The reconstructed transcripts are chilling

Crisis deepens for Labour leader - but what impresses about Sir Keir's current crisis is its expanding breadth. A sub-standard operator such as Jeremy Corbyn would struggle to grow a crisis in multiple directions.

Good morning - couple of egrets and a heron knocking about this morning. Enjoy your day.

Tomorrow! Come see @jlukeroberts.bsky.social Will Rowland @barrstard.bsky.social Yuriko Kotani, Alex Bertulis-Fernandes and @adamlarter.bsky.social at Camden Comedy Club! Tickets - tinyurl.com/5n9abe9j

Delighted to see my beloved Detroit on this list.

Regrettably, Johnny 5 has become woke - working to fix this now

RIP youtu.be/lV2ARjSPk3k?...

Having a great time at FashFest - surprise set by Dylann Roof at the Göring Tent before Elon on the mainstage

BLITZER: Now we’re getting reports that one of the bullet casings was engraved with a message saying that if you are reading the casing, you are gay. We must warn our viewers we’re about to show the photo and don’t know at this time whether the engraving is what makes you gay or if it just tells you

Paid a visit to the London arms fair today... Found a component for cluster munitions, banned under international law, on full display. Confirmed by staff, and removed swiftly by event organisers. But what else remains? These vile weapons should never be peddled in the UK.

"Charlie Kirk and I may have disagreed on a great many things, but that does not mean that I will not debase myself in a vain attempt to curry favour with his base, who would put me in a camp as soon as look at me." - Andy Barr, prospective candidate for Deputy Leader of the Labour Party

Wanderléa - Mane Joao [Brazil - Soul/Funk, catchy female vocals] (1974) https://redd.it/3uwp58 https://youtu.be/1Wx_7YfmXSU

Debate someone you love today.

'This you?' Yes. That is me. As is this. And this. And this. I wear a thousand distinct, contradictory faces, all united by one fact alone - that they will not rest until they have killed and consumed you.

There will be plenty said about the candidates for Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, but I for one think the party is being presented with an impressive slate

Hi fellow patriots, quick Q, and sorry if this is the wrong forum - I'm finding that the synthetic flags chafe a little on sensitive areas. Does anyone have a lead on a supplier of reasonably priced cotton flags?

Starmer: Peter has my full confidence and, further, has given me his assurances that he only continued his association with Mr Epstein due to Mr Epstein's possession of the new 'Wii' console, along with Mr Epstein's mother's tendency to order Domino's for Peter and Jeffrey on Two-for-Tuesday.

I'm sure I need not impress upon you the severity of the situation should this institution somehow become 'woke'

Writing a birthday card in 2003

Writing a birthday card in 2003

DSEI day at the Excel - makes me genuinely sick to be surrounded by these reprehensible cunts. Power to all protesting today.

Remortgaging the house to secure the Pig Bodine Fortnite skin

My latest for Now Then Magazine @nowthenmag.bsky.social. I spoke to comedian & friend @samnicoresti.bsky.social about her astonishing accomplishments at The Edinburgh Fringe, aliens and the reductive power of the media lens.

Good news for fans of morally indefensible shit: the arms fair comes back to the Excel centre next week!

The retirement of Melvyn Bragg is the perfect opportunity to explore the possibilities of AI presenters - just switch Gemini or whatever to 'aggressive' and let it go.

Before bed, I salute and kiss every single one of the 238 flags in my house. By the time I am finished, it is around 3am - giving me time for three hours of sleep before rising and giving each one a gentle peck good morning.

Labour is parking tanks on Reform's lawn. No. Don't ask what kind of tanks.

Aslan is both a pig AND Satan.

Unlike woke lefties, I'm not offended by the St George's Cross - I'm turned on by it! This has made crossing roads or walking down well lit pavements a real problem of late. I'm due in court in September.

Fact check: FALSE. I have been searching for diamonds in the car park and keeping what I find for years.

I may well be the only person that this is for

Asda Bigfoot

Gone to the cinema, so naturally, I'm being made to feel sick to my stomach by ads for pocket pal phone AI.

Edinburgh KFC - 11.09pm - Nelly Furtado's Maneater into Happy Mondays' Step On. Deranged.

Blackbirds - underrated imo.

I had a lovely chat with the wonderful folks at Corr Blimey about my Fringe show - which starts (previews) tonight! 8pm at the Pleasance Courtyard, Cellar! Read all about it: corrblimey.uk/2025/07/24/h...

A mere four further hours on the train until I arrive at Edinburgh Waverley!

Thar I blow! Huge thanks to Sam Nicoresti for the poster design and first confirmed sighting in the wild... Previews Weds and Thurs, real thing Fri! Tickets: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/andy-b...

To me, Hannah Hampton is an honorary non-Chelsea player

Spoons breakfast in Wallsend this morning. Lad in the john having a particularly difficult movement, followed by what sounded like an enormous key.

"Repeat after me: gym, batch cook, early nights." @jainedwards.bsky.social and @barrstard.bsky.social, two comedians who know the #EdFringe very well, write a note to themselves ahead of their respective returns to Edinburgh

NEWCASTLE! Tonight, Sam Nicoresti (hotly-tipped, big year ahead) and I (plugging away) bring our new shows (both very good) to the Star & Shadow! Tickets: www.starandshadow.org.uk/programme/ev...

Absolutely thrilled to be included in Birdwatch's 'Pecks of the Fringe' for 2025!

Superb legend @jainedwards.bsky.social and I, laying down some wisdom from the past for ourselves of the near future for @theskinnymag.bsky.social Read us: www.theskinny.co.uk/festivals/ed...

Flyer Time! This beautiful design will be pressed into the hands of many an Oasis fan in just over a week's time! (Photos courtesy of Michael Julings, design by Sam Nicoresti) Tickets: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/andy-b...

My ideal karaoke track? Why it would have to be 'Bono sees sign saying "SF loves U2"'

We are familiar with 'Wedding Bells.' What if there were an entire suite of occasion specific bells to be rung? 'Do I hear Remortgaging Bells?' Think on it.

Absolutely vibrating at the prospect of my preview in Penge this Saturday, 4pm at The Bridge House Theatre. An excellent slate of other shows as well - check them all out! Tickets for me: thebridgehousetheatre.co.uk/shows/andy-b...