center going to offer nude pole dancing classes?

Wine! Comedy! Perfect!

I'm old enough to remember when Captain Kangaroo was just a Lieutenant.

Man, somebody got a B12 shot before going on the air.

I miss the days when we used to laugh about Dumb Stuff like Covfefe.

You know those videos where the guy plays guitar and all the wild animals come and nuzzle him? Yeah, don't try that with a set of drums . Trust me on this.

Made up story of the day. I made this up. It's just a joke. Don't take it seriously. The White House announced today that in addition to confiscating Venezuelan tankers and blowing boats out of the water, it will now begin to confiscate all Nobel Peace Prizes won by Venezuelans.

So, he seized a Venezuelan oil tanker. Honestly? I did not have that on my "crazy shit he's gonna do today" card.

If he really wants regime change, can he start with changing his?

I'm not violent by nature, but I enjoyed the crap out of Popeye beating the snot out of Bluto.

Dick Van Dyke celebrates his 100th birthday on December 13th. Celebrate with him by going to a local bowling alley and dancing the “Twizzle!”

Explain to me how I can remember the lyrics to the “12 days of Christmas,” but not where I put my phone.

I look horrible when I wake up. This morning my facial ID asked for more information.

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and may your holidays be filled with love and regularity.

What if Ringo was known for wearing cowboy chaps instead of rings. Would he have been known as Chapo?

This just arrived in today’s mail. It’s from a local funeral home. Someone needs to talk to their marketing department.

I can't help thinking that "Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.

I hope my $2,000 Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.

If I had been around when Marie Antoinettes said, “Let them eat cake,” I would have risen up defiantly and screamed, “I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”

Low ticket Availability Alert!

So, He wasn't invited to Cheney's funeral. Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.

This Saturday!!! Tickets? Tickets? Who's got the tickets? We do! Not too many left. Get yours today! www.act2.org

Is the Lame Duck “Quacking Up?” I’ll see myself out.

Dick Van Dyke Show fans. I just realized that the name of fictional late night talk show host Stevie Parsons, was a combination of Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson.

Things to do on Sunday morning. 1. Sleep late 2. Stay in your pajamas all day 3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST! www.act2.org

So il Nonno Pazzo has withdrawn his support of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Wait...does that mean she's on our side now? And if so, how long before this LSD leaves my system?

We're in the height of deer rutting season. At least 3 times a day I see an antlered buck chasing a doe through my yard. Last week I saw two bucks fighting. I couldn't help myself. I opened the window and yelled, "Hey, do you two bucks need change?" I'll show myself out.

Only 8 more days! Did you get your tickets yet? Score some at www.act2.org

9 days till the big show. Right? 9 days? Are we counting today? Because if we aren't then it's 8 days. Does it really matter? If you have your tickets, your worries are over! Well get your tickets if you haven't done so. www.act2.org

Not this time, Kim.

13 days till the show! Have you gotten your tickets? www.act2.org

NOVEMBER 20TH JUST ADDED! HAMMONTON, NJ! 7pm Sharrot Winery 370 S. Harbor Road, Hammonton, NJ

I'm a product of an old-school Catholic grammar school education, or as we like to refer to it, "The Guilted Age."

Today would have been one of my wedding anniversaries. The blessing of old age is that I can't remember which marriage.