babe are you okay? you haven’t touched your pb&jeggs

longing for beef, forced to eat chicken

i woulda been so much funnier if they gave me muscle relaxers at urgent care

Make a movie into a porn title The Lord Of The Uncut Ring

Walmart plus what? What else are we getting here huh???

watering hole? they are watering hole.

got a nuzzle pillow for my fucked up neck

I tweaked my neck so fucking bad someone HELP me it hurts to even hold my head up

i’m horrified by the thought of something crawling in my ear at night. i wake up several times throughout the night to check my ears.

prepping for having kids by making my wife a pb&j, cut in triangles, with a side of chips (her request)

what’s a moot? ive only heard my nephew call his poop that

why does eating ice cream have me feeling like I ate a pint of drywall

halo sloppy toppy for dessert

rain dance but when you pull the chain it’s beef gravy that comes out instead of water

costco hole sale. bro they’re selling hole.

*jotting down in my notebook, my glasses are on the tip of my nose as I peer back and forth at him* he likes eating stuff like seeds or things with seeds inside them *eyes widen and then slowly squint into suspicion, I start laughing a low, mischievous laugh*

i really jinxed myself with the whole “America gets the runs from dunkin” bit ….. im just about bleeding

i just watched ‘the crash’ on Netflix and im sorry (not really) but that girl is GUILTYYYYY and her parents are dumb as rocks

America gets the runs on dunkin

I NEED everyone’s help to please scare skip. he won’t stop hiccuping and he sounds like a swine squealing

am i a lot funnier than skip be honest

ok you have heard of two in the goo one in the poo but have you heard of drumroll please two in the blood one in the mud *scratches back of neck and looks around nervously, as the crowd is silent*

normalize keegles at the bar

two in the goo one in the poo am i right haha *nervous laughs*

im tired fam

case of dias for supper

real time photo of my dog attacking me

just did made a little wine spritzer as my “dresser” drink. It really is the little things

season 4 of Yellowstone 🫪

Im about to crash the fuck out that’s for sure

im back on here for the same reason i first came on here

also hi i missed you all ive had absolutely no motivation to post but i am here and full of love and chili wedges

pookies im going to try on wedding dresses tmrw ….!!

SLAYED

its my bee day

My husband looks so hot today

the things i would do to have a job that has snow days :(

thanks for the soups 🤧

titty tuesday

cooking, drinking wine, dancing around the kitchen to dean martin with my favorite person in the world, has GOT to be the best sunday night in my opinion

we are an A+ team

thinking of turning my spare bedroom into one of those rage / demolition rooms

sleepy time tea is a cheek slapper

happy vee day

Friday the 13th before Valentine’s Day almost feels like a mini Halloween

tonight’s dinner! (anti-inflam) lemon turkey meatballs with a orzo & spinach base

skippers bedtime! he got milky now say goodnight

that time of year where my under eyes stay purple until spring

merry superbowl sunday