Thank you, Anonymous!

Stream: Monday 2 PM EST - Tortured Souls II Tuesday 2 PM EST - Spoopy Stream Left hand is really bothering me today and I still have a headache. Calling the DR office tomorrow, hoping they have another referral for me. I'm starting to get really frustrated.

I just received a contribution towards a secret gift from Anonymous via Throne. Thank you! https://throne.com/ladyrandom #throne

My head is pounding and I’m in a lot of pain. The pain tends to make my mood and mental health worse. I don’t always mention when I’m hurting because it feels like I’m making excuses for myself not to do anything. I honestly can’t comfortably stream today; I will try for Sunday.

Staying in bed to keep myself from doing anything stupid. I don’t trust myself right now. I can’t control the mood swings. Been trying to fix it for days. I know it’s pathetic. Talking doesn’t help so I probably won’t respond. I don’t know what’s happening this weekend. Sorry.

The only reason I get up each day is because I don’t want my poor dad to find me not alive. I am so unbelievably broken.

The stuff going on in the country makes me sick to my stomach. My mental health is already poor enough, as I regularly struggle with thoughts of self deletion. I don’t need it to deteriorate further. Taking a break from SM for a couple of days.

Thank you to everybody that stopped by the stream. I just got a trading card on steam for this goofy little guy from the game I was playing.

I spend a lot of time thinking about ways to self delete. The thoughts don’t stop; I’ve tried. I force myself to keep going knowing things will probably never get better. They didn’t for my mom. I’m only venting here because I’m alone and losing my mind. Talking doesn’t help much anymore. I’m sorry

Stream will be 2PM EST on Sunday. My dad is stopping by today and so is my brother to see if I can fix his pc. My left hand is still really bothering me so I'm hoping the doctor office calls me tomorrow with an updated referral. 😔

Pov: you really wanted to see me without my glasses and ignored my warnings. #drawing #horror #vtuber

Yeah, so my crappy insurance won't cover the specialist. Now, I'm trying to find some other office that does. Wait time to speak to receptionist: like 2 hours! I am really bummed out, will update if I find one that does. I will try to stream tomorrow at 2PM EST.

I just received a contribution towards a secret gift from knightshade via Throne. Thank you! https://throne.com/ladyrandom #throne

Stupid throne won't let me send out thanks so thank you to everybody that has contributed towards my horror themed model so far!

I just received a contribution towards a secret gift from mdb via Throne. Thank you! https://throne.com/ladyrandom #throne

I just received a contribution towards a secret gift from Anonymous via Throne. Thank you! https://throne.com/ladyrandom #throne

I am not quitting. My hands just needed a break. You are STUCK with me. Also, the crowdfunding is up for the horror themed model on throne. Link 👇👇 No obligation to donate. I'm grateful for any and all support I am given. Thank you for everything.🫶

I am still having nerve issues and muscle spasms. I might have to cancel and take a week off because of this. Once I see the specialist, I’ll let you know what’s going on. Still without a vehicle so it’s hard to get to places I need to go.

Stream will be Sunday. My nerve issues are so bad my arms are shaking.

I just received a contribution towards a secret gift from Anonymous via Throne. Thank you! https://throne.com/ladyrandom #throne

I feel extremely sick right now. I will see about streaming on Monday. My apologies.

Thanks everybody who stopped by the stream. Sorry, I accidentally left my streaming soon up because I was so tired and the grumpy orange menace demanded to be fed.

🦋Stream Schedule🦋 Saturday: 2PM EST - Dispatch Sunday: 2PM EST - Tormented Souls 2

Oliver smells horrible💩, but he’s obviously feeling less crappy. He better not scare me like that ever again.

Oliver is most likely constipated and has been given something for it. He hid in the same spot for over 12 hours hiding crying. He hissed every time I went near him. The plan is to see how he does overnight.

Oliver has been hiding in the same spot for over 12 hours. He was crying loudly and hisses every time I touch him. I thought he might be constipated, but I don’t know anymore. I have an appointment this afternoon. Sorry for no content, I’m a wreck and haven’t slept.

Waking up into panic attacks really sucks. I wish there was a way to stop them.

🦋Stream Sun 2pm EST🦋 How would you feel about me crowdfunding a horror themed model via throne? I've never brought it up before because it felt kind of selfish. It would be a long-term goal due to pricing. I won't do it if people think it's a bad idea. Do you support it?

🦋Stream Sat 2PM EST🦋

Happy New Year. 2025 was extremely rough and I haven't dealt with tough situations in the best way. I'm sorry for that. Here's hoping that 2026 will be a better year. Thank you for continuing to support me.

Merry Christmas🎄🎁🎅🌟

The doctor asked what I did for a living. I told her I was a streamer/content creator. She didn't know streaming was a thing and looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't dare tell her that there were streamers that make more than she did. Got my referral to the specialist at least

Thank you to everybody that stopped by the stream. I might stream Weds or Thurs at 2; I don't know yet. I'm trying my best to stream more often. Oliver is being a good boy and eating is dinner so I think it's safe to say he is okay. 👍

Oliver finally ate something, but he will only do it with me in the room... It's frustrating, but I'm glad he is eating again so he doesn't need to see the vet for now. Canned cat food is so stinky. 🤢 Stream will be at 2PM EST. It's patch day so...... 🙃

Thank you to everyone that stopped by the stream. If I can get Oliver to eat, I will let you know.

I've decided to stream anyway. If he doesn't improve by the time I'm done, I'll figure out what to do then.

Oliver hasn't eaten since yesterday and he keeps hiding. I don't know whether to try and take him in or not. My car is still currently out of commission. I'm supposed to stream, but I'm so stressed out I can't think straight. I can't function when there's something wrong.

Stream will be Monday, 2PM EST and Tuesday, 2PM EST. I have other stuff I need to get done today.

Possible stream Sunday at 2PM EST. There will definitely be a stream on Tuesday at 2PM EST.

I force myself to smile even though I’m not okay most of the time. I really need things in my life to improve.

My good VTuber friend EbruHime asked me to spread this around. She's raising money for the Gamers Outreach Jolly Jamboree. I personally think it's a good thing. Even if you can't donate, please at least pass it around? tilt.fyi/R3CR7DKOmn

Streaming, making long form content for YT, scrubbing VODs for clips, and making clips are extremely time consuming. I do everything by myself and it still doesn't feel like I'm doing enough. My dad says I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but it's hard not to be with slow growth.

My dad has an unbelievable amount of faith in me and thinks I'm going to succeed as a streamer/content creator. I'm honestly not sure if I deserve it. Anyway, stream will be Weds. 2PM EST~

The orange menace broke his cat wheel. I have to get another one. 😔

The only reason I get up in the morning is because I don’t want my dad to find me not alive. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, it always leads nowhere. The grind, just like my existence, is pointless. I have nothing to show for it. The feelings never go away. There is no winning.

My mood stabilizing meds were significantly increasing my carpal tunnel and nerve pain. It took me over a month to realize it and they are completely out of my system now. As a result, I am extremely depressed and cannot control the mood swings. I feel hopeless. I'm sorry.

I’m trying so hard to remain positive. I really need life to get better.

This is my favorite outfit. I think it deserves more attention. My artist and rigger did such an amazing job.😭

Stream will be Sunday 2PM EST~ I will take 4000000 painkillers if I have to!