Penguin's Law: IF something happens in Melbourne that's actually standard for a city this size (crime, COVID, infrastructure costs) but is blown out of all proportion for base political reasons ... THEN one year later that exaggerated version will manifest as reality in Sydney. Every single time.

Poor old Ed Sheeran’s come down to Melbourne on the XPT, while his fans are circling the back side of beyond for a spot to park their Raptor rather than take public transport to Marvel.

they should let the nuclear powers detonate their largest weapons on canberra without any warning

Queensland is not real and it cannot hurt us.

Victoria has worked how out to fix Australia's slumlord driven housing crisis. No wonder media organisations reliant on real estate ad revenue are so desperate to remove the current government.

Pillion the most magnificent romance ever made.

Imagine closing your fish & chip shop on the first Friday of Lent.

I looked forward to Australian President Eddie McGuire

At this year’s state election I’m voting for the party that commits to not spending one more red fucking cent in regional Victoria. #SpringSt

Do you reckon the Chinese People’s BOM predicts 4-20mm of rain and then they get 2?

Pancakes for Shrove Tuesday in the morning and dragons for Lunar New Year in the afternoon. Where else but Melbourne?

POV: you’re walking out of ACMI after seeing a Tony Leung Chiu-wai film.

Don’t listen to any woman who tells you “Wuthering Heights” is bad. It’s magnificent. See it on the biggest screen you can.

Many such cases

The Victorianisation of the Federal Liberal Party. #Auspol

I know I talk a lot about the pure crisp refreshment and sensational taste of Pepsi Max, but I think we often overlook the greatest innovation of this decade: Solo Zero Sugar.

Of course this cunt was interviewed on 7 Dezi this morning.

Meanwhile Herzog’s in Parliament House passing a few bills. #Auspol

if you have a ring camera you are a child, terrified of the silhouette of a jacket hanging on a chair. you are lower than a worm to me. you have sold your soul to a devil that has offered you nothing in return

I know it’s 💕Sydney things💕 but I wrote to my local federal MP thanking them for all this social cohesion. #Auspol

Welcome back Sir Joh, Premier of NSW. #Auspol

Retreating further into 1997. Rewatched Air Force One for thrills, chills and spills on a scale humanity has lost the skill to create anymore.

Thank god Cinty isn’t a dipshit. Starkly different to the videos from Sydney. #Auspol

Australians will watch any sport won’t they. All the city pubs were bustling with Superbowl carry on today.

Says the Member for Fucker’s Squat.

On this note, we just watched “Turbulence” 1997 which was a favourite of mine down at Castle Hill Video Ezy. Holds up. Thrilling.

We need to make it 1997 again through science or magic

I am a member of Golden Key International Honour Society.

I think a little 14 inch CRT TV/DVD player combo would fix me.

New Trek should keep Deep Space Nine’s name out of their mouth.

The names of the network multichannels are getting out of hand. 10 Peach, 9 Kmart Mums, 7 Dezi HD. It’s all too much.

Just got to see Infernal Affairs with that dish Tony Leung up on the big screen at ACMI. Aren’t we lucky to live in Melbourne???

This is so mental. The media has so much to answer for. Like you are safe at home in Australia. Especially in Vic, which is safer than NSW or QLD. Regional NT is maybe the only place with real genuine systemic issues. Not the odd random b&e. #Auspol #SpringSt

Every gen alpha in Coles.

Youse ever buy the fresh cut flowers from that batty woman who set up in front of Flagstaff and Parliament stations? They’re really nice.

going on the computer is worse for you than drinking FACT

Hmm was it “blame Dan Andrews?” or maybe “don’t get vaccinated?”

I’m the only active citizen left in Melbourne.

Guardian should probably fire her tbh.

Boomer at the opera wearing a trucker cap that says “MASSAGE FESTIVAL”

Just Sydney things 💕

I emailed ABC News and said we don’t want any articles about dipshit Doreen who missed a decade of signs and information and is now OUTRAGED her train from Sunbury doesn’t go to Flinders St anymore. #SpringSt #MetroTunnel #Auspol

We’re entering new levels of retarded now.

I mean obviously we need to disenfranchise regional people.

I cannot speak highly enough of My Brilliant Career at the MTC. Beautiful, original and joyous Australiana but like in a good way. Go and see it.

I ain’t celebrating Sydney Day. That’s sicko shit.

God love the Asians for making Melbourne even more marvellous. 9:30 on a Sunday night and half the shops are open still, and all the restaurants have queues to get in.

Tell you what, they better not come for the beautiful thick uncut ‘City Living’ monument in my street.

Is writing “Death to Australia” helping the cause? Also dog brained to write land back when there’s a treaty in Victoria now. Dgaf about the colonial monument but the Separation one should be cherished.