When it rains my. Joints hurt. Threw my back out. When I burped. Left my ibuprofen by the stairs Great now how can I get down there? SAY IT AINT SO I CANNOT NO SOMEONE PLEASE GO GET ME MY PHONE TURN THE LIGHTS OFF LET ME PASS ALONE

Hey I’m the woman doing that data analysis on Charlie Kirk and his hate speech. The first article from that is out now. open.substack.com/pub/eveywint...

Just in time for Pride. A lot of y’all are about to find out some stuff about your kids. Now’s a good time to prepare yourself for that convo. open.substack.com/pub/eveywint...

Ok I guess I’ll just freeze without my socks because that’s too cute.

I don’t support for profit medicine but I have to tell you i really think pharmaceutical companies are sleeping on “he is risen” as a coupon code for ED meds.

You know what’s cooler than ICE? Protecting your neighbors against being kidnapped by them.

All I’m saying is The Powerpuff girls are made from sugar, spice, and everything nice plus some random ass chemical X and nobody tells them they’re not allowed to use the ladies bathroom. They’re biologically a sentient breakfast cereal but SURE act like I’m the problem.

If there’s one thing that’ll turn me into an absolute bitch in the internet, it’s people being both pedantic with me **and** vapidly wrong

Starting a pot shop and pottery business. I’m calling it 420GlazeIt

Everything Trump touches turns to crap. He’s got a real Mierdas touch.

A lot of y’all are like “actually they’re only women if they’re born in the woman region of France. Otherwise they’re just sparkling targets,” and it’s super disappointing.

Is Midol gender affirming care? In this essay I will explore why man-flu would be less of an issue if men would stop being little bitches about it and use the pink pain pills.

People are like “you are a professional writer, you’re so smart” and I’m afraid to tell them that the only way I can remember the difference between heroin and heroine is that the extra e is for estrogen but they both make me weak in the knees.

Guys like crypto because they desperately need the thrill of something going down on them when they least expect it.

Another reminder not to misuse this information *cough*

Canadians, please read. This report on election interference will be shared tomorrow.

Formation of an oxbow lake

I’m right here if anyone wants to try to dispute the reality of this with me. I ain’t no centrist. We can chat about it.

New email for government workers to rat out their vulnerable coworkers just dropped. Once again I have to remind you all not to misuse this information by flooding these emails with false data.

Please keep in mind that this first week or two of the Trump presidency was supposed to be a barrage of horrific policies to promote terror and fear. His administration won’t be able to sustain this level of activity. Many of his actions will be tied up in courts for months or years.

There is one redeeming quality to being trans right now. All the 90s and early 2000s fashion I never got to wear is suddenly coming back into style. I’m gonna need my Tripp jeans back. You know who you are.

Even more news about what’s happening inside the government

Update on emails the government has set up for employees to rat out defectors in the government You should absolutely not, under any circumstances, use this information to clutter these inboxes with false or misleading information. @altnps.bsky.social more info for you.

We are, as a society, collectively failing on Neil Gaiman’s victims and all victims. I’m on some meds to chill me out right now, but feel free to discuss amongst yourselves. I hope you take something away from the worst things that can happen to people.

Baby are you made from MSG? Cause you got me saying OOMOMMY

Merry Chrysalis Eve to all my beautiful butterflies who are about to blossom into a new year. Yes. That means you.

Babe you’re like a fine wine. You’ve got legs. Follow me for more creative ways to flirtatiously point out the obvious.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day it’s thumping away… under your floor boards slowly driving you to madness

Happy soul cyst to those who celebrate

I just really wish I could go back to 2009 and dress up in a fancy Jedi robe and ominously tell the Republican voters that one day they will cheer as an unelected immigrant from Africa shuts down the US Government, forever demonstrating that “land of the free” was a price tag — not an aspiration.

Successfully got multiple addicted to LP’s new album. Life is good.

Last Christmas, a hallmark film in which a small town man and a big city lady are hiding in the same bunker during the apocalypse and they learn about the true meaning of Christmas just in time to use up the last of their supplies as the final light goes out Hallmark, call me.

Fell asleep with my cat on my chest and I woke up to a bunch of folks arguing on one of my posts and I just gotta say… I think I’m gonna like it here

A very well written piece !

Scrolling on the internet the last few days…

@eveywinters.bsky.social has some cogent thoughts about the killing of the UnitedHealthcare CEO. They're worth reading.

What a brave new world we live in just a few days after the assassination of a CEO. It’s always tough to wrangle with the lines between justice, murder, and ethics but we owe it to ourselves to try.

I think we could also reframe the assassination in terms of power. This isn’t necessarily joy at death, so much as joy at empowerment. 1/x

I think they heard the message that denying people health care isn’t something you should want to put your name on

I don’t mean to keep harping about this but it has dawned on me that most of the country considers the assassin a hero or anti-hero at this point. Normally the message is “oh this was a bad thing by we are angry” and all I see from America on all sides is, “thank you sir may we have another?”

lol LibsOfTiktok got banned here already

This morning the United Health CEO was shot dead in the streets. I have nothing to say about him other than that he was the head of a uniquely predatory business in a uniquely predatory industry.