WHY DOES SKATE 4 HAVE KERNEL-LEVEL ANTI-CHEAT WHO IS CHEATING AT SKATE 4

Having been a regular at the same Supercuts for many years, I've noticed a correlation between how good my conversation with the hairstylist is and how terrible the haircut is

New prophecy concept since the rapture keeps not happening: The four horsemen of the apocalypse actually refers to the NFL, which currently has three teams named after horses (Broncos, Colts, Chargers); the end times are destined to occur only as the Jets relocate as the Schenectady Steeds

The order arrived... no drink lmao I think it was just a bluff on the menu they never expected anyone to order

I'm doing it, I'm ordering the nebulous "Drink" What will it be

Given the new moderation changes, I would like to clarify to Bluesky that every time I am comically smashed with a giant cartoon mallet and spring back up like an accordion, it is competely consensual

iT HAPPENED AGAIN

punting is losing

People keep making fun of my chocolate and I’m tired of it, I’ve fucking had it.

Honestly if you're not conservative enough that JIMMY KIMMEL doesn't satisfy you, killing yourself would be a far easier route through life

Me as I check the Mets score after a busy day

LET'S GO TERENCE CRAWFORD

Chapel HELL. @theonion.com

Last night I had a dream that included a full performance of Fly by Sugar Ray but somehow my brain didn't remember Sugar Ray so half the dream was just setting up a fake band to play the song

Are we SURE Charlie Kirk died of a gunshot wound? No one wants to check to make sure he didn't have any underlying conditions that might have contributed? #Vaxxed

This is the worst fan fiction I have read plus power rangers is for kids so why the fuck is there cussing

My entire TikTok fyp right now has somehow become videos of cheese being poured on things and I gotta tell ya it's pretty terrific

Okay the Bills still suck I'm not letting the Ravens fucking that change the narrative

"Woah, the NFL team with the worst coach in the league and the most overrated QB in the league lost to a team better than them in every way? Sounds fake to me!" - Me if I was a stupid fucking dipshit who didn't know anything about football at all

Having been debilitatingly sick for the last five days, and stuck broken even before then because of my bruised tailbone, I just have to say: The Bills sucking so incredibly is so funny that it's actually healing my wounds and patching my lungs

Anyway I've been really sick the last few days and as it turns out I hallucinate weird shit when that happens

You ever close your eyes and see a sight that no one has ever seen before but you can't talk about it because no one is gonna take seriously the shit you randomly hallucinated as your eyes shut? ...yeah me neither

I leave "there's nothing shredder can't shred" as a comment on every industrial shredder video I see and I'm STILL less of a bot than the people who comment stuff like "But what if... a human was put in 🤔"

every white person knows this couple

The return of Dinocember?

Local place I order from on UberEats sometimes has only a single item in the drinks category, labeled "Drink" for $2.50 The mystery beckons, what if it's a mysterious elixir that causes wealth and good luck and no one knows that yet cause no one's ordered it

Ash becomes a robot and fucking kills Mewtwo

Never forget when the USMNT used a picture of me in their official 10-year remembrance tweet of the #SnowClasico

CHAMPAGNE!

Literally ONE week being coached by Arteta and Eze's already forgotten how to shoot the ball lmao

Just put a bid on something on eBay like it's fuckin 2005 I ain't bought something off eBay that wasn't a "sell now" in about that long

Reading an overview of the Rockies farm system and seeing that the #5 guy is a pitcher whose entire profile is "This guy sucks ass, walks everyone, and has no good pitches but he was good for eight innings in College so we're rating him 5th" Good to know they're bringing up good talent!

NOPE i CANNOT be having an hours long psychosis episode and try to open Tiktk to help and this is the first thing I see

NOPE i CANNOT be having an hours long psychosis episode and try to open Tiktk to help and this is the first thing I see

okay like I'm truly not sure if it's better to be self-aware of a psychosis breakdown or to be unaware; at least if I was unaware I'd have some sense of awe at the fact my room was full of spiders and lightning

Parents are cleaning out all of the old stuff in their house for Goodwill/Yard Sale including all of the baby stuff and my mom insisted that I keep my favorite stuffed animal from age 3, which is a scuffed brown mouse with no limbs and a long red tail I guess I'll call her "Scuffy"

Checked MyChart and apparently the official reason they gave for my injury was "Falling on his butt" Something feels wrong about a doctor using the word "butt" idk

There truly has never been a single Gaga tour where she doesn't play the worst fucking song on her newest album loudly and proudly, has there

You never know just how many general human actions have a muscle somewhere connected to the tailbone until you bruise your tailbone and then EVERYTHING HURTS FOREVER

Chickens that are hyped and giving feathery thumbs up and smiling about representing a chicken restaurant are so common, it's a bingo spot on my Geoguessr Bingo

Today they're cooking with "Being on the internet is actually the same as real life because there are people on it"

Obviously I've been enjoying USMNT fans sobbing over the Rapids signing Paxten Aaronson, but this specifically is so funny cause if Bob Bradley had brought a #Rapids96 (Conor Casey) instead of Findley to the WC in 2010 maybe they'd have actually gotten a goal from a striker and beaten Ghana lmao

At least it's not broken!

Rockies Pitcher Pledges To Give Up Home Run For Sick Child https://theonion.com/rockies-pitcher-pledges-to-give-up-home-run-for-sick-child/

Every time I injure myself it's for some old man reason like "injured in a fall" It's hard to pass off a bruised tailbone as coming from something cool like a bear attack

Saturday's #Rapids96 game was awesome if only cause I got to see my long-time Croatian friend Ivan and his son for the first time since 2018!

Shoutout to the 3 people who still follow my Geoguessr blog on Tumblr Haven't actually made a post on there in months but some folks still reblog it!