Y’all wanna congregate in a soccer stadium this summer?

Which is why it’s $4 per gallon

Cardinals take two of three from the Mets.

Everyday after fifty is a realization that your final day is a stone's throw away.

Hey, badass conservatives in giant pickup trucks. Just let us know when you're being tread on.

I just write ads for a living. And I'm old. I'll go back to double spacing after periods before I use AI.

At least he tried.

Was on my way into the downtown DMV when I remembered they had metal detectors set up in there. So I hid my pricey pocket knife in a bush across the street and picked it up after I was through and I felt like Jason Bourne.

yes give me alcolo, the only adult beverage made from alcohol

Hey guys the Cardinals beat the Mets

My favorite Christopher Walken line.

My refund arrived the same day I discovered a hole in my roof.

Well I guess the "Don't Tread On Me" Guys will have something to say about this.

I have never missed a fairway or putt.

The Super Clown is a guest in our house and he had the nerve to make tacky renovations without our consent.

I'm telling you, the stupid ballroom is, hilariously and perfectly, the hill he'll die on. It means more to him than anything, and the more his "We're tough, regular Americans" base has to pretend it is deeply concerned about "a huge, magnificent ballroom," the funnier this is all going to get.

ALL I'M DOING IS SPRUCING UP!!!

This is giving Tom Brady: "Instead of spending time with my kids, check out my performative fatherhood"

Was at the movies this weekend and a trailer for He-Man came on and everyone groaned. Is there any doubt that He-Man is going to bankrupt the movie studio that gave it the green light?

After the White House complained about an unflattering photo of Karoline Leavitt, it was removed from AFP and Getty’s systems. This is the photo in question. Please do not repost it. 👇

You have to be a friend to have friends.

Can't read this because I don't have a subscription. But I wonder if one of the thoughts is how "stalky" Jake Taylor was and how that seemed to be acceptable behavior back in the 80s.

Need to figure out who’s eating Fritos and drinking Diet Dr. Pepper in my office.

There was some sort of Barbie Fair where people paid up to $495 a ticket for but it was so embarrassingly chintzy that everyone who bought tickets got their money back. Grizzlies season ticket owners should get their money back.

Trump believes the children he raped were fortunate to be blessed by his presence. He also believes this about America and his Presidency. Because he is a fucking lunatic. Who has started a war. And has the nuke codes. And the #GOP knows he's a lunatic and they do nothing. #RemoveTrump

Memphis has its problems as a city, but it has: 1. A bass pro shop that is also the 10th largest pyramid in the world 2. A hotel that conducts a daily duck parade. 3. A solid argument for having the best bbq in the world (there are maybe 4 or 5 other cities that you can also make this for)

"We are the party of the blue-collar worker. And who is more of a blue-collar worker than billionaires?" - GOP

The way they perform Christianity is disgusting and dangerous.

Hard to believe V For Vendetta is 21 years old. It's eerily on point today, down to the ICE-like curfew thugs and the government obsession with gays. In 2005 I thought it was ridiculous.

The number one defense I hear from boomers is that Super Clown is too old to do sex crimes now.

And we know everything about Hinkley. I can't even remember the name of Super Clown's

Meanwhile Morant is never back

Did anyone at CPAC mention this ballroom? Strange none of his supporters seem enthusiastic about it.

I did not know about this kind of insidious pricing. Thank you for highlighting it!

I would urge folks like this to simply go ahead and overthrow the capitalist order. Maybe square away some time on the weekend and establish worldwide socialism. We’re rooting for you!

This site has been super heavy on pets dying lately.

Cardinals win two in a row.

They should ask Super Clown to hand sign every $1 bill so he can’t do anything else the next three years.

Why is the Michigan coach in uniform?

They decided character doesn’t matter and that policies do. Then they decided policies don’t matter either.

Either there is a squirrel in my attic, or a little girl who makes you see the most horrible moment in your life before eating your soul.

For a pro golfer, he sure can't drive.

My wife and I summited St. Helens in 2019. For us it was a cathartic experience because were old enough to remember the calamity of the 1980 eruption. Everyone else on the mountain was years younger and seemed to think it was just something to do on a Saturday morning.

How do I know I'm in my 50s? Going downtown to a fun concert tonight and all I can think about is where I'm going to park.

These people love imposing misery on others so much, they forgot who they were imposing it on.

So many characters and plot lines from Super Clown's first term are missing in this one. The Big Beautiful Wall? Gone. Giuliani? Nowhere to be found. Ivanka? Never heard of her. North Korea? Doesn't exist.

Back in 1998 I rode a bus from Little Rock to Minneapolis and back. It was hell on wheels. And yet, the experience was not that more hellish than a plane ride is now.

Just occurred to me that one of the reasons Super Clown's cabinet members seem so eager to shower him with credit is so that when the hammer comes down, they can pin their lawless actions on the President (who thanks to the Supreme Court is above the law).

Nothing I resent more than lunchtime meetings. It's a power move. If I scheduled a lunchtime meeting with my overlords, none would accept.

Like heaven, conservatives view our country as a country club.