Merry Christmas from my now completed Floridian crab dinner.

Don't forget, if you're stuck for a last minute Christmas present, my next book is a terrible choice because it doesn't come out until February.

Here is the most shameful thing I have ever written... ferguscraig.substack.com/p/the-most-s...

The British actor and comedian’s I’m Not the Only Murderer in My Retirement Home (Berkley, Jan.) finds a geriatric serial killer accused of a fresh slaying.

Don't use Spotify so I don't have Wrapped, but if I did it would be all The War On Drugs I've got into an insane situation where I can only write while listening to them. Have now written four books and a few scripts while listening all day, every day to the same band. Mad.

So much of modern life doesn’t seem to be working, but the fact that most ads on podcasts are 30 or 60 seconds long, and podcast apps have a +30s button, is a beautiful piece of symmetry.

Is it Cyber Monday? I've only had 600 emails.

Shit. Just eaten all my son's advent calendar chocolates. Shops are sold out. Shit! Panicked, replaced them with scrambled eggs and superglued each door closed again. Shit! Shit!

Can you hear that? It’s the groundswell of excitement brewing for I’m Not The Only Murderer In My Retirement Home.

If there's a patriarchy, then how come spelling bee accepts both 'mama' and 'mamma' but no spelling of 'dadda'?

My book has received ‘starred’ reviews in Kirkus and Publishers Weekly in the US. I’m told this is quite a big deal. Preorder now!

I’m not saying this is what I want to happen, but it does rather make the case that in order to improve British healthcare, we need British politicians to get all the major diseases.

So many England fans happy for Scotland qualifying in such a fantastically dramatic way. Nice to return the favour for the delight they must have felt for us when Beckham scored that free kick against Greece.

Now, it’s highly possible that tomorrow I read the two chapters I wrote today and decide they’re rubbish, but I sure as shit enjoyed writing them. One of those nights where I am enormously grateful to be (currently) making a living writing books.

Breaking News: I've just been told that if you're in the UK and you'd like the chance to read my book I'm Not The Only Murderer In My Retirement Home early, you can now request a NetGalley (a way of getting books early and for free, which I don't fully understand). Link below...

I still think the best Traitors season was the Australian series 2 which everyone else seemed to think was a disaster. Incredible, incredible television.

Always amazed by people who have watch parties for their favourite TV shows. If I was ever forced to attend one, it would be remembered for me shouting ‘CAN EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE?’

I have, perhaps unwisely, written about London... ferguscraig.substack.com/p/london-is-...

The Boybands Forever and Girlbands Forever documentaries are brilliant but it is a tragedy that, owing to their mixed gender nature, there is no place for Steps.

If I was on the Traitors, every roundtable would be about the fact I refuse to go on the missions because I want to stay and play snooker.

How is Britain supposed to survive now with only Prince William, Prince George, Prince Louis, Prince Harry, Prince Archie, Prince Edward, Prince James, Prince Richard, Prince Edward (Duke of Kent) and Prince Michael of Kent? That's only ten princes!

Two glasses of wine at lunch. This book I'm writing is about to make some wild left turns.

Big night. Trying a new dish at the Indian takeaway. Could be a new beginning or it could all end in tears. Wish me luck.

Sunday nights have been shit ever since Lovejoy stopped.

The Sunday Times gave a brief but nice mention to my story in Jeeves Again. I’ll take that as a win.

!!!

I feel like, in my childhood, men and boys used to spit in the street more than they do now.

The Riyadh Comedy Festival is so commercial now. Accommodation, flyering and PR costs are insane. And yet, if you want to be seen by producers, you have to go. And now, people like me, who’ve been doing it for years can’t sell tickets because big acts are turning up.

Absolutely loved this, it resonated on so many levels. Although I think I was a bit more snobbish about my precious Oasis suddenly being loved by the jocks who had despised nerdy Indie kid Bobbins as much as I despised them.

I went to watch Oasis last night and now I've written about it... ferguscraig.substack.com/p/in-defence...

Wordle's running out of words.

I honestly think I induced myself into a sort of breakdown when I was writing that section.

I asked my son what he thought ‘appreciate the little things’ meant and he said ‘don’t be mean to people who are smaller than you’.

I knew the deep state would find something to distract us.

This is one of the all time nights for people posting stupid shit on the internet.

@ferguscraig.bsky.social - my friend Ash isn’t on Bluesky but asked me to pass on the message that the Dyson she won works brilliantly and “It's everything that the VAX wishes it could be”. Thanks again! And what a night, indeed!

Quite the read...

I've been meaning to write about me, my family and murder for decades and have finally plucked up the courage... open.substack.com/pub/ferguscr...

Lifetimes in a few short, well written paragraphs. This resonated, for different reasons. My dad knew he'd passed his 11-plus but was still forced to attend a secondary modern. Why? His parents and extended family were all very active in the co-op/trade union movement and 'not the right class'.

"When my dad was a baby, his sixteen-year-old uncle was convicted of murdering a police officer. The case is famous because although Christopher Craig held the gun, it was Derek Bentley, his nineteen-year-old friend who hung for the crime."

I've been meaning to write about me, my family and murder for decades and have finally plucked up the courage... open.substack.com/pub/ferguscr...

England world cup qualifiers are a lot better if you approach them like something you're not expecting to enjoy. Just imagine you're going to see your friend's friend in a play.

It won't be for most of you, if you don't like the first five minutes you won't like the rest, but I thought this from Elephant Graveyard was superb... www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewvR...

Yo. If you're a Barnes & Noble member and you preorder 'I'm Not The Only Murderer In My Retirement Home' this week and use the code PREORDER25 then you get a big discount. (I used the word 'yo' there to appeal to my American audience) www.barnesandnoble.com/w/im-not-the...

Americans! My lovely US publishers have arranged a Goodreads Giveaway for you to get the chance to win a very early copy of my next book, I'm Not The Only Murderer In My Retirement Home... www.goodreads.com/giveaway/sho...

There’s a woman in this bar walking up to every table, asking if they like drum and bass, and telling them about the night downstairs. She literally skipped me.

Not saying too much of my brain is taken up by 90s football but I just tried Ekoku on spelling bee.

My next book cover changed again, by the way. Basically, the Australian and New Zealand publishers said that they liked the UK cover but they also liked the colours on the American cover and then we decided that we agreed, so now this is also the UK cover.

Day 527 of walking from London to New Zealand... www.youtube.com/watch?v=gryf...