Someone took all my post-it notes and now I am utterly lost, I had no idea my entire work ethic, hygeine, eating schedule and social world was barely hanging together with that flimsy glue

Subtitling my documentaries from Cajun country: Spell ”Washitaw Parish”. O-U-A… just fuckoff now

Just sold the house to a couple of millionaires who bullied us through the whole process. My mother, sweet Godfearing southern granny, said ”On your last day, take the heads and leggy bits from a crawfish boil, remove the finials from the curtain rods, stuff those rods with bits and close it up.”

My girls were under specific instructions to tackle me to the ground if I tried to buy any more art in CDMX. After a while tho I yelled ”CAN’T CATCH ME!” and sprinted to a woodcut artist whose print made my heart skip a beat and I’m not sorry. Look at those eyes! (Artist is salvador_sotto on the IG)

Ok so I didn’t really need that in my adult beverage but thanks for sharing

Allergies got me like

Am currently in danger of horking donut over the board meeting of a bank that hired me to record the meeting. They opened with a prayer for the Lord God to guide their hand. God guided my hand to snatch one of their donuts while their heads were bowed but the prayer was shorter than expected

I think I’m gonna - checks schedule - get day drunk and buy game dice and femmepunk crop-tops

Anxiety-spiking week treated with long sun-dappled walks among the live oaks. But nobody can stay in the woods forever.

“Let my people goth.” - Emoses

Aaaa my house got swatted by buck moth caterpillars! I swept up SEVEN of the little fuckers in my dining room! I didn’t know kamikaze stinging caterpillars hunted in packs

My gremlin friends and I accidentally workshopped a ttrpg idea where we all play unscrupulous toadie bureaucrats for an imaginary evil regime but all the gameplay takes place via characters’ accounts on Truth Social; I have sobered up but still hella tempted

Writing a new ttrpg based on Waiting for Godot, set in a subway. I’ve been trying to write it for over a year and it just gets very, very dark. Like on a personal level. I can’t - can I? Run this game and still have friends?

Here’s a Tessa boinging into your feed

I am paying attention. Lord. To the point of doomscroll trauma. I care and it keeps me up at night medicated. But I also want to look away for one second and post something about how I think I’m a cougar in search of a cheap floor-length faux leopard coat but I can’t do that can I because *gestures*

blep blep blep remember to also take time to look deep into Jack’s eyes and tell him he is a sweet boy. Jack is here for you.

Freeze your credit. Give to ACLU. Donate to Rainbow Railroad. Seriously, freeze your credit with all three credit agencies.

I don’t see why I can’t find a warm subzero winter coat that shows off my tattoos dammit

I planned to get up on the roof to do some necessary maintenance today and now realizing that it’s Idiots Shoot the Sky and Miss Day so

This derp, this derp is mine

My client sent me to the wrong city repeat the WRONG CITY and then was like you’ll still make it to the shoot right ahem THERE WILL BE A SLIGHT DELAY SIR

My motel in Winona, Mississippi came equipped with a cross bigger than the building itself

I am no longer a redhead. I am alarmed and don’t know how to function. I assume I need a new social security number right? Is there an orientation video? I am distraught

I need everyone to help me track down the fiend who concocted the ”Put a little dirt under your pillow for the dirt man” meme tune because we’re going to corner him and hum ”It’s a Small World” at him until he suffers the way we suffer

I wish there was a service that would take anything you want and print it in entirely illegible death metal font. Because I really want a comfy tee that says “Cuppa Tea?” or “Not So Loud” but, you know, metal. #metaltee #eldergoth #eldermetalhead

Anyone else need to stop saying “kthxbyeeeee!” ironically because it’s slipping out unironically in client calls? Stupid brain

Nola drawbacks: finding a functionally dead cockroach but you can’t sweep it up yet because the legs are still skittering and if the broom touches it the damn zombie will flip and run aimlessly around

Stay offline? Then how would I hear what people I don’t know think of things I never heard of

I was just absently reading a riddle which had an obvious simple answer - and then realized it was a test for sociopaths.

I have been left unsupervised with an entire jar of gherkins and damn the consequences, I’m going to see this through to the end.

If you are some extraplanar being or mysterious diety of great power, and you select some mortal to plague with misfortunes, I would think that you’d like the satisfaction of rubbing their nose in why. Face me you asshole

Oh. We lost the house heater. It’s -4C outside. At this point of this really awful year I’m just… not even surprised. I’m just adding it to the list.

Freezing temps in Nola means people are debating how thick a stream of water you need to run from all your faucets to keep pipes from freezing. Blew their minds when my contribution was that the rest of the world has insulated pipes 🙄 Had to explain how that works

My mother got me 14 potholders for Christmas. After announcing that we weren’t doing gifts this year. She apparently just kept picking up potholders all year, thinking of me.

Look, only one of two cringe things is happening in that Christmas carol. Either mommy and daddy conspired to traumatize their kid (why else would daddy have dressed up like Santa), or Santa is real and mommy is getting her freak on.

Is bsky the sort of forum where I admit that teaching myself to put on false lashes resulted in gluing my fingers together and the lashes to the dog’s back? Trying to get a read on the room

Shouting into the void again, I see