Stranger Things really, really needed a Harold Emery Lauder to plant a device about halfway through the fourth season. It also doesn't help that this is every second scene: www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PSu...

You can get Esoteria for a BUCK for the next few. If you can review/rate, please do. It really, really needs you. One click takes about ten seconds, and means the world. www.amazon.com/dp/B0F1PRP36J

Like! Subscribe! Laugh! Fart. youtu.be/i6uX9gtJ7kE

Posting again, for visibility. I'm going to start making nature/writing videos. It's gonna be fun. I need subscribers to make it viable, so I'm gonna ask for that, as banal as that is. If you can subscribe in advance and/or spread word, I'd appreciate it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=9y61...

I'm doing a thing. www.youtube.com/watch?v=9y61...

New country who dis

Now reading.

This week, you can get the first Hal book for a buck. It's a great way to get into the series as book three nears release, as book four is being written. Have a laugh and help an indie! Be sure to leave a review or a star rating. It means more than you realize. www.amazon.com/dp/B071FZK18Q

"It's a big club, and you ain't in it."

Rule of law and awesome snow.

Pluribus is, of course, fucking astonishingly good. If you like a long story where the premise is that strange technology gives everyone what they want instantly and changes the world, focussed on someone who doesn’t want it, I wrote a book like that three years ago: www.amazon.com/Blue-Monday-...

Canada: We have rule of law.

POSTSCRIPT: Hal Taylor ate a soy sauce sandwich in Muscle and Blood. Won’t catch me sandwalackin’

The really odd thing is I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t know if I have ever put a sandwich in one of my novels. I genuinely think that I haven’t. Which is funny because one book featured a ten story dragon fighting a giant teddy bear and a scorpion with human eyes. You had to be there.

That’s right! I don’t care! I don’t give a single fuck any more. I’ve fucking cracked. Sandwiches.

HEY KIDS IT’S FRED PENNER LOOK OUUUUUUUUT youtu.be/D95_W105xsQ?...

Just be like MORE SHIT sandwich guy adds a little MORE SHIT sandwich guy adds more MORE SHIT I NEED SANDWICH WITH SHIT FOR THEIR FACES. “I don’t make enough to take harassment.” I KNOW THAT’S WHY I WANT MORE SHIT. SHIT ON RANDFACE EQUALS AN INDEXED MINIMUM WAGE sandwich guy adds more shit

Put the entire GOP between two giant slices and make a sandwichapult to throw them into Galt’s Gulch. God dammit I’m so sorry, it’s casting, you cast evildoers out. My verbs are weak. I resign in disgrace.

Put a goddamn rock in it, fuck it, there are no rules any more. Wear a mask. Sing a song. Add some ketchup. Why not?

The best thing about it is that there’s no real size limitations to your creativity with Bailey’s Sandwich Plan for America. You can fire one of those tiny gummy sandwiches out of a pellet gun, or you can shove a three foot hoagie right up Mitch’s ass if you can find a sandwich guy bold enough.

When the riots burn the cities and the evil governor is trapped in his mansion I hope he wonders why the people revolted, and that the last thing that goes through his head (other than that sandwich) is OH, SNAP

“Red, if you ever get out of here, I want you to find a tree that has no earthly place in a Maine hayfield.” “What am I going to find?” “You’ll just have to go there to find out.” (Andy walks away, forlorn.) "It’s gonna be another fucking sandwich joke.”

“I want seven million dollars, blanket immunity, a helicopter, and unlimited sandwiches to throw at assholes.” BULLHORN: YOU CAN HAVE ONE SANDWICH. "I’M COMING OUT!"

To all my friends who protest didn’t vote I am putting ghost pepper sauce on your face sandwich you proper shits.

If I had to choose between the sheer joy of watching a sandwich hurler get off or Teslas burn it would be a hard choice but since they’re the only two good things that have happened in the 65 years since January you can stop asking me to only have one nice thing, okay?

If some fascist comes at you with a sandwich, just eat the sandwich, thus disarming him.

And if some grammar nazi says you can’t say sandwhich, it’s um acshully, sandwich, you know what to do. You hit that muhfucker with a baseball bat. Tie the sandwich to it, I dunno, or get a lawyer, shit, I don’t have all the answers, I’m just a novelist.

When I am president you get to hit one person, anyone, with a sandwich, from ten feet, once a year. Lots of sandwich jobs. Sandwich security. Lots of money saved on therapy. Yes goddammit you can use SNAP, who said that, sandwich his ass

Just fucking normalize sandwiching a motherfucker.

I have gotten eight covid shots now and had real covid and the shot is so much better even with side effects. I still want to whine about it, so I’m going to. And if someone would just bring me a sandwich I will solve your shit don’t quote me but I got a mean backham and my mustard don’t play.

Everything is very difficult and I am tired of everything being difficult. If this shit doesn’t stop I am going to pick up a sandwich and I don’t know which one of you motherfuckers is getting pepperoni face, but it’s one of you motherfuckers. Swear to assface Jersey Mike, on god, on rye.

What I'm saying is fuck Dick Cheney forever, and that I wish hell existed so he could rot there.

When you see a Nazi being a Nazi, remember they couldn't have ever come into American power without the groundwork laid by Richard B. Cheney. When you think the dead deserve to be remembered, so these articles make sense, go on and name a single Iraqi kid killed in the war being memorialized today.

I always said to myself I'd throw a party when he died. But see, due to his administration's social policies, none of us can afford a party. How the fuck did I Nazi that coming?

Hey Georgie, it's a crime to fellate the dead, but you can absolutely go fuck yourself.

Let's raise a drink to those who today are reunited. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casualt...

Today make me think of all the times my ineptitude and bloodlust killed half a million people for no fucking reason at all and it was all somehow okay because I said history would judge me favorably even as people still die because of me to this day. I mean, God, it could happen to anyone, amirite?

Stop explaining to people that antifa is a position, not an organization. Grant their premise for the sake of argument. "Yes, there is a well-funded, hierarchical organization of people who fight fascist violence and actions that undermine democracy." Then ask what their problem is with that.

THIS IS MY BOOK, MOTHERFUCKER THEY'LL WALK IF I TELL THEM TO GET THAT WEAK ASS BIRD SHIT OUT OF HERE www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lrb...

So I'm no longer doing Twitch, but in the near term I'll be making some videos, likely for Youtube. Hal 4 is also in progress. You can get the full skinny by subscribing at a paying tier to my Patreon. Even a buck a month helps! patreon.com/nealbailey

I gave her a look that said, huh, life is funny, you never know what's in store. By the way, your hair is beautiful. I'll bet it smells like raisins.