I am one thousand years old.

Grilled Italian chicken tonight with zucchini and potatoes. Didn’t have a drink tonight which means I can have a beer tonight!

All I wanted was three post lunch Oreos but everybody in the house ate them all.

Less than 12 hours until I’m in bed. I’m too tired today, I’m not in it to win it, I’m dragging ass, I’m down for the count etc etc etc

Monday, again. Eat a good breakfast Drink an extra cup of coffee Cross 5 things off your to do list Tackle two of tomorrow’s tasks Be productive. Let’s limp through today.

I really want to have a beer tonight and sit outside but I’m doing a 3 hour drive, a 4 hour baby shower, and then another 3 hour ride back and doing that is awful enough to stop me.

It’s Friday. Clock out early Make everything next weeks problem. We made it.

I’m on the war path today. Move it and lose it.

Clicked on a suspicious link from 6’s school 🙃

This headache is taking me out. Woke up with it, had some water, had some coffee, ate some breakfast, took some Tylenol, and it’s still here. If this is going to stay all day, I might as well take a half day and take a nap.

Oh shit I have to update my budget, refill/pick up two prescriptions, put away laundry, and pick up a baby shower card today.

Good morning, Thursday. Make your bed Open the windows Eat a good breakfast Play some good music Throw in a load of laundry Dominate your inbox Act your wage One more day, one more day!

Lmfao

It’s Wednesday, you guys. Drink that second cup of coffee Open a window Listen to Dungeons and Daddies Go outside during your lunch Complete 4 to dos Answer 10 emails Call it a day Halfway done. Halfway done.

I’m crying. What a fucking weirdo.

It’s Tuesday. Make your bed Do nothing extra Drink water Eat lunch Finish your to do list Today is the worst day of the week.

I can’t keep my eyes open, can’t focus, and can’t think straight. What a way to start the month

It’s Monday, gang. Eat a good breakfast Drink some coffee Work on your to do list Remember that you’re cool and accomplished Fight your enemies Plan to have dessert after dinner.

White rabbit, white rabbit

Thought 3 was missing today. He went into the garage and took awhile to come back. I went into the garage, not there. Into the house, not there. Checked the bathroom, not there. Front yard, not there. Started panicking and screaming his name. Got H invoked, he searched inside the house again. 1/

I am a grown, intelligent, hardworking woman and these fucking lift n pulls ARE TOO DAMN DIFFICULT

Easily bulls eye caramel creams. I used to eat these with my grandmother all the time.

It’s Friday! Start beef with your co-worker Eat lunch at 10:30 Make everything Mondays problem Be a menace Clock out early

Meiselas: Katie Miller has been posting about you. I want to give you the opportunity right now to respond. What do you want to say to her? Paulina Mangubat, Content and Creative Director for @TheDemocrats: I want Katie Miller to know that her husband is an ugly fuck.

Reading your emails causes my eyes to melt, fall down my cheeks, and pool onto my lap because you are dumb as all fuck.

Said “oh fuck OFF” while I’m in a meeting with mute on and camera on. Right as I said that, the speaker paused and said “okay” Honestly shit my pants that everybody in this meeting heard me but I’m still muted, my box didn’t light up blue, and I spoke again and still nothing so I think I’m safe.

It’s Thursday. Do your work Eat your lunch Use a face mask Have a little sweet treat Go to bed early I’m too tired to do much else

Some people are so FUCKING DUMB so close to the end of my work day. Where was the dumbassery at 10 AM??

Maybe they should find jobs with higher salaries then, it shouldn’t be that hard.

It’s Wednesday, noodles. Make your bed Eat a good breakfast Wrap yourself in a blanket Tackle your to do list Keep your head down You can make it through today.

Don’t forget to take your iron pills!!!!!!!

Dawg what

It’s Tuesday, guys. Open your window Answer emails from the last 4 days Enjoy that cup of coffee Order lunch Shower the second you get home Eat girl dinner Watch some Netflix Go to bed early Day 1 of a short week, we got this.

Not my fully potty trained 3 shitting his pants literally an hour after taking a shower. Why.

Chicago peeps! Any recommendations for restaurants in the loop that are accommodating to egg, nut, and shellfish allergies? I’m finding some but I’m struggling.

Made a basic itinerary for the beach vacation this morning. Will make one for our Chicago trip later on. Traveling with two small kids (one of which has severe food allergies) is NO joke.

Squirrels dig up and ate every single one of my sunflower seeds and I’m FUMING

Booked our first airplane trip with the kids to go to Chicago!

There ain't room in this town for the both of us!!! that's why we need more affordable housing kemosabe

Drank too much coffee and now I have a ✨stomachache✨

It’s Friday of a holiday weekend Do nothing Relax Put up your OOO message Be safe

McConnell is hugely responsible for us getting here. But you can see what kind of day the white house is having.

Oh no I fell into the kind talk, OK to cry, your inner child is proud of you videos on IG and now I’m crying at my desk at work.

My nemesis at work asked me if my glasses were new. I’ve had them for over a year. Just goes to show how often she’s even thinking of me.

It’s Thursday. Make your bed Wear a sweatshirt Eat some snacks Take your meds Short week next week, get ahead in some work.

Who said that you can’t learn anything from TV? Not this guy from Erie, PA who learned that women actually have butts to begin with, forget that he can eat them.

It’s Wednesday, you guys. Turn up the AC Wear your favorite socks Do all of your outstanding tasks Plan for the next year professionally Listen to a podcast Stretch your arms Find a good Netflix show after work It’s the middle of the week. We’re almost there.

This place fucking sucks

Meeting a corporate higher up for the first time and I’m convinced that the impression I made was that I’m dumb and ugly.