Private message to freaks like me: The holiday bath bombs are 50% off at Lush now but you gotta go into the actual store.

Finished a 7 season rewatch of Nurse Jackie today, starting The Pitt now. This is gonna be ok, right? It’s not like a TV speedball?

If you’ve found yourself viewing men, or white people, or straight people as the default - the “cheese pizza” if you will, and every other kind of person else is just some kind of variety of toppings on it, I beg you to take a class or something this year. Go on a journey. Get smarter. It’ll be fun!

When I see a shitty person I know becoming really successful online I like to lay back and enjoy the “tick tick tick tick” before that first big drop.

I got a new haircut the day the US invaded Venezuela and no one mentioned it on the news :(

I have become the unnecessary unofficial street team for Heated Rivalry. I’m less proud of the dozen or so people I have recommended it to who came back obsessed - the real point of pride is the one who RANTED to me about what TRASH it is & how she couldn’t BELIEVE she watched every single episode.😏

Walking the dog on a rainy New Years Eve in Los Angeles, seeing everyone’s giant TVs through their windows, replaying Heated Rivalry.

Every time I hear reports about Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie being out and about in Los Angeles I worry, because remember how they had to remove the Jack Sparrow walk-around character from Disney World because he kept being groped by horny moms? Stay safe fellas.

2026 top trend— Out: Bittersweet Symphonies In: Honey Mustard Rags

Don’t forget to check inside your shoes before you put them on, because what if there is a great big crunchy spider in there?

My dog coughed and audibly farted at the same time and in my house we call that The Christmas Miracle.

Get Hudson Williams in a Steve Perry biopic STAT and let me write it.

The greatest bag ever fumbled was Restoration Hardware discontinuing their foot duvets. How did y’all fuck that up??

Some really impressive work being done the field of “not all men” in quote replies everywhere.

I am confident that we could solve the male loneliness epidemic if men just started talking to people in their communities instead of into podcast microphones.

Please watch Aparna Nancherla’s special, Hopeful Potato out NOW on Dropout! Aparna is the best, and the special was directed by the devastatingly gorgeous and very smart guy, me!

LAST CHANCE FOR XMAS SALE - today and tomorrow everything is 20% off, but you gotta order by tomorrow to get it in time for Christmas. BooBerryJones.etsy.com

Sometimes I have to remind myself that everything I say in casual conversation does not have to establish my entire character, because I am not a character in a movie - and thank god bc movies are dead so I’d be screwed.

Check in on your friends who know what they are doing. They don’t know what they are doing. Knowing what you’re doing is a trauma response. There is no “knowing” or “what”, only “doing.” Can this 👆 be a book proposal? Money por Eliza, s’il vous plait.

Hitting pause on my life until the US release of Pillion in February 2026.

It’s time for some REAL cultural advancements - let’s start pronouncing P.M. and A.M “peem” and “ahm”. YOU CANT SPEND YOUR LIFE FEARING CHANGE, YOU COWARDS!!

I already bought the cool hand-crafted (Not) Poison mug featured in the preview, but there was one with a different handle and lots more cool stuff! It's artisanal, get a mug your future great grandkids will think you're a witch for having!

My mugs & jars Etsy shop update is live - and 25% off! Wall monsters & dishes coming Monday and the sale will continue…. BooBerryJones.etsy.com

Seeing that BOTH versions of the Johnny Lee Miller / Benedict Cumberbatch Frankenstein are streaming on the National Theater App made me exclaim “ooh!” in a way only a confirmed hermit can. Very mumbly and hoarse, through a thick beard and mustache - but excited!

I have become a creepy pottery reply guy. Every time I see a post of a cool bowl I gotta comment something like “gorgeous”, “beautiful”, or “hello bowl, do you need a sugar daddy to spoil you, $7000 a week, no nudes”

Send in the perimenopausal neurodivergent women. You think we haven’t been called names before? You think we don’t talk back to powerful idiots? Even if it will cost us a job/career/citizenship?? Oh boy - FILL THE PLANE WITH US.

It’s 7pm in November so it’s midnight. See you in the spring, early evening!

LA DOGS - the rain is gonna be heavy today. Thunder starting in a few hours. Time to put on your headphones and get into your audiobooks. You’ll need peanut butter on deck. Dog be with you.

Me pitching to O Henry: Ok, so the dog - he’s a very good dog, you know? Real good boy. But here’s the thing - he hates the rain. Can’t stand it. Refuses to go outside to potty. Instead he’s gonna wait it out. So he’s waiting all morning - because again, he’s a good boy. That’s important to him 1/2

Fuck the “bird” theory. That’s amateur hour! I’m going with the “when you tell me you traveled to another reality and back I will believe you” theory.

Upon this most recent rewatch, the most relatable parts of The Leftovers are the the absolutely batshit, intense, ✨meaningful✨ dream sequences. Hands up, who is having Leftovers-style dreams these days?

There should be a scientific study of the women who get close to Elon Musk and want to fuck him more than they want to stab him in the neck. Either way you can definitely grab some cash on your way out the door, girl - may as well swing for the fences.

Also, here is a photo of a good grilled cheese I made with kimchi and a monster vase I made with stoneware clay.

Hahaha our Governor is a ski club bully taking a break from hazing frosh.

Feeling a lil depressy, decided to start a rewatch of the Leftovers. Keep your eye on this space for downdates!

Perimenopause should be a universally accepted legal defense. “This woman kicked over her neighbor’s garbage can because it was left in the street for a week.” “How do you plead?” “Not Guilty Due To Perimenopause.” “Case dismissed!”

Just had to go to a party next door to ask them to please move their party inside (it was drunk screaming outside my bedroom window.) The response from the tenants was very respectful, but the response from the GenZ girl guests made me want to drop everything and devote my life to becoming a witch.

I don’t get it, why don’t they put turn signals on Teslas or Porsches? If I was gonna pay that much for a car, I would definitely want it equipped with turn signals.

Hey, did you know that if you donate to @laist.com when you pick your “thank you” gift you can choose from options like providing meals to families in need or shelter animals? Check out just a few of these options. Fund public local media!

Every time I forget to limit my replies I get nothing but asshole replies.

What happened to just shrugging your shoulders at people who seem weird to you? If we all just rolled our eyes and kept it moving - and let people live their freaky little lives in peace - we could all be happy! Make America “Ok, whatever” Again.

If you are tempted to get mad at me for my last post, you should know that my cat just kissed me on the lips so I think we’re married now. Is it really worth arguing with me?

One of the weirdest ideas going around is that immigrants are here getting free healthcare. But… we don’t have that here. If that was idea they would truck on through and get to Canada or Mexico. We are the LEAST attractive system available. It’s like saying they are stealing our magic wands.

“Let’s hang out soon - grab coffee or something. I actually mean it, lol!” WHAT?!? I NEVER DONT MEAN IT. EVERY TIME, I ALWAYS MEAN IT. OTHERWISE I WILL SAY “it was nice to see/hear from you!” Or “Well… where did you park?” Or “cool shoes! Bye bye! Tell your cat hi from me!”

Little old ladies at the protests are breaking me. I love them so much. These are the same women who have been protesting for just causes for decades and they’re still going.

#NoKings! Only small princes taking a morning whiz on a hilltop! See you on the streets!

JD Vance seems to be making more public appearances recently. I have to assume it is to remind the public that he has the energy of a dude who corners you at a party to ask (with thick, gummy, catshit breath) why you don’t like him - tearfully begs you to kiss him - then calls you a bitch.

This should be the absolute BEST time of year (2 more weeks of Spooky Season, then Vince Guaraldi Season begins). But this violent, racist, classist, misogynist administration has been DESTROYING it with - what I am calling - their War On Spooky Season.

Not Penny’s Boat

Man, I am so here for all the DWTS love for Andy Richter. It’s no coincidence that when I got my own show (Earth To Ned) Andy was literally the first guest we had. He’s just a good, kind (and very funny) dude.