This guy stormed the capital on January 6th and has a back catalogue of songs like 1776 and Declaration Day. I honestly can’t understand not being able to spin that into a lucrative grift in this day and age. Dude sucks.

Tylenol should just put our a statement saying that Trump and RFK demanded money from them and said they’d say Tylenol was linked to autism if they didn’t pay up. Nobody would disbelieve them.

Let’s not overlook the why either. The answer is “money.” I faccept that making a free speech stand is hard. But these are not people capitulating to avoid remortgaging their homes to defend defamation claims brought by sex pests. They’re very rich people worried about being slightly less rich.

Was in a conference yesterday preparing for a hearing in the corporations list. One of my client’s directors, out of nowhere, says: “I’ve been listening to your music on Spotify.” I don’t know what to do about my corporate lawyer persona and death metal singer persona existing in the same world.

Get woke or have stroke

I have every bit as much compassion for Charlie Kirk being shot by some random person as he would have if it had been me.

People who are standing up for the rights of trans people: The fucking NRA: ✅ Gavin Newsome and a bunch of other shitty centrist democrats: ❌

Rich dudes who try to schedule appointments with young women lawyers so they can hit on them is an irritating problem that I didn’t know I was going to have to keep an eye out for as a law firm partner. Once again the real victim is me; a rich straight man.

Nothing like having my courtroom successes get some media attention in order to be reminded that the left wing revolution wants to kill me just as much as the right wing one does. At least from the lefties I arguably deserve it.

CEO gets shot, media reports, surprised by reaction. Another CEO gets shot, the media reaction is substantially more muted and lacks sensationalisation or detail so more shooters aren’t inspired. 25 years of school shootings and they couldn’t figure it out but they cottoned on by the second CEO.

Kitchen table? You mean that thing I put all the washing on before I get around to folding it? Wtf is this, 1983?

Ah, the replacement Hulk Hogan we ordered has arrived. Excellent.

Is it just me or are there a weird number of social media posts talking about how Europe isn’t great and America is actually better and they all mention things like air conditioning, water at restaurants etc? Really feels like coordinated propaganda.

That was (unfortunately) quick

Over the last decade I have become uncomfortably aware of how many people are okay with, and even cheer for, explicit: sexism, racism, sexual assault and brutality. Epstein thing feels as though I’m about to find out that 40% of people have all along thought that molesting kids is actually awesome.

The easiest explanation for this nonsense as that the people making the decisions at Columbia are Trump dudes.

Send Blanche to Ghislaine Maxwell to “find out what she knows.” Imply she’ll be pardoned if it is helpful to Trump. Miraculously, what she knows is helpful to Trump. She testifies before congress. Pardon earned. After everyone forgets, she writes a book about how Trump did it. Nobody reads it.

“Oh shit, meant to send this as a text…”

Company is profitable: “that belongs to the shareholders, we paid you a wage.” Company is not profitable: “you’re asking for a higher wage when your employer doesn’t turn a profit? Forget it.” Either the value of labour is tied to returns or it isn’t.

holy shit lmao

Sometimes I lose sleep over some of the things I’ve helped enable as a lawyer. And they’re nothing major, and I’ve never done anything unethical; just apply the law. Just… sometimes the outcomes feel unfair and it perturbs me a bit. Trumps lawyers should never get a good night’s sleep again.

Been seeing people on social media responding to the old stuff like "why is this coming out now?" and "why didn't the democrats bring this up during the election if its true?" and its like BRO! It's all from 2016, we all knew. You just plugged your ears and yelled "Trump Derangement Syndrome!"

It’s even worse than you all think. Before the Coldplay thing that bloke was spotted at a Nickelback concert.

Been parking my car and walking the same route to my office for two years and this week somebody put a coffee van right there. I suspect that when I approach it a serpent appears at the counter and leads me further astray. Will report back.

The Epstein files issue is not going to bring him undone. MAGA are not turning on themselves. The problem will not solve itself. You still have to fight them. No matter how bad Trump actually is he will never come close to being as bad as the hypothetical Democrat who exists in the mind of the GOP.

“Without fear or favour…” is easy to say until there’s something to actually fear. Presumably my colleagues at the criminal bar tasked with representing socially unpopular defendants will be granted the same indulgence.

Much of how I’ve seen chatGPT used is “say this but make it smart” and I realise that’s what people think I do. They hear me and go “yeah he said it smart like and now I can too with ai.” It’s alarming. Not only do they not understand the substance; they don’t understand that there is substance.

The okayest guitarist, an above average bass player, some guy we have a microphone to and the greatest drummer of all time and you’ve got yourself a punk rock band.

People keep saying Trump campaigned on making the Epstein Files public but am I crazy in thinking he didn’t? I remember an interview where they asked him about declassifying stuff and he was like “yep, yep, yep” and then they got to the Epstein files and he was like “ahhh errr well… maybe not.”

Oh gee did anyone say that at the time Jonathan?

Somewhere in an attic a cursed copy of the New York Times is gaining credibility.

Hey @popelizbet.bsky.social I thought you might be pleased / offended to know that Border Force do not consider your poetry to be dangerous.

There is a species of client who when I say “it’s time for litigation” they say “what if first we write a letter saying X.” As if we haven’t already written letters and they don’t know what our position is and didn’t already tell us to fuck off. A letter? Simple! Genius! This is that exact energy.

"We here at the New York Times take pride in our ability to start national conversations on important subjects, such as 'What the fuck is going on at the New York Times?' and 'Is there lead in their drinking water?' or 'Maybe it's a gas leak?'"

Folds: If we’ve been told our whole lives that we can’t spend money on the arts because they’re not important—then why was taking over the Kennedy Center and the arts the first thing they did? It is extremely important. It’s the bedrock of self-expression.

When white supremacists in Charlottesville chanted “Jews shall not replace us,” the president defended them as “very fine people.” When a man attacked Congress in a “Camp Auschwitz” shirt, the president pardoned him. So you understand why I’m less concerned about what a mayoral nominee didn’t say.

Not to nitpick but shouldn't this be "Victory 45 & 47" rather than "Victory 45-47?" It can't be inclusive because 46 was a loss.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuclear bomb is a good guy with a nuclear bomb. We need more nuclear bombs. I for one think all teachers should be given a nuclear bomb and trained in its use.

Faux-intellectuals have a real problem with conflating contrarianism with independent thought. It’s a fun academic exercise. When I was in law school I knew the quickest route to a good grade was to persuasively argue that something is the opposite of what it seems. It’s good to be able to. /1

Mamdani seems cool but it’s impossible for New York to have a mayor that doesn’t suck shit so I can’t wait to see what we’ll learn about him.

The most annoying thing that has happened recently is that Iran used to be pretty unambiguously The Bad Guys. Now I have to do the whole “well not to defend Iran, and Iran is bad, but…” thing.

So we’ve got to the “videos of fighter pilots singing Taylor Swift songs while to make war seem quirky and fun rather than brutal and murderous” part of the war quicker than I expected.

Markiplier, Hank Green, Kat Abughazaleh, Legal Eagle, Damien Haas and Justin Hawkins is the beginnings of a cabinet that I have more faith in than any that has actually existed in recent times.

This makes coherent sense. I do reaction content sometimes. I take a song, I listen to a segment, I pause it, I comment on something interesting compositionally or point out a subtle use of technique or whatever. Fair use. If I play the song with a shocked expression on my face… maybe not.

Did he start a fucking war to sell hats in Iran?

So Miller attacked LA because Musk stole his wife and Trump is bombing Iran because no one came to his birthday party. Men are too emotional to lead.

What kind of chickenshit asshattery is it to bomb a country and then say “now is the time for peace?” Like popping someone out of nowhere then immediately running away and going “guys, let’s not fight! Why can’t we all be friends? 👉🥺👈“