Not even trying

From the photo it looks like it tested positive for being delicious

Hold up. Muppets have bones? And organs?

Ok friends. @Justin_Stangel & I are running a workshop on How To Craft The Perfect TV Pitch at the Vermont Comedy Festival on 12/7 open to all comics accepted to the fest. They are taking submissions til 9/15. So sign up, do your act & come hang with us! www.vermontcomedyfestival.com/submit

Ok friends. @Justin_Stangel & I are running a workshop on How To Craft The Perfect TV Pitch at the Vermont Comedy Festival on 12/7 open to all comics accepted to the fest. They are taking submissions til 9/15. So sign up, do your act & come hang with us! www.vermontcomedyfestival.com/submit

I just realized at 4:51 pm that today is wednesday

Marty is a starting 1st grade? So this means Stop & Shop has hired a child to roam and clean up the store??

In one word, describe your state of mind right now. I’ll go first- Yeesh

Just heard Travis and Taylor are engaged. If you don’t see me around here much it’s because I have one hell of a bachelor party to plan.

Worst superhero origin story ever

IT’S AUGUST 12TH!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING???

IT’S AUGUST 12TH!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING???

The Switch Witch swapped out all my medication for raisins

Excellent craftsmanship

If I had this, you wouldn’t see me not wearing it

Da hell is this?

What’s the catch?

Maybe they should consider going nuts for spellcheck

It’s July 11th motherfuckers

I just fucked up some Babybel cheese.

I was at the game where both of these things happened

You better believe I am doing the full Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders choreography in my car right now

We bombed Iran all the way back to March

Well Iran, I hope you learned your lesson. Your nuclear program is now like three months behind. #checkmate

Only $1,000?? What’s the catch???

This

What’s the catch?

If a video says “Watch til the end!” I think if something doesn’t actually happen at the end the poster should be subject to a $250,000 fine.

Knicks in 9

Knicks in 9

This shit is useless

Worst song parody ever

The new Pope is American. And it’s… Kevin James? (Cue Hall & Oates “You Make My Dreams”)

My favorite tradition is when they show the montage of Jets fans booing the previous Pope picks

I’m told the new Pope only agreed to terms after the Vatican promised to surround him with the supporting cast of Randall Cobb and Allen Lazard

And the new Pope is… “La La Land!”

I broke this story

My insiders at The Vatican tell me a new Pope has been chosen. Media, please credit me when reporting this story.

Here we go. Mel Kiper Jr about to go nuts again about how no one knows what they’re doing

What are we doing

I don’t have a photo because I was driving, but shout out to Westchester County for writing on the electronic sign on the Hutchinson River Parkway “Han Says Solo Down”

May the 3rd be with you!

I will be joining Zipp, Zopp and Rita in the afternoon on 107.5 The Clam to talk sports. Join me!

Personal Update: My daughter set my radio in my car so that anytime Gordon Lightfoot is on- on any channel, I get an alert

This is excellent journalism

If things continue like this the U.S. may have to become Canada’s 11th province.

If things continue like this the U.S. may have to become Canada’s 11th province.

Good news! Someone just called me and said I was being drafted by the Atlanta Falcons!

The good news is according to the email I just got he is offering instant delivery on Cameo

Can’t help bit hear this in the Parker Posey “Piper No!” voice