My dad has an unbelievable amount of faith in me and thinks I'm going to succeed as a streamer/content creator. I'm honestly not sure if I deserve it. Anyway, stream will be Weds. 2PM EST~

The orange menace broke his cat wheel. I have to get another one. 😔

The only reason I get up in the morning is because I don’t want my dad to find me not alive. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, it always leads nowhere. The grind, just like my existence, is pointless. I have nothing to show for it. The feelings never go away. There is no winning.

My mood stabilizing meds were significantly increasing my carpal tunnel and nerve pain. It took me over a month to realize it and they are completely out of my system now. As a result, I am extremely depressed and cannot control the mood swings. I feel hopeless. I'm sorry.

I’m trying so hard to remain positive. I really need life to get better.

This is my favorite outfit. I think it deserves more attention. My artist and rigger did such an amazing job.😭

Stream will be Sunday 2PM EST~ I will take 4000000 painkillers if I have to!

More details on the Christmas Day stream! I'm making my greeting cards soon, so if you want one, let me know as soon as possible.

One brain cell. No thoughts.

If you don’t see me for a little while, it’s because of the pain. I’ll be back eventually. Please don’t forget about me.

Moving stream to Saturday at 2PM. The pain is just too much today.

Stream will be Friday 2 PM EST

I know my brain is lying, but it's really hard not to feel unlikable sometimes...

Pain is so bad sometimes that I just sleep so I don’t have to deal with it.😔

The orange menace is taking up Pumpkin’s legacy as the new blanket monster.

Bday stream will be Sunday, 2PM EST

My ultimate goal as a content creator is to show up as an Easter Egg or cameo in a horror game. 👀

When one of your best friends watches other vtubers, but not you~ Gonna try to stream tomorrow and get something out for YT. Gonna depend on how bad my hands are.

Your art isn’t bad just because it’s not selling right now. We’re in a recession and people don’t know when they’re gonna eat next, nobody can afford fun things because the economy is crumbling. It’s going to be hard a while.

The carpal tunnel is really bad today. I might need a day or so until it calms down.

It's bday week. I'm soooooo happy. Oh boy!

I also have a trading card~

My standee at Waifu Con!

You aren’t just numbers to me. I appreciate all of you and the support you continue to give me. I know I’ve said this before, but I feel the need to reiterate because it’s important. Do not ever put yourself in a poor position financially just to help me. Take care of 1/2

I’m always so afraid that my abusers are somehow going to manage to find me. It’s why I’m so vague when I talk about certain things. Had a horrible nightmare about one of them and having a really hard time going back to sleep. Pain isn’t helping either.

With SNAP/EBT cuts looming I highly recommend downloading this app! Basically restaurants and other food businesses will have available bags of random food they don’t wanna waste for ppl to buy for hella cheap! This has saved me sooooo many times when I only have $5 and need some food.

I feel pretty pathetic for spending the last few days in bed just because of stupid pain. I wish I was normal.

Since the Waifu Convention is this weekend and I'll be participating every day, I want to make sure I'm in tip top shape. (I may stream some of it, not sure, yet.) That means no regular stream until next week. I'm still in pain from lifting weights so I want to make sure I'm 1/2

Stream will be on Weds. I’ve been in a lot of pain all weekend and I’ve spent most of it in bed. Even if the meds start to work (praying they do) for my mental health issues, I still have physical ones that I deal with. Trying to life weights to build up strength, but my body 1/2

Pain makes it really hard to think clearly and it’s been bad for a few days. I will try my best to stream on Sunday. Thank you for continuing to support me and my ridiculous schedule.

A bit late, but Happy International Snow Leopard Day!

Still want spoooy stream tomorrow?

I wish I could turn the thoughts off. They are relentless and just never stop.

Apparently, mood stabilizer is a nice way of saying anti-psychotics and it can take up to 6 weeks to work. Also, comes with some wonderful potential side effects.

Picking up Cele's ashes, something I've been avoiding caused me to crash out. Losing a ton of YT subs didn't help either. I can't control the mood swings and it's really hard to regulate my emotions because of the BPD. Was prescribed a mood stabilizer to see 1/2

Everything is canceled until further notice.

Stream will be Friday evening or Saturday afternoon. I have an appointment Friday so it’s really going to depend on how I feel.

I started to record and then I got so dizzy, I felt like I was going to pass out. I thought I was mostly over my motion sickness when playing first person games, but I guess not. Now, I have a wonderful headache. 😅 stream will be Friday

Stream will be Monday, 2PM EST because I have 5000 hours worth of work to do for brand today. Yes, I am reusing a clip because it is cute (and because I am lazy). I 🫶 you all.

Horror game dev: “content creators send me a dm for a key for launch” Me: sends DM *crickets* Yeah, I get it… I’m not a big enough creator to be worthy of a key to your game. I’m not entitled to said key, a reply, or your time. I get that. It really stings silently being told “not good enough”

Spoopy stream on Tuesday, the 21st at 2PM. Yes, Yes?

Thank you to everybody that stopped by. I really appreciate it. Next stream will probably be Sunday.

Moving stream to 3PM EST, but I'm still streaming! I have some business I need to take care of at 1:30 (that I forgot about. Curse you ADHD) and I don't want to make the stream late.

Stream will be Friday 2PM EST (because I’m still in pain and there are going to be people stomping on the roof today. 😂

Bluesky keeps deleting Abo Jameel's fundraiser so you should definitely donate or share today

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I am moving stream to Thursday. I’ve been up all night in pain and still having trouble getting some sleep. 😔