You know what this means? It's those London eels, they've moved upstream and are dealing to the shrimp. Who is next?!

Hot water bottles are fucking brilliant.

How I feel when someone blocks me

I've just seen a family try to become famous and their whole shtick is their daughter was born without eyes. She's one and all the posts since she's been born are of her, full face and talking about how awful it is. The worst thing is she seems like a delightfully happy wee thing. Horrible.

My friend liked the get well chocolates I sent her

When I was young I used to pretend I was in Coronation Street to get me and my friends into VIP areas of clubs/restaurants. This was usually in Manchester but it also once worked in Amsterdam.

Coal miner. And not sure, I know.he fitted the bombs on aeroplanes in ww2 and when he lived in America in the 30s he was a gardener. I think maybe he was a mechanic. He died in 1972 so years before I was born.

One of my brothers left the family WhatsApp group and the vibes within the group have improved by a billion percent 💀

I accidently stumbled into some wild conspiracy shite. The first line of this floored me 'as an iridogist, I am concerned by the level of bullshit people believe' except for when you're making money of it eh babe? Fucking hell.

I mean I'm from Wigan and couldn't wait to leave but I'd rather live there than in a desert built on slavery for the purpose of materialism and bling.

Working in social care I've had multiple years with no rise in pay. If I do get one it's always under 2%. Because I'm employed for a charity there's always the element of it being vocational & not about pay. And we are told the injuries/danger element is just part of the role of supporting people.

Fitness influencers trying to hawk mince and rice as a new thing when every poor person ate this as a child. Sometimes we had mushrooms instead of mince, if feeling flush, both!

I'm updating autism/ disability resources. 29% of autistic people are in employment compared to 85% of NTs (UK). But disabled people are more likely than non-disabled people to participate in civic participation/ social action. In England (03/24) 183733 are on a waiting list for an autism diagnosis

I always wanted Wave of Mutilation played at my funeral and now with water cremations being a thing I think it'll be rather fitting. Thanks, Science. THAIENCE.

Bet we'll have to call this Person Drink rather than Person Milk because the dairy lobby can't be normal. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

First time using my upcoming job title 😬 And comrades, fear not, it's for a charity so please shoot me last ✌️

I'm the youngest of four, with 3 older brothers. Girls rule, boys drool (I still believe this as an adult).

New celebrity weight loss trick just dropped

First attempt and cherry and bran muffins went well

I agree, you're a very small homophobic and racist man.

My favourite part of doing through Wigan is being reminded that uncle Joe's mint balls keep me all aglow

Well it feels very on brand that yesterday we finally had a little positive news and today WW3 is about to break out.

Fixed it.

It's 8 years since we lost the legend that was my Dad. Please enjoy a selection of photos. He liked a good lean.

I can't believe I didn't get an invite to the woke progressive/Islam coalition party 😭

Is a fancy compact pill carrier a thoughtful or really weird mother's day present? For context she has to carry pills and usually she puts them in a tissue.

CW: Grief, Parent. It's 8 years tomorrow since my Dad died. Just after we passed we all sat around him and played this song. It took a few attempts not to cry whilst singing this so apologies for the ropey vocals.

Just found this in one of my chord books from when I was a teenager. It was photocopied in my school in 1997 💀

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today so I'm off work and Clarence is being my little buddy.

In the song Rocket Man, did his wife pack his bags pre-flight because she was kicking him out or because even cis male astronauts can't be trusted to pack for themselves?

Word has finally properly got out (or it's sinking in) that I'm leaving my job and I'm getting some very funny messages all along the lines of 'so pleased for you, also don't leave'.

This is excellent - I was getting frustrated at good intentioned people calling tourettes/coprolalia a mental health condition when it is a complex mix of motor disorder/neurodevelopmental.

one thing that's fascinating about coprolalia is the interplay between neurology, psychology, language & sociology. i think something like a muscle spasm is so much easier to understand than an impulse that is both involuntary & involves understanding a word in sociolinguistic context

"Find a job you love and you'll never a work a day in your life. Join the Navy."

If you say 'I'm gonna get you' to Clarence, this is what he does 😭

Spring

Your outdated music references are making Russia's greatest love machine sad (and horny probably)

Curry time

My Mum is 77, she has a smart phone, smart watch, laptop, smart TV. She's showed all her fellow residents were she lives how to get an Uber. She does most of her shopping online, she's done her banking online for years. I wish she'd turn off her damn notifications though.

For all you haters

I'm going to go and eat a juicy conference pear and you can all go to hell 🤘

Eileen Gu is an incredible woman isn't she.

The mix of watching The Producers over the weekend and a sudden positive change to the weather has me singing Springtime for Hitler. Good job I'm working from home.

Labour supporters shitting themselves over late 19th c/early 20th c housing in NW England. Do they also get confused by the Scottish tenements with their high ceilings, wooden floors and cornicing? Are all of us secretly middle-class? I'll ask the mice....

The lad has levelled up.

Clarence has been so sun deprived he keeps going to the window, laying in the sun, overheating, lying stretched out on the floor and then coming back. Poor thing.

This generally didn't happen in high-school from what I can remember but: - Trainspotting in year 10 drama - Schindler's List in year 9 history - Cry Freedom in Year 8 Religious Education All three were part of the lessons though.

New in Parisian high fashion - le manteau spiv