Just found out that Türkiye rebranded specifically to avoid being associated with the birds. I therefore propose that we rebrand Turkeys as Türkiyes.

No this is still girl dinner.

Checked this against the figures in the Table of Maims and it seems pretty spot on keeping in mind these haven’t been updated since 2010.

WATCH: Replica of the Statue of Liberty topples due to strong winds in Guaíba, Brazil

People complain about recasting Geralt ruining The Witcher as if it hasn’t sucked since season 2. It went sideways in quality, not down.

Parkway Drive Parkway Drive Parkway Drive Parkway Drive Parkway Drive I don’t even really like Parkway Drive. I’m just Australian.

Ugh, I hate to agree with JD Vance but Turkey is pointless and Americans have been peer pressure led by dead people into thinking it’s good. It’s just worse chicken.

Idea: a streaming service that whittles Jason Statham movies down to just the fight scenes and you can watch them in like fifteen minutes and not really miss anything.

Early 2024: “we don’t need to invest in woke renewables. And we don’t need foreign oil or anything foreign for that matter! Drill baby drill!” Late 2025: “we must invade Venezuela to slake our thirst for foreign oil reserves”

ONE MUTILATION UNDER GOD!

Within the next twelve months somebody is going to say to me: “oh so you think you’re smarter than the AI?” and I’m going to be right and unable to convince them because they cannot follow a path of reasoning and refuse to comprehend that someone else can. When they ask why I did it, tell them.

Presented without comment

All those soundbites from earlier this year of Trump saying “Big Beautiful Bill” are about to be hilarious.

This actually works for all purposes. “Your honour the statute was repealed the day before my client did that and re-enacted the day after. I haven’t paid my Lexis Nexis subscription and they cut me off so this isn’t frivolous it’s just run-of-the-mill wrong.”

A couple of months ago I had a weird phone call with the friend of a guy that I’m suing. He told me about all the “bad people” that seem to be involved in their business and I was like “ah man I’m sorry to hear that.” My autistic ass just realised he was trying to threaten me.

This is where we handle presidential business… and also yes this is the reception for the millennial weddings.

So does Zohran Mamdani have to start totally sucking shit the moment he gets elected Mayor of New York or does he get a couple of months to ease into it?

Telling journalists about health care plans: ❌ Telling journalists about battle plans: ✅

Holy shit they made a robot teenager.

All my apes… returned?

Credit to Trump on this one. Having rich guys pay a big chunk of their money in order to fund the government is a novel concept and I think we should explore it further.

you: taylor swift needs to address criticisms that her lyrics are heteronormative morality tales aimed at reifying tradwife narratives in an age of reemergent fascism tectonic plate sandwiched between the continental crust and the earth's mantle: *shifts imperceptibly

I was an edgelord teen. I listened to death metal and drew the album art on my school books and all that. At that point I just thought it was cool to shock. Satan was evil. So were Nazis. I didn’t understand the difference between drawing pentagrams in my English binder and drawing swastikas. /1

Socially liberal and fiscally conservative right up until it costs more money to gatekeep a service than it does to give it away for free. Then suddenly it makes sense to spend a disproportionate amount of money to keep charging for the service so as to maintain the social order.

They’re going to pay me to take drugs. Hell yeah!

To secure a peace prize, prepare for war.

Show Me How to Live is a better song than anything Soundgarden ever put out.

“If we were just ruthless and brutal and ignored international law we wouldn’t have lost in Vietnam. That war where we used rape as a weapon of war and poured agent orange on an entire country. That war, yeah.”

This guy stormed the capital on January 6th and has a back catalogue of songs like 1776 and Declaration Day. I honestly can’t understand not being able to spin that into a lucrative grift in this day and age. Dude sucks.

Tylenol should just put our a statement saying that Trump and RFK demanded money from them and said they’d say Tylenol was linked to autism if they didn’t pay up. Nobody would disbelieve them.

Let’s not overlook the why either. The answer is “money.” I faccept that making a free speech stand is hard. But these are not people capitulating to avoid remortgaging their homes to defend defamation claims brought by sex pests. They’re very rich people worried about being slightly less rich.

Was in a conference yesterday preparing for a hearing in the corporations list. One of my client’s directors, out of nowhere, says: “I’ve been listening to your music on Spotify.” I don’t know what to do about my corporate lawyer persona and death metal singer persona existing in the same world.

Get woke or have stroke

I have every bit as much compassion for Charlie Kirk being shot by some random person as he would have if it had been me.

People who are standing up for the rights of trans people: The fucking NRA: ✅ Gavin Newsome and a bunch of other shitty centrist democrats: ❌

Rich dudes who try to schedule appointments with young women lawyers so they can hit on them is an irritating problem that I didn’t know I was going to have to keep an eye out for as a law firm partner. Once again the real victim is me; a rich straight man.

Nothing like having my courtroom successes get some media attention in order to be reminded that the left wing revolution wants to kill me just as much as the right wing one does. At least from the lefties I arguably deserve it.

CEO gets shot, media reports, surprised by reaction. Another CEO gets shot, the media reaction is substantially more muted and lacks sensationalisation or detail so more shooters aren’t inspired. 25 years of school shootings and they couldn’t figure it out but they cottoned on by the second CEO.

Kitchen table? You mean that thing I put all the washing on before I get around to folding it? Wtf is this, 1983?

Ah, the replacement Hulk Hogan we ordered has arrived. Excellent.

Is it just me or are there a weird number of social media posts talking about how Europe isn’t great and America is actually better and they all mention things like air conditioning, water at restaurants etc? Really feels like coordinated propaganda.

That was (unfortunately) quick

Over the last decade I have become uncomfortably aware of how many people are okay with, and even cheer for, explicit: sexism, racism, sexual assault and brutality. Epstein thing feels as though I’m about to find out that 40% of people have all along thought that molesting kids is actually awesome.

The easiest explanation for this nonsense as that the people making the decisions at Columbia are Trump dudes.

Send Blanche to Ghislaine Maxwell to “find out what she knows.” Imply she’ll be pardoned if it is helpful to Trump. Miraculously, what she knows is helpful to Trump. She testifies before congress. Pardon earned. After everyone forgets, she writes a book about how Trump did it. Nobody reads it.

“Oh shit, meant to send this as a text…”

Company is profitable: “that belongs to the shareholders, we paid you a wage.” Company is not profitable: “you’re asking for a higher wage when your employer doesn’t turn a profit? Forget it.” Either the value of labour is tied to returns or it isn’t.

holy shit lmao