Correction: The Tories need to start apologising for your mini-Budget

Dear Sky I’m cancelling my SkySports subscription because Gary Neville said bad things about angry middle age white men and the lovely flags which are my best friends. Must go as I’ve a flag waiting for me.

“Australia, Canada, Colombia, Mexico, Panama and USA won’t let me into their country as I’m a threat to their national security given my string of clinical convictions”.

“I’M IN LONDON. HAVING TO SHOUT AS THERE’S 3 MILLION PEOPLE HERE WHO SAY THEY’RE TAKING ARE CUNTRY BACK”.

“I want are cuntry back. I’ll have an onion bhaji and a couple of those delicious looking pakoras while I’m waiting for you to get deported”.

“On my way to roundabout painting training, I saw some of my voters hanging flags outside homes and businesses of people who looked a bit foreign. I stopped to help. Unfortunately my trousers fell down and my penis got tangled up in the flag for a while. It’s not what it seems”.

“So, what did you do this weekend?”. “Well, first of all I got pissed in Wetherspoons. Then I rose up and decided to take are cuntree back”. “Wow! What did you do”. “Well first of all, I shouted at a hotel. Then I painted are flag on a roundabout”. “Err…”.

“It’s Nigel. He’s offered me a job painting roundabouts”.

“If you don’t work hard at school you’ll end up going to Wetherspoons at 8 in the morning and then going out to paint roundabouts”.

Whatever patriotism is, it certainly isn’t encouraging hate of a fellow human because of their race, religion or heritage, while waving a flag. Pass it on.

My heart goes out to Lucy Connolly’s daughter. You can only imagine what she has been through for over a year. Then when she finally gets her Mum home she sees her trying to monetise hate instead of putting that behind her and rebuilding family life.

No to racism. Yes to humanity.

When I was little, the U.S. military came to our home at gunpoint and took me and my family away. We were imprisoned for years in barbed wire camps simply because we were Japanese American. I have spent my life telling that story, hoping it would never be repeated.

Loving this Clacton tourist poster.

“TV appearances by Farage, sir. You hope you’ve seen the last of them but still they keep coming.”

If I’d spent 14 years neglecting a house, burdening it with debt, not fixing the leaking roof, failing to modernise it and left nasty things hidden in the long grass, I wouldn’t criticise the new owners for not fixing everything in a single year. But then, I’m not Kemi Badenoch.

Nigel Farage. What first attracted you to not wanting to lower the voting age because you know most young people aren’t racist?

Rishi Sunak. What first attracted you to calling a General Election the day after a judge said the super injunction covering up the Tory’s Afghan debacle should be lifted?

Hey, it’s humid, mind. I’m sweating like a Reform MP hearing about the migrant return agreement with France and praying it doesn’t act as a deterrent and reduce small boat crossings.

Strange isn’t it? Those who voted for Brexit and say they don’t have any regrets? Even though Brexit supercharged the small boat crossings which were virtually nonexistent before? You never hear those people offering to take those asylum seekers into their own homes do you?

Who is old enough to remember the Daily Mail cheerleading for Brexit? The same Brexit that ended the Dublin Agreement, and lost the U.K. access to the EU fingerprint system? The same Brexit that supercharged small boat crossings which were negligible before then?

“Reform MPs sir. Horrible buggers fighting amongst themselves, no discipline or plans. Just 4 of them left but you’d think there were thousands of them by the amount of coverage they get.”

Mr Farage. Just one more thing. Reform’s first MP, a former Corbyn supporter had been suspended by the Tory party for being racist. Rupert Lowe was expelled. Now McMurdock is being investigated for dodgy Covid loans. Is there something rotten at the heart of Reform? Mr Farage?

What’s that Skippy? They’ve started to investigate dodgy Covid loans? Best if my lot keep their heads down for a while? Thanks Skip.

It’s from Nigel. He needs someone to count how many MPs he has left. He’s asked me to help!

Nigel, now say: ‘we have really strong vetting procedures for our MPs’.

Statement from BBC News: ‘Now that the Reform Party has lost 20% of its MPs in a single day we will increase the number of times we invite the remaining 4 MPs to air their views, in order to try and prevent this disaster from happening again’.

Hey, it’s humid, mind. I’m sweating like a Reform MP realising that his past has caught up with him.

Video released of the stringent security and vetting procedures Reform uses to select their MPs.

Nigel Farage. What first attracted you to letting any old crooked bastard with a chequered past stand as a Reform MP?

“The day before I was due to appear at Glastonbury I asked people to give Nigel Farage a chance, handily reminding everyone that back in the day I said the same about Enoch Powell.”

We asked 100 people to name a well-known philosopher. You said ‘Rod Stewart’. Our survey said …

Hey, it’s humid, mind. I’m sweating like a Reform voter walking round in a heavy coat and a fur hat telling everyone that it’s not warm at all, climate change is a con, and Net Zero plans are stupid.

July 1969 - John Lennon asked us to ‘Give peace a chance’ June 2025 - Rod Stewart asks us to ‘Give Farage a chance’. I’m with John.

Multimillionaire Rod Stewart has decided he quite likes Nigel Farage now, since he announced his scheme for tax cuts for multimillionaires. Altogether now: 🎶 If you want my taxes, and you think I’m greedy 🎶 🎶 Come on, Glasto tell me so 🎶

You f*cking idiot. Most people had forgotten Rod fucking Stewart praised Enoch in the ‘70s and said there was too many immigrants over here. We’d rebuilt his reputation and it took f*cking decades. Now you’ve ruined it again letting him say we should give Farage a f*cking chance.

“I know what you’re thinking Lassie, but Rupert is down to his last £30 million and vets are expensive”.

“We asked 100 people to name something a new government should do. You said ‘give wealthy immigrants a tax cut’. If that’s there I’ll give you the money myself! Our survey said:”

“I don’t suppose you have a copy of “Tax cuts for wealthy immigrants” by N P Farage? “You do? That’s splendid.” “No, I don’t want to buy it, I want it shredding.” “My name? N P Farage.”

“What’s that Lassie? I shouldn’t give wealthy immigrants a tax cut at a time when our own millionaires like Rupert Lowe need to get his gamekeeper to shoot his dog as he can’t afford a vet?”

Hey, it’s humid, mind. I’m sweating like a Reform Councillor realising that they have to do some actual council work.

Why IS Nigel Farage so keen to reduce the tax burden of wealthy immigrants who may be wanting to donate him some money down the line as a ‘thank you’? Nope, I’ve wracked my brains and can’t think of a reason.

“Why the f*ck did you let Farage announce another ridiculous f*cking policy? Did you forget there’s fact checkers and f*cking tax experts out there? £34 billion over 5 years to give wealthy immigrants a tax break! Tell him to stick to stoking riots in future. You utter w*nker.”

“Nigel Farage. What first attracted you into wanting to give foreign billionaires a tax cut?”

“Leave voters sir. Millions of the buggers. Won a battle 9 years ago. Ruined their country and made their lives worse. Now they’re saying it was the wrong type of battle.”

“Do you have a copy of ‘Action on grooming gangs’ by the Tory Party?” “It was never written as they did nothing for 14 years and it would have been just blank pages? Oh, I see”.

“Kemi Badenoch. What first attracted you to trying to deflect attention from 14 years of your party doing nothing about grooming gangs?”

“You absolute f*cking dickhead! You let Badenoch go on TV to talk about grooming gangs! Did you not guess that she’d be asked why the f*cking Tories had done nothing about it over 14 f*cking years? They had 168 months and Labour has had 11. Get out of my f*cking sight”.

“What’s that Skippy? Tommy Robinson is trapped in a luxury hotel? He needs donations from gullible people so he can stay away from his family for longer?”

“Hungry people sir. Thousands of them. Rushing to get to Hawksmoor restaurant for a delicious steak now they know Tommy Robinson won’t be there.”