Do you think you have the idea for the next big tv show? @justinstangel.bsky.social & I are teaching a workshop presented by the New York Comedy Festival called “How To Craft The Perfect TV Pitch.” 11/12 7:30pm Rodney’s in NYC Tix available here! Spread the word! nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/how-t...

I just found out that I’m not being asked back to the new season of Saturday Night Live, which is particularly hurtful since I never worked there to begin with

My insiders at The Vatican tell me a new Pope has been chosen. Media, please credit me when reporting this story.

We lost an hour last night and I honestly have no idea if it's due to Daylight Saving Time or those bastards at DOGE

Can’t wait to stay up for The George Michael Sports Machine so I can see highlights of tonight’s Super Bowl

Seriously what are we doing

Super Bowl this year will feature the Chiefs and the Eagles. Just remember I called it months ago!!!

Well, it sounds like he learned his lesson

I’m predicting it now. He’s going to try to claim ownership of the moon. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. Bookmark this because it’s happening.

“Sorry kids. No gifts this year. We lost all of our savings in that Hawk Tuah Meme Coin. You understand.”

You can’t tell me this isn’t a drone

Question of the day: This one’s for film fans. What’s your favorite Squeakquel?

Fun fact I just learned: Weird Al’s song “Eat It” actually came out first

Thanksgiving game- name the best and worst person at your family dinner. Go!

Having a big Black Friday sale on my @OnlyFans (feet only!!) page!! Come now and save!!

The economy is so bad, this year at thanksgiving instead of turkey, Doug will be forced to serve oven roasted Limu Emu

How’s everyone doing? Or should I just go fuck myself??

Since it was discovered so close to Thanksgiving, Macy's had the old timey policeman balloon bring the perp downtown

Ok, I’m here. Now what???