life goal: watch 1 million movies in 1 million days

not trying to do #pride stolen valor, but my cat is gay and i am an ally, so

when you meet a child for the first time, it is polite to offer them a cigarette.

blood sugar is vampire dessert

so far today, my cat has done 11 perfect things.

I love you.

every day i see a new thing about Platner and it makes me feel like i am actually going insane.

Finally, it's the grown-ups turn to be cranky because they're teething 👶🦷

call him Eric Banana because it is banana how underrated he is

a super-villain who claims to know all the words to Sweet Caroline and threatens to prove it

Need a piss physicist to tell me where to aim in the bowl so piss doesn't splash when i piss. this has got to stop! send help. (For your calculations: I am 6ft1 and I form one 5mm kidney stone ~every 3 years)

there's this kitty that lives in my HOUSE!

So, if you ever find me bound to a wall in some kind of cocoon and there is definitely something wriggling inside me and the only thing i say is, "kill. me. kill. me." over and over... please, don't do it. I'm probably just off my meds. TIA 😃

been reading up and I think they should just kill him. has anyone tried killing him? might help if you killed him is all i'm saying.

does the alien from alien have interiority?

a kitty so soft yes please

digitally adding a bone temple to every movie that doesn't feature a bone temple (most)

Of all the injuries a person can sustain, none are more embarrassing than the "sleep injury."

im gonna kill you, driving crooner

...and that was when I knew; he wasnt just mad. Godzilla was friggin pissed.

i dont know. I don't know. I just think it would be neat to kiss Charlize Theron, ok?

Time for the skeptics to get on board. The next world transforming technology is already here. Evolve, or be left in the dust.

What the fudge are you on about, mate?!?!

Australia is way too strict about non-native species. I propose we bring in more deadly animals and plants. bring all of them. royal rumble.

[holstering my cumming penis after cumming way faster than anyone before] heh. still got it.

my bedtime routine? you'd freak if i told you.

White Tourist SHOCKS Server Placing Order in FLAWLESS Denzel Washington Dialect

giblets

my hobo friend saw this in the sky, looked at his bottle of hooch, then back up at the sky. blinked and rubbed his eyes before throwing his bottle away. he's been sober 2 days now and he hates it.

forgot to make a new save file before trimming my beard. Now I've got 2 weeks of wisker farming until im back where I started

a cat ponders yard work she will never do.

Jomes Band

if this is the furst time you see my cat prepare to have your whole world rocked

Personall I'd like to see more of a Gritty Bond

sherpas schlep

It's crazy how easy it would be to build a fair, decent society. Every day wouldn't be perfect, but it wouldn't be desperate, it wouldn't be terrifying. We could make it good so easily. It's just a few evil, slime-brained, greedy freaks who force horrors on us. We could remove their power. We could.

This is a commercial for TRUCK. Truck has MASSIVE blind spots and come with FINANCING. The truck goes off road and can FLIP over. Get TRUCK TOUGH when you buy it!

Here’s the entirety of April on the Sun! The month was pretty quiet (particularly welcome during the Artemis II launch), picking up towards the end of the month. Overall, sunspot numbers were in the lowest three months since 2022 – continuing the decline in solar activity!

my genie wishes go: 1 everbody chilling the fuck out 2 a sequel to The Nice Guys 3 I cum faster than any person alive

this year's face model comes with self-clogging pores.

humans were put on this earth to tell animals they've done a biiig stretch every time they've done one

I call him Job Ham because he's so good at his job of being in gambling commercials.

Robbing Peter to pay Paul? Dream bigger. My plan is to hit all Apostles in ONE night. Judas, my man on the inside has a plan where no one gets caught and no one gets crucified. it's perfik. Apostles 11 - will be in theaters never because hollywood are coward

Rudely Giuliani has dyed.... his dang hair! remember when he was leaking ink? He is still sick and is leaking ink to this day. His cousin divorced him for leaking ink everywhere. but you know what? he'll stop leaking ink when he dies. a sick, sick man. pray 4 him.

I think it's very funny they keep banning people for stating, correctly, that the head of trust and safety on here was caught liking porn on his official account.

a cat so cute it makes you squeee? it's more likely than you think

just found out Knowledge Fight is over. that i feel so gutted is testament to how great the show was.

grateful for bedtime. grateful for the big snooze. one ticket for the pseudo death train, please.

cat thoughts make me warm