Double-ended dildos are so funny like, so what are you gonna have?

You know, that Van Halen album: Oh You Ate One Too??

Coworker who is apparently very sick decided to notify me AFTER I’d been sitting at his desk trying to fix his computer… pls send thoughts and prayers.

Anyone else get random boners when they pee somewhere other than a toilet, or shower, or swimming pool?

Ugh, job hunting in 2026 is gonna be way worse than it was in 2025, isn't it? "We may use AI tools to support parts of the hiring process, such as reviewing applications, analyzing resumes, or assessing responses. These tools assist our recruitment team but do not replace human judgment."

And so once again, oh America my friend, one again you are fighting us all, and when we ask you why, you raise your sticks and cry and we fall. Oh my friend, how did you come to trade the fiddle for the drum?

I know a joke about the Trojans, but you won't understand until it's too late.

I do hope we get BEANS variety.com/2026/tv/news...

I was resurrected in another world, and I reposted your post hoping — I desperately need your help. Link in bio.

Day six of low-grade stress headache. Tylenol, advil, aleve… nothing helps. Wheee

I am a fan of horror, and gore doesn’t bother me, but being acutely aware of my own circulatory system gives me an ick. I can feel the blood circulating, hear pumping, I can see my pulse in my vision. Then I think about it and can’t get comfortable for like 10 minutes after. 🧛‍♂️

Oooo yessss holy Gengar!! They was my baby in Pokemon AZ.

I relate so hard with this cat right now.

I don’t get how paying off student loans causes you to “lose that credit history”. It’s still history. The loan is paid in full. Why would that mean my credit score DROPS points? That’s the stupidest shit…

My work computer absolutely hates that I hid my taskbar. “You cannot have two taskbars on the same screen” bitch just because it’s hidden on my upper monitor doesn’t mean it’s now in the lower monitor. Even the scale of the taskbar changes like it’s on the other monitor. Cmon Microsoft.

Now Link, has saved the day! Put Ganon in his grave! So now Zelda is free and now a hero shall be: Link, I think your name shall go down in to his-tor-y!

Hands down best humps on the west coast. 😍

I am so not predictable. No siree. 😇

Welcome to the USA where companies will use any reason to raise prices and make an extra buck.

Stress at work lately. Low grade BP headache since Friday. 14 months unemployed and not a single headache or migraine. Obviously the cause it work. Maybe I can go on disability.

Need therapy therapy advertising causes need therapy therapy

One of my favorite things about motorcycle is that if you really try, you can beat the Google Maps estimate by like… 5 minutes. 17 min commute took me 12! Was gonna be soooo late. I hate being late. I’ve been written up for it at a previous job! Don’t wanna do that again.

What causes the Willamette River to change flow direction? I swear it was flowing North last week but now it’s flowing South. Make up your mind!!

Having high BP is like being on a roller coaster all day. One moment everything is ok and the next your brain is like “wheeeeeeee”

I am about to lose my cool with this coworker. HE IS NEVER AT HIS LAPTOP WHEN HE WORKS FROM HOME. How is this allowed. I do not understand why nobody has said or done anything about this guy. He literally said he would help me with something, and has been afk for 30 mins since. godsdamnit.

What do you think Bluesky is for? I don't know any of these people!

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.

Happy St Patrick’s Day! Post the first thing in your camera roll when you search “green”. 🍀 How about 3 things:

Haha nice try, Filipino phone number. Also? Today IS March 17th your dummy. You’ll never catch me, coppers!

My office building is 15 ft from train tracks, and the whole building shakes when a train scoots by. My SF raised brain is all like

But what if I’m gay, Italian, AND Irish?

Wowsers I just dropped a pen vape on the floor and the cartridge shattered. Damn

hahaha a Resident Evil knockoff www.nintendo.com/us/store/pro...

Eminem's gotta cuss in his raps to sell records. Well me too, so fuck Will Smith. That don't rhyme. Drats.

Hairy Ikora is too powerful. #destinyRising

aw such a cute song 🥰

Drove downtown in the rain, nine-thirty on a Tuesday night, just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane, but when I'm surrounded, I just can't stop.

What’s it called when a song has that chipmunk-sounding yodeling in the background? Is there a term for it?

I’d use my tongue… 👅

Have a license issue at work. I notice they’re in the right group that says it’ll assign the license but it’s not working. A coworker fixes the issue and says he’ll show me how to fix it tomorrow. Couldn’t he just tell me the group name? “Is it so-and-so group in Entra?” “Yes” 🙃

I actually had someone say to me, “I quit for a long time but when my non-smoking grandmother died of lung cancer I decided I would enjoy my 🚬”. So close to getting it, little guy. You’re almost there!

The people I’ve seen from San Francisco who are fighting tooth and nail to keep allowing smoking on bar patios really don’t get it. I hope that resolution passes. That would be a huge win for health. I can’t imagine how bad non-smoking bartenders’ lungs must look.

NVIDIA presents DLSS 5

Anyone have a block list for those fake spam accounts using pics of suffering Palestinians/Iranians to get donations and stuff?

“…marble…as it’s drying.” WOW just wow.

New Outlook is such garbage. Accidentally flagged an email. Right click, try to select “clear flag” and it’s greyed out. I look online, this has been an issue for 2+ years. WTF ppl

Filed a ticket with maintenance about a broken drawer in the work kitchen. Described the issue, troubleshooting, and provide pictures of the broken rail. They closed the ticket and said “the drawer was just off the rail”. I go check, nothing is different. Parts are still missing or broken. 😡

When I play Dead Space, I like to turn some music on low, so it's like I'm running through the derelict ship listening to my iPod while surviving the horrors. Almost like real life!