Me when I’m hungry even though I know there’s nothing in there

Cilantro is one of the great joys in my life. If you take it from me, I WILL die

I have zero tolerance for ignorance

I think it’s time to mute the words “punch” and “monkey”. I cannot handle this story; I am not emotionally strong enough

You can do what you want. But the logic for staying on Twitter is insane, some form of Gell-Mann Amnesia: Everyone else's posts are obviously besotted in apartheid-forward engagement bots, but MY posts are clearly unaffected, because they're beautiful and perfect. Again, do you, but I'm all set.

Oh, hi.

Shart early

Down With The Sickness is my dog Roscoe’s favorite song

Someone left my cake out in the rain!!!!

Fish went and saw the new Dracula movie

I wanna see the woman throw the man in the air while ice skating

How come nobody responded to this? Did no one see it? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

The other day I was thinking how in the song My Girl they say “I got so much honey, the bees envy me” and was like damn that’s kind of twisted they play that song in the movie

Sounds like dating in my early 20s

@setmeravelles.bsky.social you gonna do this? www.birdcount.org

It’s 2/11 and I’m stressin

impossible to exaggerate how devastating a scandal even one story like this would have been for any prior administration, yet this is the umpteenth for this one with zero consequences.

Do we think he just doesn’t give an F anymore because he’s almost out? I’ve been wondering this for a while

Ok who put the smart & sane pills in Kevin Stitt’s biscuits & gravy?

People are always talking about their MySpace profiles, but who else remembers perfecting your AOL profile? That shit was an art

What’s with all these models who do these snow sports? I don’t wanna see these hunks, just show me some regular people

“I don’t recall why we did it” yeah, ok

If any other president was mentioned in the files even ONCE…

Has Liz Wheeler read the lyrics to Bawitdaba? genius.com/Kid-rock-baw...

lol

Gross Google commercial. Let’s let kids have imaginations.

Beautiful, joyous, wonderful show

Overall I feel like Super Bowl commercials are not special anymore, because most commercials are funny (or trying to be) on a regular basis now.

!!!!!

“Why is Mariah performing in Italy?!” Why did Lady Gaga perform in Paris? Shut up

Javier, our CEO, wanted to check in with everybody. He hopes you're doing alright. If not, you're welcome to take a few deep breaths with him and think of something you're looking forward to. Javi is looking forward to the Bad Bunny halftime show ❤️

Oh, touch grass? Well everything is completely covered in snow so how do you expect me to do that?!

And now they wanna get rid of us and replace us with AI robots

Is the guy who used to heat macking cheese in the michael wave everyday on here?

My husband just NOW learned that Andy Milonakis wasn’t a child when he had his show

How come when I click “show less of this” it just shows me more

There are a lot of things you could do, but shouldn’t. This is one of them.

In honor of Cher and Groundhog Day

I almost didn’t watch the Grammys for obvious reasons but I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it was a great show this year!

I love Billie Eilish so much

She did it, guys. She ended.

Is it just me or should Sidney Prescott not have had children

The funny thing about a certain type of angry conspiracy guy is that they’re literally being confronted with an elite paedophile ring and a tyrannical government at the same time right now, and because it isn't being done by the people they wanted it to be done by they’re all being pussies about it

Well, this is odd