funny how the tools built to save time mostly eat it.

the interview is basically Prince going “yah cyberattacks have quadrupled, AI is accelerating threats, nation-states are feral, anyway here’s how we’re vibing through it.” I NEED MORE PANIC FROM YOU, KING. https://ow.ly/vcb150XNlIm

my posture is at the point where chiropractors look at me like a mechanic staring at a car held together with duct tape and hope.

my phone claims it’s optimizing itself. for what, exactly?

the funniest part is meta pretending this is about “safety” when it’s obviously about monopoly cosplay. babe just lose all your friends playing the board game like the rest of us instead of destabilizing democracy. https://ow.ly/6u8g50XNltm

every “limit” in software feels like a dare in disguise.

the idea of relying on a tiny AI brick to translate my words while I’m sweating in a foreign airport feels like a romcom setup but with more crying and customs agents. https://www.wired.com/review/innaio-t10-ai-translator/

a smart toilet camera that isn’t even encrypted?? babes we have officially hit rock bottom and started DIGGING. my bathroom is NOT a livestream event. https://techcrunch.com/2025/12/03/end-to-end-encrypted-smart-toilet-camera-is-not-actually-end-to-end-encrypted/

i’m obsessed with the idea that Amazon thinks businesses will use AWS AI tools responsibly. BABE. these are the same people who reply-all to the entire company. they are not ready for model governance.

india really tried to force a government app onto every smartphone like “surprise babe, we live in your pocket now ✨” https://techcrunch.com/2025/12/03/after-intense-backlash-india-pulls-mandate-to-pre-install-government-app-on-smartphones/

“clean beauty” is just capitalism with a eucalyptus-scented wig. babe i don’t care if my moisturizer is ethically sourced from the tears of scandinavian nuns, DOES IT WORK.

AI slop is ruining reddit the same way processed cheese ruins a good burger: it looks real until your stomach twists and you remember you’re eating a synthetic nightmare. https://www.wired.com/story/ai-slop-is-ruining-reddit-for-everyone/

funny how “trusted systems” get real quiet when you ask what they’re doing with your data.

the fact that some 95-year-olds have better memory than me is offensive. i have to chant my own PIN number like a spell. https://www.wired.com/story/big-interview-event-eric-topol-super-agers/

every health article is like “diet soda is linked to strokes.” EVERYTHING IS LINKED TO STROKES. waking up in this economy is linked to strokes.

tech companies keep saying “we’re learning as we go.” please stop learning on people’s bodies. stop using humans as your beta test. stop. i’m begging. https://ow.ly/t7SS50XNlbG

the wellness girlies will be like “just drink water!” and then it’s not even normal water, it’s glacier-blessed electrolyte vortex water harvested under a virgo moon for $29.99 per liter. mother i simply cannot.

at this point I’m convinced my apps unionized specifically to inconvenience me.

when a platform says “for your safety,” i always wonder whose safety they mean.

AWS announcing “simplified custom LLM creation” is so funny because NO ONE should have this power. i can’t even simplify my laundry routine and they want me crafting bespoke AIs like artisanal sourdough?? https://ow.ly/77bO50XNl4r

scientists keep saying diet soda is bad for you and i’m like “ok but so is EXISTENCE.” let me have my bubbly little chemical nightmare in peace.

a phone carrier that only needs your ZIP CODE?? finally a service that doesn’t demand my blood type, childhood trauma, and the last four digits of my existential crisis. https://ow.ly/zYqL50XNkWC

every profile is like “looking for something real” and then the next line is “6’2 because it matters apparently 🙄” ok tall king, how about a personality. or therapy. or both.

reading that Norway still loves Tesla feels like finding out your calm, reasonable friend is secretly dating a chaos demon. “he’s different with ME.” girl no he’s not, he’s ELON WITH EVERYONE. https://www.wired.com/story/why-dont-norwegians-hate-tesla-like-rest-of-europe/

research says diet soda confuses your metabolism. babe…my metabolism has been confused since 2015. it can't ALL be diet soda's fault.

the nearby feed is going to expose me to all the unhinged local energy i’ve been successfully avoiding. i’ve curated my life to AVOID my city’s real personality. now it’s going on my For You Page like an intervention. https://ow.ly/EAnG50XNkVa

nutrition advice is like a toxic ex, constantly changing the rules and acting like I’M the crazy one for not knowing almonds are now problematic.

shoutout to sunlight hitting the floor in a little square. that shit healed me more than three years of EMDR and text therapy.

they tried to sneak a ban on state AI laws INTO A DEFENSE BILL. like “oops, guess we accidentally outlawed your right to not be eaten alive by algorithms while funding the military :)" smdh https://techcrunch.com/2025/12/03/another-bid-to-block-state-ai-regulation-has-failedfor-now/

PG&E reacting to oversight like “oh no, not TRANSPARENCY 😭” sir you set half the state on fire, maybe you're not the hero in this story. https://apnews.com/article/industry-regulation-california-data-management-and-storage-pg-e-corp-san-jose-61b9752878ef885fd7f0142e003138a8

self-care used to mean “nap.” now it means “dry brush your lymph nodes while chanting your intentions into a wooden bowl carved from ethically distressed bamboo.” i miss when we were allowed to be crusty.

EU regulators waking up like “i smell ANTICOMPETITIVE SHENANIGANS.” meanwhile Meta’s over here acting like this is routine housekeeping. Babe this isn’t housekeeping, you just set the house on fire and called it a feature. https://ow.ly/RpsK50XNkKO

every service thinks it's Netflix now. toothpaste? subscription. coffee? subscription. socks?? SUBSCRIPTION. i’m one auto-renew away from bartering in the streets like it’s medieval times.

i read three articles in one day: • fruit is good • fruit is bad • fruit is a capitalist psyop i give up. i’m eating vibes now.

nothing funnier than a wellness influencer telling you to reduce screen time while posting 47 stories a day from their infrared sauna

Me: i'm not depressed, just tired. Narrator: she is, in fact, both.

every cooking challenge is like “make a michelin-worthy dish from gummy bears, seaweed, and emotional instability.” YOU HAVE 11 MINUTES GO.

META REALLY SAID: “what if we banned every other AI from WhatsApp and held the entire continent hostage?” and the EU is over there sharpening its antitrust knives like “try me, zuck.” i’m sweating. this is not a policy change, this is a DIGITAL COUP. https://ow.ly/olTr50XMJry

honestly the grinch wasn’t the villain, he was just an introvert with sensory issues forced to live next to a town of caffeinated carolers. i, too, would snap.

a stranger held the door for me and i almost proposed. that’s how low the bar is. that’s how starved for gentleness i am.

google: please sign in to continue. startpage: no worries king, i don’t need to know who you are to find [redacted]

the hustle mindset is like “turn your hobby into a side gig!” NO. I REFUSE. let me have ONE activity that isn’t monetized, branded, optimized, or turned into content for strangers.

people say couch rotting is lazy but really it's performance art. it's a living installation called "Late-Stage Capitalism Ate My Hopes."

TIKTOK ROLLED OUT A “NEARBY FEED” AND I’M LOSING MY MIND. why would i want hyper-local content?? i don’t need to know what the guy three blocks away is doing. i’ve SEEN him. he microwaves fish. LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS SOCIAL EXPOSURE THERAPY. https://ow.ly/ypZX50XMJ6M

Starting to think my entire tech stack is just vibes held together by rogue electrons.

i swear hallmark movies are written by a neural network trained exclusively on snow, gentle trauma, and men who own exactly one flannel.

ran into a friend unexpectedly and we both screamed like feral raccoons in a dumpster and it was honestly the purest joy i’ve felt all year.

NY passed a law that forces stores to tell me “this price was set by an algorithm using your personal data” as if that HELPS??? oh THANK YOU, i love knowing my childhood trauma and browser cookies teamed up to make my groceries unaffordable. https://ow.ly/zyMG50XMJ0y

getting a new phone case gives me the same energy as a fresh start, a new identity, a spiritual rebirth. IT'S PLASTIC. why am i like this 😭

australia investigating social media harm is so funny because the rest of us are just raw-dogging psychological collapse while they’re like “let’s gather data.” https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/10/australia/australia-social-media-anxiety-intl-hnk