New standup album called JEHOVAH'S THICCNESS about growing up JW, it gets pretty vulgar and dark further into it though - www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Nno...

New standup album called JEHOVAH'S THICCNESS about growing up JW, it gets pretty vulgar and dark further into it though - www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Nno...

Presave on spotify here! distrokid.com/hyperfollow/...

Mini standup album on youtube, www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLIG...

"Nobody cares what Jack White thinks, so here's a whole article about it" then they name me in it for some reason

I made a little fart noise at a lady walking out of the liquor store wearing a Trump hat, and the cashier subtly flashed me a thumbs up

Happy 4th of July! A reminder that the differences between the GOP and the DNC as political parties are the difference between authoritarianism and democracy. daveweasel.substack.com/p/both-sides...

Zohran Mamdani is so effective, Republicans think he’s a sleeper agent sent here to destroy your landlord's feelings daveweasel.substack.com/p/they-want-...

What do you think the world would look like if we woke up and everyone could read each other's minds? daveweasel.substack.com/p/if-we-coul...

Is your president throwing a military parade for himself on his birthday? If you've answered YES to any of these questions, your leader may be an aspiring dictator! daveweasel.substack.com/p/how-to-kno...

If Jesus walked into the deportation raids in LA right now, the only thing faster than the Christian Facebook moms posting “thoughts and prayers” for the masked agents would be the taser-gun lighting up Jesus’ butt like a Christmas tree on his birthday daveweasel.substack.com/p/ice-ice-ph...

The Trump/Musk breakup was always coming. Elon’s pissy he didn’t get what he paid for, which proves the real problem is that political influence is up for sale in the first place. daveweasel.substack.com/p/the-billio...

The "straight pride parade" isn’t late, it never needed to be scheduled. daveweasel.substack.com/p/no-straigh...

Shiloh Hendrix turned public racism into a $750,000 payday by exploiting America’s performative outrage and deeply buried hate. daveweasel.substack.com/p/jesus-take...

Poor drug addicts go to prison; rich ketamine fiends get a seat at the policy table in the Oval Office daveweasel.substack.com/p/adderall-f...

My first Substack post open.substack.com/pub/daveweas...

Our cover of Maxwell Murder by Rancid is live on all streaming platforms! What do you think, did we butcher one of the best bass solos in punk music? Youtube: youtube.com/watch?v=BOTJ... Spotify: open.spotify.com/track/39JQDE...

Oh no he watched the Elon Musk video

That’s 800,000 people who were conned out of $2,500 each, and not only are they gonna vote for him AGAIN, but they’re gonna be like, “Bro, Trump’s next Fartcoin? This one’s for real this time”

Next up, Hugo Boss will design the uniforms and to save on embroidery costs DOGE will have the Secret Service stitched as SS

Everyone knows you do the most amount of personal growth between 25 and 25 and a half

Ted Cruz set the standard for selling out your wife to MAGA and JD over here is trying to franchise it

Whiskey makes you call your ex at 3am. Cocaine makes you want to start a business with her

JD Vance looks like a guy who has an emotional affair with his AI assistant

They should put his face on a confederate statue instead

If he makes it too expensive for Americans to survive here, the immigrants will deport themselves. CHESS NOT CHECKERS

7 year anniversary of this tweet on the old place. Kept it to hammer this chud later in his replies. Thanks for the memories @daveweasel.bsky.social

Our cover of The Simpsons Theme is live on all music streaming platforms.. with a special guest at the end! (my 6 year old daughter) Spotify: t.ly/aoTB8 YouTube: t.ly/kejrD

Fleetwood PAC

The Anthem CEO knows how to read a room

I'm liking this less terrifying corner of the internet so far. You can also find me at: New standup album on Spotify: spotf.fi/7txiq28 Podcast: apple.co/valleyboys Instagram: instagram.com/daveweasel

Defcon 5(th step)