Well done to whoever snapped that picture of Andrew in the car - he's crying now. Or at least he would be, had he not suffered that catastrophic adrenal overdose in the Gulf...

[Spotting some shit on the pavement]: now that's vintage Keir

BREAKING: Defiant Starmer changes state from vapour to 'viscous, determined' liquid - Powell

Just to save time: both the Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, and incoming Prime Minister, Wes Streeting, have my full confidence and should be allowed to get on with the job they were elected/unelected to do - making Britain children future together now.

Sunday operating at full capacity

Tough few weeks incoming for Ned Pointsman, who appears to've dined at the Epstein residence on a number of occasions

Nonsense!

Remembering Geoff Hoon (he's still alive, I am just remembering him). Any of my Hoonheads got some Hoonstories?

TROY CLUB! Sunday 8th February! The Black Heart, Camden! With amazing headliner PAT CAHILL & an incredible supporting lineup featuring Richard Todd, @charlievmartin.bsky.social, Sami Abu Wardeh, and me (Leslie, hi!). MC @andrewoneillcomedy.bsky.social. TICKETS: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/troy-club-...

Over on instagram comics are, for some reason, sharing gags via the three-panel collage format at an increased rate of late.

Kent Cricket is using the Winkie's Diner scene from Mulholland Drive to announce Fred Klaassen's contract extension, but Fred doesn't appear at the back of the diner. A criminal missed opportunity.

Is this good?

Had a lovely day at the London Wetland Centre. Cheers.

Monster CEO increasingly concerned that if society collectively refuses to feed monster it will not have the strength to destroy anything

A special birthday shoutout for my beloved lads - four today and blissfully unaware of it.

After Mark Carney's bold speech standing up to US hegemony, I'm delighted that I will finally be able to wear the Davos lapel pin I picked up from a market for £2 with pride. Viva Davos - it's good again! Hoping for a similar reprieve for my Bilderberg mug.

sorry i only drink vimto for men. thats the one with the gun on the packaging

If you put a microwave on for a specific period of time and take the food out before the time is up, it stops the microwave from being able to cum.

In honour of President Trump receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, I present me winning the Edinburgh Comedy Award

[Having been hit by a gun that turns me into The Spectator]: forcing people to cover up is something the Ayatollah would do - Grok is at the forefront of the liberation of Iran.

[Having been hit by a gun that turns me into The Spectator]: forcing people to cover up is something the Ayatollah would do - Grok is at the forefront of the liberation of Iran.

If the yank dares to try and change a thing about Greenland's wonderful flag he'll have me to answer to.

Coastal erosion really fell off the rankings of environmental threats. Positively quaint these days.

#ACMS 📆 Tonight! 🏰 The Phoenix 🎟️ £9+ online from wegottickets.com/event/685242/ till 5pm;£12 on the door 😻 hosted by @turlygod.bsky.social & @joznorris.bsky.social-lookalike Hugh Jackman 🎁 bring goodies for the Unwanted Christmas Presents swap 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, just ask

Tonight's acts... In text form: Alexander Richmond, @barrstard.bsky.social, Beattie Edmondson, Ciaran Chillingworth, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @hollyburncomedy.bsky.social, Jake Baker, @naomipaxton.bsky.social, Paul Savage, and @tpneenan.bsky.social. In emoji form: 😻 And in tiny square photos...

Minister: whilst I am unwilling to deal in hypotheticals, I can confirm that were our closest strategic ally, the US, to request that we jump off a cliff, any leap would be taken from a firm legal basis and would succeed in all key operational goals, landing etc.

Sensational attempt at equality from colleague: 'we need a leader with a pair of bollocks - or tits -'

RIP Béla Tarr

Due to close working relationship with bathwater, management mulling making further changes at baby.

#ACMS 📆 Monday 12th January 🏰 The Phoenix 🎟️ buy online from wegottickets.com/event/685242/ 😻 hosted by @turlygod.bsky.social, with @barrstard.bsky.social, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social, @tpneenan.bsky.social, AND MORE 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, just ask

happy christmas eve!

I'm sure many festive Strongman fans will join me in saying what a delight it is to see Kieliszkowski back competing once more

Come see us* in January wegottickets.com/event/685242/! Bring any unwanted Christmas presents for the swaps table! Have an excellent rest of December! Have a nice time! HAVE A NICE TIME! * Inc. @turlygod.bsky.social, @barrstard.bsky.social, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social, etc

How are we feeling today? More Buddo or more Tobol Thinker?

‘Buddo’ - a rare representation of a human figure from the British Neolithic, dating to around 2900-2400 BC. Discovered at Skara Brae in the mid-C19th, it was re-discovered amongst the archaeological collections at Stromness Museum in 2016. 📸 My own. #FindsFriday #Archaeology

Well, better than the companion compilation, that's for sure

DJ's gone off-piste and started playing Autumn Sweater at your work Christmas party - wyd??

I’M LOSING MY SHIT THIS IS SO FUNNY

White boy whelms restaurant ordering in passable conversational dutch

Hearing that Man overcomes the Baby mid-episode 2 of Man vs Baby - the remaining hour 15 is anguished moral rationalisation

Want to feel old? World War 2 is older in time to Star Wars than world War II is to now. Star Wars is closer to World War 2. Mark Hamill is old enough to be Luke Skywalker's dad. World Wars II is now. Luke Skywalker is closer to old than Star Wars is to now. Want to feel old. Skywars is older than L

Hop in - me and the boys are gonna go catch a webinar

Just got my Internet Wrapped - I looked at three websites seven million times

#ACMS 📆 Monday 12 January 🏰 The Phoenix 🎟️ buy online from wegottickets.com/event/685242/ 😻 hosted by @turlygod.bsky.social, with @barrstard.bsky.social, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @hollyburncomedy.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social AND MORE 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, just ask

You simply must get tickets to the event of the season tinyurl.com/mry939r3

Idea to improve sports: manager is given the opportunity once per game to deliver a short de-motivational team talk to the opposition

Gang, Misha Glenny replacing Melvyn Bragg - how are we feeling?

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, I will not be checking this inbox until 06/12/25 whilst I decide which app to pretend to've received my 'Wrapped' from this year. Your patience is appreciated.

#ACMS 📆 Monday 12th January 🏰 The Phoenix 🎟️ buy online from wegottickets.com/event/685242/ 😻 hosted by @turlygod.bsky.social, with @barrstard.bsky.social, Beattie Edmondson, @hollyburncomedy.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social, Jake Baker, AND MORE 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk

Well, at a push I could have a spot more Lemonheads - all good for the other one though, thanks.