If a movie was made about your life, would you want an actor more attractive or less attractive to play you?

Oh no Vrabel got rid of the stache.

Fingers crossed that the milk, which had the sell by date of 12/02, actually turned early and my kids are not getting stomach bugs.

STOP SENDING ME EMAILS AT 9:46 PM. I do not get paid to work that late! I am tired and probably in bed!

Kids hated the pot roast. Who would have guessed.

Using this as my running to do list: - empty trashes - start laundry - CVS - mediation - start dinner at 1 - liquor store

Because I am a Queen

Goddamn goddamn goddamn

I’m going into 2026 with the resolution of putting the clean/dry dishes away before going to bed. So far so good.

Thanks Maybelline

“AI is clearly sticking around so you have to get used to it” wrong. I don’t have to get used to shit. I am a practiced hater and I can keep this going for decades if I am required to

www.delallo.com/recipe/spicy... This is what we had for dinner (5 asked for seconds!). Highly recommend adding either spinach or kale!

What should I do for my 35th birthday???? It’s in 7 weeks and I’m clueless

Don’t forget to unsubscribe from all the random companies marketing emails after you receive your order confirmation!

White rabbit white rabbit

Good bot

I’m just trying to get some vegetables in and clean out my fridge at the same time

Off the shelf & outta the fridge soup night: - jar tomato sauce - 28 oz diced tomatoes - half an onion - 5 cloves garlic, sliced - one can each corn, green beans & white beans - 3 c chicken broth - 1/3 bag shredded carrots - 1 cup pasta Season to taste. Serve with beers.

@profanity.accountant any insight?

Oh Christ fuck right off you wrinkled douche.

I’m crying at the Samuel Alito one

Felt like I spent all of thanksgiving wrangling my kids, trying to get them to eat, to stop bothering others, to sit down, to stop playing at the table, to be still, to try one more bite, to stop playing with the water/ice that I couldn’t enjoy myself at dinner.

Already planning my Christmas menu (since we stay home for it) and *chefs kiss* it’s A+

Is it too early to call dibs on hosting thanksgiving next year? I just want to stay home

If I get added to another group chat, then I will run away

It’s raining and now I don’t want to leave the house again even though I wanted to hit the beer store for a refreshment tonight

The “please remove me from this email chain” kill me. Absolutely dead.

PSA: if you’re leaving tomorrow to travel for thanksgiving, here are all the things you should do today: - All laundry & put it away - empty the trashes/recycling - Make your bed! - buy beer/wine to open once you come home - pick out your pajamas to change into - order groceries/time for delivery

5 threatened his class frenemie with Krampus. That teacher email is coming in 3-2-1

I should have had a lunch beer

Pulling a @huma.bsky.social and increasingly fiber with some chia seeds. A bitch better not be leading me astray!

🎶🎵White people taco night 🎵🎶

Highly recommend watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Oh shit. 2 was sent home for throwing up.

I can’t stand when I email another attorney and only his paralegal responds.

I’m hungry for lunch

Friendly reminder to anyone who is gonna be around babies this holiday season to please make sure your TDAP is up to date!

Don’t just give thanks, buy union-made this Thanksgiving! 🦃

Booked mani/pedis with 5 for next week. He told me he wants a dinosaur on each finger. Ah yes. The thanksgiving dinosaur who ate the pilgrims. Sounds good to me, how much extra should I tip?

Just leave me alone to be a depressed little snail in peace, damn.

please do not say every woman who is into older men was a victim of abuse! Some of us just hate our fathers!

Too many meetings and not enough oreo cookies

Need to use the bathroom but my teams hearing started 3 minutes ago and I’m still in the waiting room

Just paid off another loan 🥳 Only 4 loans left for a total of $81,493.96!!! Estimated payoff date: December 2028

Work thanksgiving pot luck this week so I’m bringing my favorite thing because I don’t even trust my coworkers to wash their fucking hands forget eating food they make at home.

5’1” Not lying.

i’d be more comfortable with the olivia nuzzi coverage if every story was headlined something like “seduced by a guy who eats roadkill: the story of an extremely stupid lady”

I’m going to host a cookies and cocktails party in February and the house cocktail is a French 75. Anybody have any good cookie pairings for it? I know lemon cookies would be good but I hate lemon desserts.

“But Your Holiness! It’s the Catalina Wine Mixer!”